What would you do?

It's a hard line to figure out. When Jacob was tiny he would let kids shove in front of him for the slide, etc. forever. I had the same concern - I don't want him to be a push over! Perhaps I fed his ego a tad too much, 'cause now I feel like I've created a monster!

It sounds like you did well, and as Tara said - modeling the appropriate behavior is always a good choice.

From what I've heard of Lucy, I'm sure she'll only take so much crap from these kids!

I think it is fine to help her retrieve the toys in a level handed sort of way. It's good for her to see a positive way to handle it -- and for the other kids too.

Like Jenn said, she will only put up with it so long. Sounds like she was practicing in the car on the way home.

[mommax3]

I think it is fine to teach a child to say "no" to someone that is doing something they don't like. Some kids (two of my boys, for instance ) have all of the sensitivity of a brick wall, but will back right off when they hear opposition.

You can teach diplomacy later!

Sally

[KCwife]

I always told my girls, in front of the bossy deviants, that she can say "no, this is mine” or "no, it is my turn" ...a few times I would tell the kid that myself... I found that if I was the one doing it, then the parent of the offending child usually came and started parenting their child on how to behave. I, like you, did not want my girls to be shrinking violets nor dictators. A little assertiveness is great!

I agree with Sally -- it is ok if she is doing the "no, mine" right now, IMO. That is what most kids her age would understand anyway. You can fill in the gaps when you help her away from home.

[ellie]

I agree, Annie, it is so hard to watch. And like Jenn said, it's such a fine line. My first instinct is always to jump in and solve things for DD, but I don't want to be a hovering "helicopter" parent and want her to be able to assert herself. Usually if the other kids are a lot older and should know better, I'll step in and model, but if they're around the same age, I'll let her work things out on her own.

DD did the same as Lucy at that age -- she has a cautious personality, and in every new situation/surroundings, she liked to observe, watch, and gauge everything for a LONG time before participating. So if someone took something away from her, she didn't do anything either...at first. But once she is comfortable, she stands up for herself. By the end of the school year last year, she was the busybody of the classroom, telling people what was fair and how to be nice.

Everyone has already offered some great advice, so I'm not sure where I'm really going with this rambling post other than to agree and say that we've been there (it's been a loonng day here at home...) Like you said, Lucy will figure it out...but it's hard letting your children grow up, isn't it?

My oldest daughter sounds very much like your daughter, Ellie. Similar preschool experience that first year.

I've been thinking about this a lot today as it relates to my 2.5yo and some of her playmates. Must be why this is my third post here.

[ellie]

My oldest daughter sounds very much like your daughter, Ellie.

Nellie, whenever I've read your posts about Bryn's A/R tendencies, I'll find myself thinking, "sounds like my daughter!"

Maybe you can learn from some of my mistakes. I bought some day of the week undies for her. Bad idea. Upside is that we are doing laundry more often.

[ellie]

Thanks for passing along the tip. DD would like those waaaaay too much -- they would go all too well with her no seam socks and perfectly aligned velcro straps (no fuzzy velcro allowed to peek out from underneath) on her shoes.

We're living parallel lives. (Some of that does get better. We have seamed socks and as long as the seams aren't too big and line up correctly, everything is a-ok).

wow! lined up velcro? no-seam socks?

Quinn puts his pants on backwards most days, and when I mention it he'll say "I like them like that." Clearly no A/R here.

[DCJenn]

Jenn P- you have got to ask yourself- would your husband give a rats ass if his pants were on backwards and they were comfy? Probably not. Would YOU give a rat's ass if your seams were all wrong? Probably.

I think, ladies and gents, we have a classic description of the differences between the sexes.

My brother is absolutely fastidious in many areas but you should see his 'lounging around the house' wear. Most of it you couldn't even use to wash the car.

Jenn