Advice? Opinions?

[DCJenn]

Not that we're ever in low quantities of any of the above...

BUT- I'm wondering what the masses think about when and what to tell Nikolai when Rick is coming back. I know generally when he's supposed to leave Iraq (soon-ish) and knock wood, if everything goes well, he'll be back about 10 days after that.

Should I wait until THE DAY as we're going to the airport to get him? Should I prep him that Daddy is coming home soon? (does he even know what 'soon' is?)

I'm stumped.

Jenn

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: Advice? Opinions?

I think our sons are about the same age (two-three-ish, right?). I'll offer that I tend to wait until the day before to tell Sam about big news like someone coming. Otherwise, it's every two seconds, "Is it time yet?"

[Vanquisher]

Re: Advice? Opinions?

Well, you know your son better than anyone else, so my cop out answer is that you have to decide when it's best.

I think a couple days before might be appropriate so that maybe Nikolai can help plan something special for his return. Perhaps Nikolai could help decorate a banner or pick out balloons or get his dad a cool new ball that they could play catch with. You've said that he has mentioned that he "has no daddy." I think just a couple days of heads up time should be sufficient. I wouldn't do more than 3-4 days. I think 2-3 would be good.

[Sheherezade]

Re: Advice? Opinions?

I agree with the short time span for a heads up. Maybe you could do something to help him count down the time? My daughter's class had a paper chain with links for each remaining day before the last day of school (the last week) and cut one off each morning during the wait. When the chain was gone, school was over. Maybe he'd get the passage of a week that way?

Of course, I'm not sure you want to build anticipation. It could back fire if re-entry is bumpy. What do other military parents tell you?

Re: Advice? Opinions?

I'd quote Angie's last paragraph but Evie hit something on the keyboard and this is super small.

So, that and I think no longer than a week, given past experience of preschool set and waiting.

[Meenah]

Re: Advice? Opinions?

No more than two or three days or you will be pulling your hair out!!!

Re: Advice? Opinions?

I think our sons are about the same age (two-three-ish, right?). I'll offer that I tend to wait until the day before to tell Sam about big news like someone coming. Otherwise, it's every two seconds, "Is it time yet?"

I'm sure you've been talking about Daddy coming home all along, so I think you can do a "plan something" while still saving yourself the "is it now?" torture.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Advice? Opinions?

we always had a contdown going. But we always had a firm date. And anyway for Luke he didn't get it, so that's pretty useless advice since Nikolai is close to Luke's age...

So, if it were me, I would like to give Luke at least a couple of days to get used to the idea of daddy being home. If I waited until going to the airport to pick him up, I think that would be too much stress for his little system. I think the making a banner and all that are some great ideas. You could also take him "shopping" for stuff daddy likes every day, and then if the date gets pushed back one or two days you'd just get more stuff? And then present Daddy with his big pile of stuff?

It's so tough to know what's going on in a 3 yo's head... I wish I knew.

[Michele]

Re: Advice? Opinions?

One of our friends here...her hubby just came back and he was delayed overnight...I think his flight into the US was delayed so he missed one of his connecting flights.....I didn't ask her when she told her little girl....but she's way younger than Nikolai so I don't think it'd apply to your situation anyway.....but wanted to let you know about his delay.

[PrincessFiona]

Re: Advice? Opinions?

I don't know, Jenn. If you had a firm date....I would say maybe 1 or 2 days before? At this age they just can't understand the future and I think it makes it harder for them. I'm imagining that as soon as you tell him he will begin to get excited, antsy and it may throw off the potty training and sleeping...again...

With his schedule uncertain, I might even be tempted to tell him while you are on the way to pick Rick up. :huh:

I can't believe it's almost time! :stars:

kris

[DCJenn]

Re: Advice? Opinions?

Yeah- Rick basically is jumping out of his skin, not sleeping and is nervous. He's not a good traveller under the best of circumstances let alone when people are firing ground to air missles at the planes.

Nikolai wondered why I was finishing up the office today and I told him because we have to get ready for daddy to come home soon. So...we'll see.

Jenn

[SuzySunshine]

Re: Advice? Opinions?

I agree, I would wait until you had a concrete date and then only tell him 2-3 days before, he's going to be pretty excited and maybe a bit overwhelmed IMO.

Re: Advice? Opinions?

Agree with the 2-3 days MAX,
I made the mistake of telling DS 2 weeks before hand in my own excitement and it was torchure, it reminded me of a car journey with him going are we ther yet every 5 seconds but this was 2 weeks long!

Re: Advice? Opinions?

I say tell him. Put up a calendar, let him put a sticker on it every night. He'll share your joy, have a chance to iron out any issues/questions he has, plus get a math lesson out of it.

Re: Advice? Opinions?

We had a calendar...since we didn't know when she was coming home, we counted how long she was gone. Yeah, I know, probably not the best idea, but it kept the boys busy having to count and stuff.
Then when I found out when she was coming home, I didn't tell them until we were turning into the parking lot of the airport to bring her home.


You have to remember, I had done a 80+ day tour with the MIL, a 6 yo and a 3yo. I was in no shape to play "Is she coming home today?...today?...tomorrow?...other tomorrow?"
By no means am I trying to make light of your situation either, just what we did to get by. You are a great Mom and you will do what is best for your little man to get right so that when his Daddy sees him it will be a moment that you will never forget...but at the same time, you won't want to have to live again. (though, I am sure it will present itself again).

I am a firm believer in positive redirection and telling only when all is happening with great certainty. ( I am sure that is a therapy line, just screaming for time on a couch and the fetal position rocking soothingly ).