sleep training

How many of you did it? What method did you use?

DS is almost 11 months and we have been co-sleeping since day one. I never planned on sleeping with him but we did it out of survival. Well it turned out that I actually loved it and I almost don't want to give it up. I hate being alone on call nights.

The problem now is that he is becoming an all night nurser and it is exhausting me! I tried the past few nights to not give him any milk but he just gets furious!!! I know the only way to get him to learn to sleep on his own is to put him in his crib but I hate having him CIO. Any words of wisdom?

TIA

[spotty_dog]

Re: sleep training

I'm not one for "training" sleep. However, we did go from co-sleeping, to part-time co-sleeping, to (duh-duh-DUUUUH! So happy!) 8pm to 7am in his crib with just one (5am) wake-up! I've never left him to cry if he was crying like he needed his mama; after he was 16-17 months though, I'd let him whimper for up to 2 minutes with that "I'm so grumpy because I'm so sleepy!" whimper.

I do think that sleep is a milestone like walking or rolling. Eddy went almost overnight from waking every couple of hours to sleeping 6-7 hours at a stretch. That was around the 16-17 month mark (right when I was getting kinda desperate, conveniently enough!)

I mostly referred to the book the No Cry Sleep Solution (it kind of lays out a "program" but I didn't use it that way, I just took as many tips to heart as seemed appropriate for our family,) and played it by ear. As you know there are so many developmental things going on, and with a Daddy with a crazy schedule, it can be one step forward and two steps back. Just hold tight to the notion that this too shall pass. You won't have a college student sleeping in your bed and unable to get back to sleep at midnight without help!

Another option that might be helpful for you if you really don't mind the night nursing and co-sleeping as long as it isn't going to last forever, is just to stick it out for a while. Look ahead to an age when he'll be developmentally amenable to night weaning, like 15 months or older. Then you could try following the Jay Gordon method to night wean and keep co-sleeping.

Good luck!

[Auspicious]

Re: sleep training

At 6 months old we sleep trained using Jodi Mindell's Sleeping Through the Night. At this point I firmly believe that babies are very different from one another and there absolutely is no one-size-fits-all answer, so I can only say that I think that book is very well done and far less antagonistic in tone than some of the other books, and that the method therein worked very well for my Cora.

I remember that the book did address co-sleeping, but I don't remember what it said, because that wasn't our particular issue (we co-sleep in the mornings after about 5 a.m. and that is true both before and after sleep training--not something I'm looking to change in our case).

There was crying involved and that did suck , but in any kind of cost-benefit analysis, sleep training has been a huge, huge winner.

This particular method emphasizes good bedtime routine and good sleep associations (and has much discussion of what those are), and then there is crying in the crib, but what I liked was that there was no unchecked crying and no timed crying. For me what necessitates a check-and-console visit is the tone and tenor of her crying, not the amount of time it's been since the last check. The crying never got as bad as I feared it would.

Good luck finding what is best for your family!

[migirl]

Re: sleep training

With DS#1, we started "sleep training" around 4-5 months. I use Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child as a guide for sleep issues; I know a lot of people don't like this book, but it worked for us. DS#1 is now a champion sleeper.

However.

I agree with Julie (Auspicious), I think every baby is different in terms of their sleep and how they'll respond to any "training". DS#2 has been sleeping through the night consistently since he was 6 weeks old with no "sleep training" on our part at all. That's the way he's wired, I guess; he's just a good sleeper.

I agree that there doesn't necessarily have to be crying involved for him to learn to be a good sleeper. You'll have to figure out what will work for you and what you're comfortable with. If you're not okay with him crying, then a CIO method probably won't work. I'd suggest reading (okay, skimming ) through a couple of books that advocate different approaches and see what you think.

[Michele]

Re: sleep training

I used the tips from No-Cry Sleep Solution too......eventually he seemed ready to night wean (ok really I was more ready to night wean) and it was simple for us at the time. I know the stars all aligned for me that week!! He was over 18 months old though so you might not be able to wait that long. He did sleep through the night from about 4 months old to about 10 months old.....we sort-of co-sleep. We have a 3-sided crib next to our bed and so he's in there but can crawl to me if he needs it. We have pillows stuffed on one-side of the crib to push his mattress right next to ours. He's been sleeping through the night for about a month now I think and it's been great.....but again, I waited a while to do it. I was able to get more sleep letting him nurse, then I was if I tried to change anything....once I got pregnant though I needed more sleep....so we had to adjust our plan.

The consistent bedtime routine seems to be a common theme among all sleep books I've looked at....and of course, it's the hardest thing for me/us to do.....I'm pretty sure I could have created better sleep associations earlier and thus helped him sleep on his own earlier, but I didn't...I may try harder with this next one.

But I absolutely agree with the others in that each child is different. I have friends who did CIO, but their little ones barely cried....and others who's children screamed until they threw up.....so I think you have to take what you can and give it a shot....and if it seems to work, go with it....

[SuzySunshine]

Re: sleep training

Totally agree with the every child is different. We used the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child book as well and Adele is six months old and sleeps like a champ. I don't think I had much to do with that, I think its just her nature.

[rainbabies]

Re: sleep training

wow. i didn't realize so many people use books and methods. i guess i never realized there were ways to 'sleep train' a child.
we just put our babes in their bed everynight at the same time, with the same routine leading up to it, and they figured it out.
what ever method you try...good luck to you and baby!

[JaneDoe]

Re: sleep training

wow. i didn't realize so many people use books and methods. i guess i never realized there were ways to 'sleep train' a child.
we just put our babes in their bed everynight at the same time, with the same routine leading up to it, and they figured it out.
what ever method you try...good luck to you and baby!

Ditto! We used the same method as you! Our dd was an excellent sleeper. She started sleeping through the night at 2 months, as in sleeping from 9 pm to 7:00 am. I didn't realize how nice I had it. Our ds really didn't start sleeping through the night until 9 months. I was not one to let my kids cry it out. I couldn't tolerate the crying and I found nursing my dd or ds back to sleep to be a much more effective method. I also could not co-sleep because I just couldn't get any sleep worrying about the noises my child would make.

Despite not using any method written in a book nor co-sleeping, today my kids are great sleepers. I agree with the others who said that each kid is different. For that matter, so is each family. Do what works for your child and your family.

[HouseofWool]

Re: sleep training

Honestly? We did CIO with DS when he was 6 wks old, but he didn't cry more than 5-10 minutes and it only took 2 nights before he figured it out.

This probably puts me in the bad parenting category, but it worked for us. We had those nights where he was up all night and I just couldn't do it any more. Again, it only took a couple of days and I made DH listen while I sat in the basement.

Whatever you decide to do, it will work out and he will eventually will sleep on his own.

[MamaChristie]

Re: sleep training

I totally agree with Alison (spotty_dog I think?)! Before we had Ben I didn't know whether or not I wanted to try letting him CIO- after I had him, I knew there was no way I could do it. I reviewed book after book and totally subscribe to attachment parenting. However, I'm also very liberal and think whatever you think is best for your child IS what's best for your child.

SO... if you decide to let him CIO, I think there are lots of examples of kids that only take a few minutes of crying to get to the point where they sleep through the night. Most of my friends who have tried it (say about 15 moms) have had it last from 1-6 nights of crying. But they haven't had a problem since and swear by it.

If you don't want to let him CIO, the book Alison wrote down is great as well as anything by Dr. Sears. Start small, with naps and little bits of time here and there and gradually work towards sleeping next to you in a playpen or crib in your room. Move the crib slowly out of the room, into his room. It'll get easier each night. We did this with our son, and it worked well. BUT he still has his nights where he doesn't sleep well and just wants to be held. I think he is just that way though and would want that no matter how we did things.

If you want more details on the crib in the room and slowly moving out to his room, PM me- I'm new and drowning in all of the threads so I might not find this again =). Good luck!

Re: sleep training

Thanks for all the responses. After I started co-sleeping I began to look into attachment parenting and I really like the theory. I would not mind it if it weren't for the all night nursing. He has a consistent nap time schedule and he sleeps in his crib for naps. Its the whole sleeping through the night that is becoming an issue.

I actually started a couple of months ago a program with "the sleep lady" Good Night Sleep Tight, (you stay in the room while he cries) and it worked to the point where DS was falling asleep on his own then waking up at midnight and coming back to bed with us. However, DH is interviewing for fellowships so we flew cross country twice in a month span and all that work went out the window! Now he is back to not being able to sleep on his own. I hated every minute of having him cry and not looking forward to doing it again. I feel conflicted about this. On one hand, I hate to have him so upset and on the other, I think that part of me feels like I am hurting his developement by not letting him "sleep on his own". :|

BTW I so envy those of you with the naturally good sleepers.

[MamaChristie]

Re: sleep training

You aren't hurting his development, don't worry! If anything, you're helping him (if you subscribe to attachment parenting, etc.). Your son will only be this little once, you are giving him such a loving foundation to sprout from!

I also envy those with good sleepers... Ben has never been one.

Have you thought about the gradual movement towards his room? It really is kind of an in-between method that doesn't really let him cry it out, but also isn't having him in your bed.

Re: sleep training

We decided to move DD from our bed around 8 months. With the co-sleeping I wasn't getting any sleep.... I was just so exhausted and a little depressed because of it. She wasn't really settling down with us in bed anymore either.(nursing all night long and just not relaxing) So, we finally decided we had to make a change. I felt guilty about it at the time, but I was such a better mommy to her once I started getting some sleep. The first night was the hardest..We did the check at intervals thing, but quickly realized that only upset her more and she settled down so much more quickly if we just let her be.

I was still going in to nurse her about once a night (we were gradually night weaning). Eventually, she started sleeping through that once my boobies weren't in her face.

The whole thing was really tough and I don't want to go through it again with the next baby...I'm going to try alot harder to get them comfortable sleeping in their crib from the start. I love the idea of co-sleeping, it just didn't work for our family. And even though we made this change, DD is still extremely attached to me. She is with me all day long, so it was nice to have her in bed at 7 and have some down time for myself.

I don't think you need to worry about hurting his development by co-sleeping...if you both enjoy it, that is wonderful. I don't have any advice about getting him to nurse less at night (obviously I couldn't figure out a way to make that work without removing her from me at night) That is great that he is a good napper (we are still struggling in that department!)


Don't know if that helps, but that is what worked for us! Good luck!

[spotty_dog]

Re: sleep training

This probably puts me in the bad parenting category, but it worked for us.

As you may have noticed, we're a pretty diverse group of people brought together by the odd fact that we're married to physicians or physicians in training. Outside of that small commonality, we run the gamut on politics, parenting, religion -- anything where people might have differing views. So I don't think anyone would accuse you of being a "bad parent", as long as you love your kids. I think DCJenn could tell us a thing or two about *actual* bad parents.

On one hand, I hate to have him so upset and on the other, I think that part of me feels like I am hurting his developement by not letting him "sleep on his own".

All babies wake up in the night. Heck, all adults do too. It's part of the normal sleep cycle. Some babies just need more help re-settling and slipping back to sleep. Maybe they're more sensitive than others to their surroundings, maybe they've developed a sleep association that is tough for them to get around. But if they are successfully re-settled and continue to get their nighttime sleep, they're not getting any better or worse sleep than babies who don't need parenting at night. Chances are their parents are less rested though, so hopefully you guys can make a change you all are happy with.