Bed sharing?

OK, so sharing a bed with our baby was the one and only thing that DH and I swore we would never, ever do. Also, before we had Nate, I thought that no one slept with their baby nowadays, so I was really surprised when some of the myriad of baby books I devoured were actually recommending bed sharing.

Anyway, I do sleep with my baby sometimes. As a rule, I try to avoid it, but the simple fact is that he sleeps better/longer in our bed, it makes nighttime breastfeeding so much easier, and, well, I enjoy it. But still, somewhere in the back of my mind, sleeping with Nate seems dangerous and makes me feel like a bad mom. (A good mom would never fall asleep in the middle of feeding her infant. A good mom would never endanger her child by letting him sleep in her bed. A good mom would have her baby sleeping in his own room by now...) Of course, when there's even a chance that I think I'll fall asleep with him, I take precautions. And I always have a rail on my side of the bed, just in case.

How do you all feel about sharing a bed with your baby?

Nate usually sleeps in the portable crib in the corner of our room. He's such a heavy sleeper and he's so young (3 months) that we don't have any qualms about having sex with him in the room.

Now, if he were older, I have no idea how that would work. My guess is, it wouldn't. At any rate, I plan to have him in his own room by 5-6 months, so I'm not overly worried about that.

[moonlight]

I'm a expecting mom and curious to see where this thread goes. I'm wondering if breast fed babies end up in the parent's bed more than bottle fed babies.

I'm just like you pre-baby.... I can't imagine ever sleeping with my baby. I just don't trust myself, DH, or the cats!! LOL!

[spotty_dog]

The lady across the street just had her...fourth, I think. Her eldest is a bearded teenager. She said that after the first two, and all that getting up in the night to walk down the hall to the crib, she realized that they're only babies for a short time and you might as well make it easier on everyone. So her new babe is in her bed. (He's also the firt she's hoping to be able to breastfeed, but when I spoke with her he was two weeks and was on bottles while she was pumping due to medication and C-section complications.)

We didn't even get a crib for either baby when they were born. Eddy had a bed-side co-sleeper that he used for a couple of months before gettng to a stage where he slept better in contact with the mama. For Natalie, all we got was a bed rail for our king size bed. But it turns out that she sleeps better alone, the stinker. She spends about half her sleeping time in the guest room queen; I often stay in there with her after nursing her back down in the night.

I think every family should choose what's best for them. Safe bed sharing is very achievable and in many cases is absolutely the easiest option for night time parenting. Safe crib use is also possible, and many babies adapt well to crib sleeping. You do what works and what you're comfortable with. Don't feel guilty!

Lily: that definitely counts as a FAQ of co-sleeping. Suffice it to say that many co-sleeping families have a much more...INTERESTING love life when they take advantage of horizontal and vertical surfaces where the baby is NOT sleeping. In our case, there is usually the guest room available if the master is taken, and vice versa. When they're really little and you have a big bed, some quiet activities can take place in the same room without moving the kiddo.

[madeintaiwan]

We have bed shared with all three of our kids. J was 3 when he got the boot, A was 2.5 but she just moved into sleeping with J. That lasted for about 6 months and then they slept in their own beds in the same room. E still sleeps in our bed and he just turned 1. He starts the night in his universal co-sleeper next to our bed. That said, I also nursed the kids til 2.5, 22 months, and 12 months. IMO, it makes nursing so much easier. There are plenty of other rooms to get laid in.

[SuzySunshine]

We don't bed share, we've just never felt comfortable with it DH is a very heavy sleeper yet moves quite a bit. Our room is right across the hall from the nursery and we put a very comfortable rocker recliner in there which I would sleep in sometimes if the baby wouldn't go back to sleep after a late night feeding.

[GrayMatterWife]

How do you all feel about sharing a bed with your baby?

I can't even sleep with the baby in the room, much less in the bed. No way. Always wriggling, squeaking, etc. I can't get to sleep myself. Plus, DH and I need our private space. Place to talk, to watch TV, just to be grownups, etc. No kids in our bedroom.

I would rather get up and go down the hallway to baby's room to feed in the night.

But, if you like to sleep with the baby, I don't see a big problem. Get one of those co-sleeper beds, and you should be good. Right?

[DCJenn]

Caveat- never had an infant (yay! sleeping through the night is a good thing) but he loved sleeping by himself after sharing a crib in the orphanage.

That said, when my husband was deployed and we were both freaking out a bit and he was going through toilet training, we ended up in my bed (with dog and cats) more often than not. He woke up several times a night and I was a zombie for a while there- finally I just decided to let the chips fall where they may and at the minimum I'd get some sleep. It wasn't every night but it was often enough.

Now he comes in every morning and crawls in between us and usually five minutes in starts talking and planning the day. There is no sleeping in anymore. (but on the weekend he knows that he's on his own until 8am)

Jenn

[migirl]

I slept with both of my kids until they were around 4-5 months, at which point they went into the crib. I say ... do whatever works for you!

[Michele]

We share sleep with our 6month old and our almost 3 year old.

[houseelf]

We cosleep for at least the first year of life and I still feel nervous about it. Apparently half of all SIDS cases occur in cosleeping scenarios.

FWIW, we also swore to NEVER cosleep, or use the pacifier, or permit sugar cereal...Now I don't swear off ANYTHING because I'm afraid it has the opposite effect.

We have a little nest that goes in between us, but often the baby just ends up right next to me sometime in the night. I have milk production problems so my kids typically need to eat more frequently than other babies. This is the only way I was able to make it to a year of BF with the first two.

I don't endorse cosleeping or crib sleeping. It is what works for us. There are so many other things to get fired up about.

Kelly

[Deebs]

We never intended to co-sleep. with DD, she was in a bassinet in our room for a couple of months. We had the same set up for DS, but i would literally wake up in the morning and realize that, at some point in the night, i had gotten up to feed DS and must have fallen asleep with him on top of me. I don't really move at all if i sleep on my back, so it didn't make me nervous, but i always felt better if I woke up like that and dh was at work - I guess I don't trust him not to hit the baby in his sleep or something. The first couple of times this happened, it really freaked me out, but then I just realized how exhausted I must have been and went with it. After a couple of months, we got into a better routine, and DS would be in his crib all night. I say...whatever works!

[MrsK]

There is barely enough room for me in the bed with DrK and Moxie. I've woken up clinging to the side of the bed on several occassions and Moxie has actually fallen out of bed a few times. So I think it is safe to say that there will be no babies sleeping in our bed.

That said. . . I cared for my nephew when he was a newborn (my SIL had complications and was in ICU for several weeks for those of you that haven't heard the story). Of course I wasn't nursing but this was my experience. Initally, I had him in a bassinet next to the bed. Babies make a lot of noise even when they are not distressed. I found that I couldn't get to sleep because I was reacting to every peep. Then, when he did actually start to cry, I'd jump up and grab him before I was fully awake and prepared to help him. I'd be half asleep, running around the kitchen, trying to prepare a bottle, with a wailing infant in my arms. Not good. After a couple days, I put him in the nursery and slept in the room next to the nursery. I could still hear him but I had a few moments to determine whether he would settle on his own or if he needed me. Then, if he did need me, I'd have a little time to get the bottle ready before going in an picking him up. So. Much. Better.

[Malpka]

I have always shared sleep with our kids. DH was often gone on call at night, I hate sleeping by myself, and IMO the beauty of breastfeeding is that I don't have to get out of bed to do it.
And since I am about to pop with our 4th kid, and we have only been married 7 years, I would say we manage in the nookie department

We never intended to co-sleep. We had a crib and everything.
The first three months or so DS was in a basket by the bed, and since then has been right in the bed. Works for us.
As for nookie, who needs a bed for that?