When to seek help

[Sheherezade]

My only thoughts are that - on some level- I've experienced the same maladjusted behavior at home during transitions. I think the child psychologist is a good idea. It may give you some tools to deal with the situation. We have a relatively large autistic population in our district due to our special ed and it runs a large spectrum. Our neighbor's daughter has an Asberger's diagnosis and she reacts to change in the manner you describe. She can shake up the whole family.

Generally, I am against medicating kids. JMHO....but as a neuroscience Ph.D. that did all my research in development, I think people are bonkers to put some of these drugs in to developing brains. I'd opt for behavioral strategies first. There is a researcher named Mel Levine that spoke here recently -- he does fantastic work on autism spectrum and has a great respect for the differences and abilities of all children. You could look him up for some guidance if you end up with that diagnosis.

My guess is stress -- but I'm an optimist.

Good luck. Keep us informed!!

Laura -

I just wanted to pipe in with words of support. It sounds like you're doing all of the right things, and seeking help at the appropriate time. When are you scheduled to move? And I forget - are you moving to an area familiar to you or entirely new? Things are likely to be pretty topsy-turvy for awhile, and I don't envy you the idea of him being introduced into a new school while you're already having issues with the familiar one.

A neighbor here is experiencing panic type issues w/her son, but says it's largely at night when he wakes with panic attacks and a fear of dying . Does Jake have issues with restlessness, too, or is it mainly during his waking hours?

I hope the child psych has some helpful suggestions (cause clearly I don't ). You're a good mom. There's a lot going on right now, and he's probably super-sensitive and has zoned in on it.

[Sheherezade]

If it's anxiety, I have lots of experience. :> DS has worries out the gazoo....and so do I, honestly.

What has worked for us is calm, measured consistent routines. I know you are moving, but if you could think ahead and establish some stable patterns (dinner rotations, homework time, bedtime routines, wake-up routines) you could carry those through in the new house. Getting angry or pressuring the child to "just deal" always backfires. If the child asks for reassurance over small silly things, just give it. My DS asked me every night to not leave the house, not leave the downstairs room, not take the dog out, etc. It used to drive me batty --because I felt like he should just KNOW that I wasn't going to desert him. When I gave up the fight and just calmly said I won't leave you, I won't go outside, etc. He calmed down over time. Now it's a running joke and part of the bedtime routine. He'll get up and yell from the top of the stair "You forgot to say the things!!" but he says it as a joke, now.

I know that the anxiety stuff will only get worse with the changes, but try to go with the flow. Two anxious people only makes the situation worse. He is who he is. He'll get better as he settles in.

My DS asked me every night to not leave the house, not leave the downstairs room, not take the dog out, etc. It used to drive me batty --because I felt like he should just KNOW that I wasn't going to desert him. When I gave up the fight and just calmly said I won't leave you, I won't go outside, etc. He clamed down over time. Now it's a running joke and part of the bedtime routine. He'll get up and yell from the top of the stair "You forgot to say the things!!" but he says it as a joke, now.

That strikes close to home, too. Jacob asks similar things - or frets over the dog or something. Usually I do just get exasperated .... maybe I'll try a different tack.

Thanks Angie.

Laura, that sounds really tough. I'm sure you are at your wits end, but it sounds like you are handling this well. I think that seeing a child psychologist is a great idea, daunting and worrisome, but a great idea. At the least, you should get some suggestions to make things easier on everyone. If there is something more going on, you'll gain that knowledge too. Hang in there. He's lucky to have you advocating for him.

[rainbabies]

laura,
im so sorry that you have this going on...on top of everything else. you have gotten some great advice. i hope the child psychologist will give you some tools to work with.

[Vanquisher]

It sounds like you are doing everything you can to help your child. Way to go, mom! Your son is a lucky boy to have you on his side.

It may seem that you are battling, but ultimately, you are on his side, and he knows that.

[houseelf]

Laura,

First, big, big

Second, I think that you are on the right course. Any time we see abnormal tendencies in our kids it is sooooooo scary. OMG. You want to come in touch with your deepest fears and see the dark side? Become a parent. Every parent has these moments of panic.

With this being said, kindergarten to first grade= HUGE transition. (This is a common current topic amongst my mommy friends. Impending move= HUGE transition. Stress in the family= Huge transition.

Not that I follow my own advice, but try to take the "long view" approach. This may just be a difficult turn in the road.

Please keep us posted. You all are in my thoughts.

Kelly

[PrincessFiona]

Laura,

We've struggled with some similar stress issues with our oldest. They peak around times of change. When he was in Kindergarten he began showing sypmtoms of obsessive thoughts/worrying and we did seek help for him....I gained more tools to help him and was relieved to hear that this wasn't because we were bad parents or had done something "wrong". Over the years he has struggled from time to time. Our pedi did mention Aspergers to us at one point and we did consider having him evaluated...but in the end we chose not to. To me, having a diagnosis wouldn't change anything...and we do the best that we can to be sensitive to his needs as they are and work with him on the anxiety/worries when they arise.

His Kindergarten and 1st grade years were the hardest....He is now in 6th grade and is doing well.

One thing that the schools did to help him in 1st - 3rd grades was to let him choose a friend 2 days a week to stay in during recess...the two fo them would play "Where in the World is Carmen SanDiego" or something else together. Andrew was really obsessed with/into geography at that time. The teacher's tried to capture his interest and make it into something fun for him and the other child. Otherwise, Andrew's attempts at making friends would be for him to go up to a child and say "do you know that Brazil is in South America and the population is.....". Not healthy or appropriate...just a part of his obsessing on certain things. Andrew slowly got to know the other kids by sharing these activities and came out of his shell more and more and was ablee to be more appropriate in his interactions with them.

I hope you don't think I'm hijacking....I just want you to know you aren't alone....and it will get better.

I hope the therapist will be able to help calm you and give Jake an outlet for some of his anxiety right now.

kris