An un-PC question...

[Malpka]

It is weird for me too, to have such little kids address me with such familiarity. BUT, I hate the "Mrs. N----" just as much. Growing up in the South, it was always Miss/Mr first name (ie- Miss Rebecca) when adressing a familiar adult, and that seems to be the right mix for me. DH likes the kids to just call him Paul, no Mr/Dr.

[Sheherezade]

I have the reverse chip on my shoulder as well. It irks me to no end that people think titles equal respect. I've been treated in horribly patronizing ways by good ole' boys - calling me "Miss" or "Ma'am" as sweetly as can be. and I'd rather go with my name, no title, and just gauge the level of respect for myself.

As for my "Dr.", I don't use it. It makes people think medical doctor, so it's misleading. I suppose I would use it in writing or on a form if I thought it would make a difference to tell people I've got the degree.

As for kids, I always go for Mrs. D here. It's comfortable for the parents, and comfortable for the kids tongues. My last name is a HUGE! But if a kid called me Angie, I wouldn't worry one bit. Unless they also spit.

[Vanquisher]

I don't care what people call me as long as they are nice about it - especially kids.

My kids call my adult friends by their first names, but they are respectful. If I ever introduce my children to you, Kris, I will tell them to call you Mrs. Math. Honestly, though, it just isn't a big deal to me.

I would rather we had a nice conversation with whatever you felt comfortable calling me than anyone falling over themselves worried about formality.

People call dh Mr. L all the time, and he could not care less. He knows he is a Dr. - why should it matter?

The one and only time it bothers me is on invitations. Stupid really. I figure if you are going to handwrite a formal invitation it should be addressed to Dr. and Mrs. L. That's it. Even then, I foget about it in two seconds. Just not that big of a deal to me. I always wanted to be a Dr. and had fantasies of receiving invitations with Dr. and Dr. on it.

Here is my snooty thing... I think that there should be a different title for a medical doctor than for someone who is a doctorate of _____. I don't know what, but I do. It was always weird for me in college to call my profs Dr. ____. I thought, sheesh, I know getting a Ph.D. is hard work, but puhleeze. It's that old joke, "Is there a doctor in the house?" "We'll, I'm a doctor." Yeah - a history professor is really what I wanted when I asked for a doctor.

I prefer to be called by just my name, and please, don't call me ma'am! If you do, though, I'll get over it before the next words are spoken. It's just not a big deal to me.

I do think it is a matter of preference, though, and I think you ought to call someone what they are most comfotable with regardless of your norms.

[PrincessFiona]

More questions:

1. Would your spouse be offended if....the nurses/er techs etc called them by their first names while at work? (As in....hey Tom, we got that patient's blood culture back)

2. Do your kids call you Mom/Dad or by your first name?



1. No....at least I don't think so.

2. Mom/Dad


It seems cute when little kids use my first name....but the problem for me is when they get older. There is no longer a line drawn that differentiates between adult and child...hence the calls my neighbor's daughter makes to me on her cell phone and a variety of other behavioral things that I have seen....but maybe my problem is more with adolescents/pre-adolescents.

When I first started teaching at the University, I had the students call me Kristen because...they are all adults. The result was a very casual classroom that honestly was a detriment to them as students and me as the teacher. I lost any kind of authority and quickly they went from calling me Kristen to calling me Kris...which implied friendships....which resulted in hurt feelings when they didn't get the grades that they felt that they had deserved. It was very bizarre.

I got the advice of one of the science ed people that I had created a setting that was too familiar. It was impossible to reign that in. From that semester on, I introduced myself to the class as Mrs...and never had that problem again. I was my same friendly self, and cared just as much about my students and the material that I was teaching.

After that, I also had many more students come talk with me about drug problems, emotional issues, etc.....and I really thought it was because there was that line drawn. I seemed caring and genuinely supportive, but in a position to help instead of commiserate? Maybe I'm wrong.

I know Caitlein has taught though and her experiences could be totally different. It could have just been my inexperience that first semester.

kris

[Vanquisher]

More questions:

1. Would your spouse be offended if....the nurses/er techs etc called them by their first names while at work? (As in....hey Tom, we got that patient's blood culture back)

2. Do your kids call you Mom/Dad or by your first name?

1. No, not in the least bit. I would be suprised, in fact, if anyone who knew him called him Dr. L. Everyone calls him Chad to my knowledge.
2. My kids call us Mom/Dad. Alexia sometimes uses our first names, but only as name identifiers. "That's my mom, she's Heidi." When talking to me or asking for me, she calls me mom. Ryan always, always calls me mom.

[Malpka]

1. No- no problem at all! In fact, I think anyone he works with on a regular basis does call him Paul. DH competed in a triathlon yesterday, and a PA and two nurses came to watch him. It would have been really weird for them to call him Dr. N----.

2. Very rarely does my son use our first names (DD might be using our names, but we still don't understand a darn thing she says ) He always calls us Momma and Daddy. Occasionaly, he will call DH "Paul" when talking to me about him. ie- "When we get home from the gym, will Paul be there?". He knows this is sort of funny though, and usually says in a way like he has told a funny joke or something.

[DCJenn]

1) I know my husband's peers call him Rick. Because he's in a military setting, it's much more formal. For example, his boss is Colonel, Sir or Doctor. Period. The colonel's wife is Mrs. ______. Period. the Colonel refers to his wife by her first name but I will call her Mrs. ______ forever. (and I will continue to send formal thank you notes every single time they host something, and will bring hostess gifts, and will ensure that my child is on his absolute best behavior)

The interns/residents, nurses and techs will call my husband either by his first name- for example, if a nurse practioner who is a Major needs something from my husband, she would probably call him by his first name, if she knew him, otherwise, he'd be Doctor or Major. The techs and interns/residents are lower rank and therefore they automatically call him sir (and yes, must salute him when passing him in the hallways, etc - but not in clinic except for first greeting because then all they'd do is salute each other all day). If he has a personal relationship with the med students, or residents or whomever they probably would call him by his first name. (but in front of anyone else, everyone reverts to the more formalized greetings) I can't imagine that any enlisted personnel would call him by his first name unless they were off hours in a social setting.

We are mommy/mama and daddy to Nikolai. (and he refers to himself as either Nikolai or Baby)

Jenn

[Stella]

What about as kids grow up? Or the early 20s?

For example, I am always perplexed by what to call my in-laws (future in-laws...whatever) because SO's dad is a doctor. I know that SO's friends call him Dr. V, which I think implies the formal for SO's mom, Mrs. V. However, we talk and email and I am generaly very close with his family. So it feels really awkward to call her Mrs. V rather than just by her first name. (She signs her emails *Firstname*) For the past year and a half, I've just stopped using their names entirely. I don't know how they haven't noticed. "Hey.... you!"

SO is no help. He says it doesn't matter. I feel like it's been too long now so I don't ask. Agh, what to do!

[DCJenn]

I call my MIL by her first name. I think she'd prefer mom or something but that just doesn't feel right. Since my husband called my FIL by his first name (FIL was my husband's step-father) it just seemed natural to call them both by their first names.

My husband and my SIL call my mom Madre. They either call my dad by his first name or whatever the grandchild calls him (two different grandchildren call him two different names)

Jenn

[SuzySunshine]

The tradition here is that residents are called Dr. X from day one. When DH returns pages he says this is First Name, last name - not Dr. X. But even when we go to social functions with the department the PA's, nurses, etc. call him Dr. X. He always says you can call me First Name but they never do.

Can't answer #2 - yet!

[Sheherezade]

DH goes absolutely bonkers about the name thing. Since we moved to the midwest, he's noticed the issue. He prefers to be called by his first name by staff, techs, everyone. BUT......some refuse to do that. How's that for respect? He has staff that will not call him by his first name and have argued with him that it just isn't right. Maybe that's why this is such an issue for me as well. It clearly isn't about respect in that situation. It smacks of social class to us. We never had this issue in the northeast cities. Maybe because the environment was more casual? Everyone just went by what he asked them to call him. if another doctor said something different, then that was their policy. There was no hard and fast "rule".

The kids call us Mom and Dad. I think of that as an affectionate title - not one of respect. I think it would be weird if they called me by my first name, because it would seem distant. I don't call my stepfather "Dad". I'm not that close to him.

I have not noticed a difference teaching under either my first name or my title + last name. ( I *always* lose control. ) Because I neglected to post my answer to the original question.....I ask my kids to call people what they want to be called. We start with the default of "Mrs. or Mr." and then correct the name if we need to so.

We always insist that our kids call adults Mr or Dr or whatever until they are given permission to do otherwise....same with us, Our kids introduce us to their friends as Mrs and Dr ________and then we will give them premission to call us by our first names. I actually didn't know what to do when they were little and this issue came up so I went with the Cosby show's answer......stop laughing, i get a lot from Cosby

Nobody calls SO by his title, always first name...it seems to change here if they become an attending though.

The munchkins call us mom and dad......I SO earn that title (most days)

[houseelf]

This is an interesting discussion that needs to go on at a larger, societal level.

I have some dear friends from the South who prefer the Mrs./Mr. titles when being addressed by children but direct their children to use titles like "Auntie Kelly and Uncle Sean" for the closest of their adult friends. In truth, this bothers me. Not enough to address it, but it isn't my first preference. "Aunt" and "Uncle" are special terms used to delineate a familial relation. My children have two biological aunts and uncles. period. While there is more than enough love to go around for everyone, I don't want these familial relationships cheapened or confused.

If I know that titles are an issue with the parents, I try to remind my kids to us a hybrid of first names and titles: Ms. Kris, Mr. Dan, Dr. Bryan, etc. (Yes, I realize that this is a cop out). I hate to use the "everyone else is doing it argument" but first names for adult interactions are the norm.

In the professional context, DH refers to himself only by first name as do his colleagues and other professionals that he comes in conact. He insists on calling his superiors "Dr._______", often even after they have invited him to use an informal title.

Kelly

[mommax3]

I am pretty sure that DH's co-workers call him by his first name, except in front of patients......although I think there are a few that feel better about calling him Dr. R__________. But it is their preference, not his.

Our kids call us mom and dad, unless for some reason they aren't able to get our attention, and then they might use our first names.

Sally

[PrincessFiona]

Just to be clear...I don't think saying Mr. or Mrs. is a "class" issue. The Wal-Mart stocker would be as much of a Mrs. as the principal at the school....

kris