au pair

[alison]

Have any of you had an au pair stay with you?
What do you think about such an arrangement?

I know it's WAY too early for our family, but I will admit that I've starting fantasizing about ways I can leave the house and do things on my own... Plus, it'd be good to have another German speaker in the house.

TIA.

[Thirteen]

Alison,

A friend of mine recently graduated and got a job in Paris doing just that (she lived there for a year through IP at our university, and speaks French). I think it sounds fantastic -- in fact, a close childhood friend of mine in the states is considering one for her baby and she's only 5 1/2 months along. It's never too early, I guess.

[alison]

Thanks! Do you know what agency your friend went with? Dh had a patient (in labor!) explain to him that it's run by the govt. here, and the au pairs take classes for part of the time.

[oceanchild]

My old boss was a single, working mom, and she has been using au pairs for probably 12 years now, at least. (I think her daughter just started high school.) She always spoke very highly of them, and I think she enjoyed the exchange student feel of the arrangement.

[Sheherezade]

I'm sure that the "bad au pair" experience is the exception -- BUT that's the only story I've heard. We had friends that had two au pairs in a row leave after having boyfriend issues. With the second, it got very involved and was a wrenching experience for the whole family. The au pair was more like a college aged daughter than an employee. In Boston, our upstairs neighbor/landlords remodeled their house to provide a college student babysitter with an au pair suite. She was supposed to move in and get room and board in exchange for care -- then she dropped out of school and notified them by letter after she had left the state.

Buyer beware.

Our current neighbors have a college student that lives with them and babysits. She isn't an official "au pair" but they've been happily together for three years now. I suppose you need to interview carefully!

Obviously I haven't had one, but a former colleague had one come when each of her 3 kids were born. They'd get a Spanish speaker (her husband spoke exclusively Spanish to the kids, she spoke exclusively English). They must have had good experiences b/c they continued to do it.

I'm friends with her on FB if you want me to get info about agencies, etc.

[Vishenka69]

A couple of partners at DH's group have au pairs. They generally like them but said that having to include a stranger in every single family activity got to be a pain at some point.

We kind of, sort of discussed this as a possibility at some point in the future. But neither one of us feels comfortable with a Russian-speaking one, so we'd have to agree on what 3rd language the kid would be introduced to.

[SuzySunshine]

DH's chairman has 6 kids, his wife is also a doc. They've had several au pairs and finally gave up - they just couldn't keep one or find one that was a good fit.

I know you want the foreign language component but maybe you could find an american college student that would work better. SU has classifieds if you want a helper while you're there, I'm sure you could find a great candidate that was looking for some extra money to give you some time off.

But neither one of us feels comfortable with a Russian-speaking one, so we'd have to agree on what 3rd language the kid would be introduced to.

Just out of curiosity, why? (if you don't mind answering ..)

[GrayMatterWife]

I'm sure that the "bad au pair" experience is the exception -- BUT that's the only story I've heard. . . . Buyer beware. . . . I suppose you need to interview carefully!

I have not had an au pair, but folks I know who have had them had universally had bad experiences. I mean, bad. Weird girls, strange habits, abruptly leaving, being unprofessional, personal drama, treating it like a partying vacation. But, au pairs are really popular, so I think my friends may have had oddly bad experiences! Maybe it will be helpful that you speak the native tongue of the au pair. Good luck! If you can find a good one, it sounds like it would be a great fit for your family needs!

[madeintaiwan]

Alison,
DH's uncle and aunt (she's Austrian) own an au pair business that's based in Austria. Au pair in a america. If you're really interested let me know and I'll get you into contact with them. They've had it for years, even back when all that British nanny stuff went down.

[Vishenka69]

Just out of curiosity, why? (if you don't mind answering ..)

I'm willing to bet good money that 95% of Russian girls who sign up with an au pair agency do it to catch a husband. All of our friends/relatives who've had Russian babysitters/nannies wouldn't consider anyone under 40-50. Traditionally babysitting has always been seen as an occupation for a retired or a semi-retired woman. Young girls never went for it and I can't see them do it now for non-personal/material gains.

[GrayMatterWife]

DH's chairman has 6 kids, his wife is also a doc.

HOLY COW!! How to they find time to...even sit down? Their lives must be so crazy! Good for them, though.

What's with NSG chairmen, anyway? Sean Grady from UPenn also has six kids! I told DH that he should let go of any future chairman notions...I am 36 and we have only 2!

[alison]

Thanks for your input, everyone.
I think I'll revisit this when it gets closer to when we are actually in the market for someone. Davita, thanks for your offer--I'll ask again when we're ready.

[Malpka]

Vishenka, that is so funny. My DH is Polish (moved to US at 13), and when I said how cool it would be to have a Polish au pair to reinforce the language, he was all hell-to-the-no for much the same reasons.

We have 2 friends who swear by au pairs, and one who has had several really awful experiences. I think it would be super convenient, but I just can't imagine giving up that much privacy. I need to go grab a cup of coffee in my skivvies sometimes.