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Keeping DD in bed

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  • #1

    Keeping DD in bed

    DD will be 4 in November, and is making me crazy! She has had a ton of change lately - we moved her far from her many friends, playdates, and town with tons of preschool focused activities, baby #3 is coming in October, which she talks about constantly (so it's obviously on her mind), and we finally took her pacifier away completely.

    She has definitely had trouble adjusting - increased temper tantrums, cutting out naps, asking to watch television, etc. It doesn't help that her mom is exhausted and worn down, but I do pretty well working with her during the day. The problem comes at night. When DH is at work, I am pretty much done with the kids by 7pm and would like to go to bed. We've always done an 8:30 bedtime with a pretty good bedtime routine. Lately, she is out of bed and off in search of me SEVERAL times each night. "Mommy, I'm scared", "I miss you," "I'm hungry," and the best - "I'm sad because there's not enough pink in my room." I'm at my whits end. She now has a nightlight, white noise machine, and a fresh glowstick to sleep with each night. I've tried rewarding her for staying in bed, the glowsticks (which do help a little), laying with her a few minutes, making her bedtime a little later, making her bedtime a little earlier, and now I'm out of ideas. I'm completely failing and I'm so tired! I just want my time to myself for about 30 minutes before I pass out. Any thoughts???? At this point, no idea is too out there, expensive, crazy, etc. Bring it on...
    -Deb
    Wife to EP, just trying to keep up with my FOUR busy kids!
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  • #2
    When my oldest was that age she went through about 6 months of this. We finally told her that if she got out of bed she had two choices - she could sleep on the floor next to the door, or in her bed, but could not leave her room. She decided that she would put her quilt next to the doorway, and she would line it up with the seam in the carpet to get as close to the hallway as possible. It was so damn funny. It worked!!!!! She slept on the floor on her quilt for almost six months, and suddenly, she decided it was OK to stay in the bed. Crazy, but that is what worked for us. If she left her room, I took away the option of sleeping near the door for that night !!!!
    Luanne
    wife, mother, nurse practitioner

    "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." (John, Viscount Morely, On Compromise, 1874)

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    • #3
      Writing this out was like a bad flashback!!!!!!!!!!!
      Luanne
      wife, mother, nurse practitioner

      "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." (John, Viscount Morely, On Compromise, 1874)

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      • #4
        This is going to sound really bad (and it may not work for you since your child is a little older), but when we first moved DS#1 into a bed we put a childproof cover over the doorknob on the inside so he couldn't open the door. Part of the reason was for his own safety, I didn't want him up and wandering around in the middle of the night if we were asleep ... but part of it was also to give him the message that once he's in his room and in bed, he's in for the night.
        ~Jane

        -Wife of urology attending.
        -SAHM to three great kiddos (2 boys, 1 girl!)

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        • #5
          We were having this conversation in one of my mom's groups the other day and these aren't things I've tried but one said she turned the doorknobs around so it locked from the outside and one said they used a bungee cord to secure the door shut. A is currently in a room with a door she can't open and it seems to be working.
          Wife to NSG out of training, mom to 2, 10 & 8, and a beagle with wings.

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          • #6
            We tried turning the doorknob around, until I was locked in the bedroom with a toddler and an infant and my husband wsa out of town. I ended up climbing out onto the roof a yelling until a neighbor heard me. This was before cell phones / portable phones !!!
            Luanne
            wife, mother, nurse practitioner

            "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." (John, Viscount Morely, On Compromise, 1874)

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            • #7
              Have you given her a stuffed animal or blanket to take the place of the paci? Has she completely cut out her naps? If not, then she may be ready to.

              We had the same issues with DS when he was 3 (start of preschool/DD's birth/ready to cut out naps) and he still gets out of bed occassionally. 99.9% of the time it's because he is anxious about something. He's a worrier. If he gets out of bed at night, I'll ask him if something is making him sad and then he'll blurt out whatever it is. He just doesn't know how to address his feelings yet so I've learned that "I heard a noise" or "I'm thirsty" is code for "another kid hurt my feelings at school" or "I'm nervous about my doctor's appt", etc. Once he's had a chance to get it all out, he sleeps just fine. If I just send him back to bed without addressing whatever might be bothering him, then he's guaranteed to keep getting out of bed.

              Your daughter is probably feeling a lot of anxiety from all of the changes, but doesn't know how to verbalize her feelings yet. Have you tried talking to her to see how she feels about the move, her paci, etc?

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              • #8
                We have been going through this too.

                Does she like to look at books in bed? We get a fresh stack of books (like 10-12!) from the library each week which we keep by my 3 year old daughter's bed. I read a couple at bedtime, and then she stays up looking at them once I leave. Since she doesn't see them any other time and I get so many,they still seem new when she looks at them at night (or nap). I think knowing she can stay up a little bit and "read" helped her feel more in control and not as upset about separting from me.

                She kept leaving her flashlight on, so now there is a bright night light by her bed which she usually turns off when she gets sleepy. I have seen this Tyke Light at Walmart http://www.walmart.com/catalog/produ...ct_id=10072793 and it shuts off automatically after so long...would save you money in glow sticks and be something new to motivate her. It was in the baby section.

                Since starting preschool and getting a baby sister, she has needed more time to unwind before bed, so I start the bedtime process earlier than I used to (7ish). Talking with her about our bedtime routine (2 books, a Bible story, "draw" on her back, and a snuggle) helped her know exactly what to expect and when I was going to leave. I would try and start everything earlier...especially on days she didn't nap or was extra cross.

                Those things have seemed to help around here the last few weeks. Tomorrow night could be a different story I'm sure though! Hope that helps a little.

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