Breastfeeding in public

[Tenacious_D]

I have to start by saying that I LOVE breastfeeding. I knew I wanted to do it but I never knew how much I would love it and how close I feel to DS. It's truly an amazing experience BUT...living in NYC I am so nervous about going out with DH and DS. Where do we go to breastfeed. There is one place in the Upper West Side called the Upper Breastside (a store that caters to breastfeeding moms) that I feel 100% comfortable going into to feed. We are heading up to Boston to stay with the inlaws for around 10 days and will have a car and I want to go out to the mall while DH is interviewing but I am nervous about where to feed DS. We will have a car in Boston but it's too cold for the car and I refuse to use a restroom. Who wants to eat lunch in a filthy public bathroom?!?!

What have you other breastfeeding ladies done in the past? I do pump but now have a freezer full of milk (he has had a bottle once after I had some alcohol). I hate feeling like a prisoner because I want to breastfeed!

[madeintaiwan]

Re: Breastfeeding in public

You gotta do what you're comfortable with but I breastfeed EVERYWHERE. I breastfed sitting on the lip of a planter when I was with Jenn on the main street in Lawrence with our 4 kids and people walking by. I have a light blanket that I use to cover up. If you want to nurse, do not let anyone make you feel like there is something wrong with what you're doing. If people don't like it, they can look the other way. I fed Eó at the department picnic in front of his attendings at a park. Screaming crying hungry baby vs. nursing fed happy baby. I'm not trying to sound mean so I hope you don't take it that way. This is just one of those things that gets my blood boiling and one of the top reasons why I miss living in Davis. I didn't think twice about whipping it for my 2.5 year old. I hope that you'll be able to come to solution that's best for you.

Re: Breastfeeding in public

NORDSTROM. It is the MOST mom-friendly store. Every store I've ever been in has a "mother's lounge".

That said -- NYC and Boston are both cities I would assume to be more liberal and I wouldn't hesitate to whip it out. But then I breastfed Matalin at a rest stop in rural Missouri ... so I guess I don't hesitate many places. Be loud and proud! You're doing the most natural thing in the world. As long as you don't try to squirt passers-by, I think you're good.

Re: Breastfeeding in public

I breastfed sitting on the lip of a planter when I was with Jenn on the main street in Lawrence with our 4 kids and people walking by.

She did. But Lawrence is where Kansas keeps all of it's liberals, and Eo is the world's fastest nurser. But Davita and I have both sat in restaurants breastfeeding at the same time -- of course Eo takes 4 minutes and Matalin takes 45 .... but we're both "out there!"

[Tenacious_D]

Re: Breastfeeding in public

Davita! You are great. That's not mean at all but I also get really angry when I hear people say such nasty things about breastfeeding in public as though it's lewd behavior.

Jenn, thanks for the Nordstrom tip. I have been looking online for stores that have those kinds of rooms.

I guess I have to just get out there and do it! We will see what happens after our trip Thanks ladies!

[migirl]

Re: Breastfeeding in public

I was much more nervous about nursing in public with DS#1, I think I hardly nursed him outside the house at all. Now ... I don't even think twice about nursing DS#2 in public. I usually just cover up with a light blanket and nurse wherever we happen to be :huh: (much to DH's sort-of-mock chagrin... ). Depending on where we are, sometimes I don't even bother with the blanket. The other day we were at the children's museum, and I just sat on the floor up against the wall and lifted up my shirt. I've nursed DS#2 while sitting at an outdoor table at a restaurant on Main Street here, with LOTS of passing cars and pedestrians.

If that makes you uncomfortable, I'd suggest dressing rooms in stores if you're going to be at the mall. If we're in a restaurant, I'll ask to sit in a booth and sit up against the wall ... nobody ever seems to notice (or at least they don't say anything!) if I nurse DS#2 that way.

Nursing in public does take some practice and getting used to, I'll admit.

[MrsK]

Re: Breastfeeding in public

I don't see nursing anywhere that's public to be an issue as long as you cover up with a little blanket. There is nothing lewd about nursing but some people are just not comfortable seeing boobies in public. I must admit I felt a little shocked when I friend of mine repeatedly whipped out her breast at a dinner party a few weeks ago -- my friend becomes very anxious when her year old daughter makes any sound at all, inclusive of the usual baby babbling, and immediately apologizes for the child and muzzles her with a nipple. I think it was a combination of the mother's distress and a completely exposed breast at the dining table that made people uncomfortable; It may have helped if she covered herself.

[Malpka]

Re: Breastfeeding in public

I think those faux-maternity, empire waist style blouses are really great for BFIP. Keeps the goodies and theback fat from showing. I do it everywhere, and I think once you get the hang of it being discreet is easy. I think most of the time people have no clue that is what I am doing :huh:

[SuzySunshine]

Re: Breastfeeding in public

Nordstroms is great. I wouldn't plan on using dressing rooms, some stores will ask you to leave. Even though its very un-mom friendly that is their right. A lot of malls now have nursing rooms that are near the family restrooms, any directory should have those listed. Most malls have benches in the main area of the mall and I agree that as long as your discreet you should be fine. You should also find out what the laws are in your state, not only in the one you live in but the ones you visit. In some states it is illegal to ask breastfeeding mothers to stop regardless of their location.

This should help: http://www.ncsl.org/programs/health/breast50.htm

Adele never breastfed well under a blanket but then again she wasn't a great nurser.

[Tenacious_D]

Re: Breastfeeding in public

I bought a few shirts from this site: http://www.boobdesign.com/boob_eng.html because I am not a huge fan of the blanket. I get hot and so does he. I just need to get used to the unpleasant stares because I see them towards other BFing moms. You would think NYC would be more accepting but every city has it's idiots.

At home though, it's a free boob zone so when the other bf'ing moms come over there are no blankets and no uncomfortableness at all. I just wish it were the same outdoors. People need to know I am not trying to flash them...it's not even Mardi Gras!

Re: Breastfeeding in public

I think most of the time people have no clue that is what I am doing :huh:

Seriously - the older gentleman a few doors over was talking to me about the baby and stroking her head while I was nursing her. And he had NO idea (or would have been totally mortified).

I had the same problem with blankets with the boys. They didn't like to be covered. Davita just hemmed a light piece of cotton for me, and it's a lot more comfortable for both of us. But Matalin takes so long to nurse, I still will pull the blanket down to expose her head -- I just like to know the blanket is there to cover what needs to be covered.

And I know NYC can't stop you from nursing. I remember something a few years back where some women won the right to go shirtless b/c men can.

Re: Breastfeeding in public

You just have to remember that you are not doing anything wrong! If anyone has a problem with nursing in public it is THEIR problem!

I breastfeed everywhere too - in malls or parks I usually just find a bench and go at it. Personally though, I still don't like showing a lot of flesh when I nurse in public but I find it easy to be discreet. I either wear shirts that pull up above the breast to cover flesh, or use my hooter hider (http://www.bebeaulait.com). The latter is nicer than a blanket because you dont have to worry about the babe pulling it off, I never found it as hot, and baby can still see your face. They make it blatantly obvious what you are doing though!

ETA: Can't believe I forgot this, but I also often nurse walking round with DS in a sling. We do this at the supermarket and even did in the lines at Disneyland and nobody has a clue!

[KCwife]

Re: Breastfeeding in public

I breastfed sitting on the lip of a planter when I was with Jenn on the main street in Lawrence with our 4 kids and people walking by.

She did. But Lawrence is where Kansas keeps all of it's liberals, and Eo is the world's fastest nurser. But Davita and I have both sat in restaurants breastfeeding at the same time -- of course Eo takes 4 minutes and Matalin takes 45 .... but we're both "out there!"

Maybe that is why I would always nurse anywhere... we were in undergrad in Lawrence when we had our DD's.

[Auspicious]

Re: Breastfeeding in public

Great advice here.

I'm glad and impressed that breastfeeding is going so well, Danielle! I think for the first three months I was kind of "officially" glad that breastfeeding was working out for us, and didn't have actual glad feelings about it until after the fourth trimester. And you have a freezer stash? As breastfeeding goes, you're doing really really well, and I predict you will be one of those supersmooth public breastfeeders by Valentine's Day.

I, on the other hand, am an awkward, self-conscious schmuck, and I never did get comfortable with public breastfeeding. I think my goal with hypothetical #2 is to accept my discomfort. BUT, I still did it all kinds of places and just faked that I was okay with it.

The thing that helped me to get to that point was to actually practice at home. I pulled up a chair to a full length mirror and practiced latching her on without showing anything. With shirt still pulled down, reach up under and pull down bra cup, lift baby's head to be even with breast, lift shirt up just to the top of the areola, use pointer and middle fingers to mash nipple into shape and stick the baby on there, ease shirt down one inch to just brush baby's cheek. Looking in the mirror I was relieved to see that from the front view the baby's head covers everything. The only view that showed any parts was my view from above. Someone would have to be standing almost over my shoulder to see anything. This was when she was little and needed me to latch her on--when she got older she could latch herself on upside down and in the dark with both hands tied behind her back. Also I never wore a bella band while pregnant, but I did wear one while nursing so that it was much less noticeable that I had my shirt hiked up.

Also, if you're just on a bench or something, if you park your stroller in front of you, especially a stroller with a coat slung over the handles, that forms quite a barrier as well.

My other advice is don't procrastinate until the baby is super hungry, because then they may fuss and fight latching on, and then you're attracting attention, whereas latching on a quiet baby does not.

For the mall in Boston, I agree you can always use an empty changing room if you can't find anywhere else. Our favorite mall here has a "family restroom" with a lounge area and changing table attached to its own sink (and a tiny little toddler-size toilet (cute!) and a big toilet with a carseat-like thing to strap a toddler into to keep them off the floor while the adult goes!) So you may check to see if they have something like that.

I know, NYC is so crowded that being out in public doesn't just mean that there are strangers around, but that you're pretty much literally rubbing elbows with strangers most of the time. Strangers who have no compunction about yelling at you. Plus some other cultural issues. But you're obviously in good company if they can support a whole store dedicated to breastfeeding. Surely they have some good resources for bf in NY?

Good luck, it's going to get easier. Even if you didn't improve at all, the baby will get better at it as he gets older. You're going to do great.

ETA: cross-posted with like five different people

[spotty_dog]

Re: Breastfeeding in public

The National Mall, nursing a 19 month old with no cover. THE OBSCENITY OF IT ALL!!! :P

(Oops, forgot this was a public forum. It's not the nursing, it's my face I don't want to splash all over, LOL.)

I was pretty shy when he was an infant, but meeting other breastfeeding mothers as he grew gave me confidence. It's just feeding a baby. I'm self-conscious about my tummy showing (going to work out a good system of dressing in layers when #2 is here) but not about my boob. Any problem that people have with a second's flash of nipple or a bit of side-boob is THEIR problem. The only reason to find a quiet place to nurse is if you want the quiet, or if your babe is getting old enough to be distractable. Then a Nordstrom, or any other fitting room (Motherhood Maternity's policy is to give their fitting rooms to nursing mothers ahead of customers trying on clothes!), a nursing lounge, or out-of-the-way bench, can be handy.

I'm pretty sure that in every state of the union, if you're legally allowed to BE someplace, you're legally allowed to breastfeed there.