Going back to work after baby

[JC76]

Hi everyone. I know I've been MIA since having the baby in late September, but have continued keeping up with the site for the most part. I'm posting today because I'm curious to hear folks' thoughts on going back to work after the first baby.

I had Zoe on Sept. 30th and have been able to stay home with her since then. It's basically been the greatest joy of my life. Only drawback has been seeing my husband miss out on so much because of his demanding schedule.

So the baby and I just played together on the couch here for about an hour with her laughing, cooing, squealing, grabbing my face... all that completely adorable stuff that 10 week olds do... and now she's sleeping. And all I can thinking about is how having her and taking care of her has been the most fulfilling thing I've ever done in my life. This after having had a very successful career in my 20's and graduating from law school and passing the bar in my early 30's.

I always knew I wasn't going to want to go hardcore into legal practice after having her. But I'm also very worried that if I don't get back into the swing of things professionally now, it will make it all the more difficult to get back into it when I really need to.

The "unofficial" 3 month maternity leave I gave myself before starting to apply for jobs is coming to a close - and all I want to do is stay home with her. We really need the money so it's not even like I totally have a choice in the matter... but I guess my debate is whether or not to pursue a full time conventional job and just suck it up like so many women do, or do I try the harder route of finding some creative way to make money while still being her mostly-primary caregiver. Until now my professional accomplishments have always been a large part of what's made me "me," and I honestly thought I'd get kinda bored with the whole "full time mom" thing and would really WANT to get back to work. Instead, I'm feeling exactly the opposite - watching her change and develop has just been awesome. I'm not missing work at all at the moment.

I should add that while we do have grandparents involved, they're not prepared to be full time babysitters - so I'm looking at either daycare or paid babysitting for her if I got back to work. Obviously this factors into things too.

Just looking for some of your experiences and thoughts... Thanks in advance for the advice, as always.

We really need the money so it's not even like I totally have a choice in the matter... but I guess my debate is whether or not to pursue a full time conventional job and just suck it up like so many women do, or do I try the harder route of finding some creative way to make money while still being her mostly-primary caregiver. Until now my professional accomplishments have always been a large part of what's made me "me," and I honestly thought I'd get kinda bored with the whole "full time mom" thing and would really WANT to get back to work. Instead, I'm feeling exactly the opposite - watching her change and develop has just been awesome. I'm not missing work at all at the moment.

First: CONGRATULATIONS and welcome back! I still want to see pictures of the little smush, but totally understand if you're waiting 'til you're in private forums. Hopefully this thread will get you there.

Second, and on point: I've always felt that people who were able to achieve a part-time balance were the luckiest (but in total disclosure, I've never been a career driven person and I've stayed at home since my oldest was 7 months old). You do (sometimes) tire of the SAHM gig, and it can be mind numbing not to have another adult to interact with. Honestly, some days going to the office would be a welcome escape. But there are things you miss, and things you have to relinquish control over when another daycare provider is involved. It's really all about your comfort level with both. As an attorney, you'll likely be equipped to earn a decent living, even at a part-time status -- but I know the law might be a difficult thing to do part time.

One of my friends was also very career driven and originally returned to work full time. She eventually pared down to a "job share" status (she works for Microsoft) for about 5 years. She really felt it was the perfect fit: lots of time with her kids, but she still got to work her mind, use her skills and bring in $.

Best of luck in your decision.

[JaneDoe]

I was in your situation almost 6 years ago now. I was an attorney and I just had my first baby. Prior to having her, I just assumed I would go back to work. That's what my Mom did and I thought it's what I would do. Wrong!

It turned out after 3 months of maternity leave that I had found my dream job. I loved being home with dd. Loved it! I was scrambling to see how Dh and I could work it financially for me to quit my job. Since Dh was in residency and I was the main breadwinner at that time, we couldn't do it. We would not be able to pay our mortgage without my income.

Dh was only 2 years away from being done with residency, so I at that point I planned that I would quit work to SAH when he finished residency. Those two years when dd was in daycare were hard on me. I wasn't focused on my job like I should have been and I just thought about dd. I have had no regrets about staying home with my kids. There are some really hard days, but it's much more satisfying to me.

My advice is to go with your gut! If you can at some point work it out financially and you want to stay home- go for it. I know from my experience that there people in the field (often women) who will look at you like your crazy if you mention that you want to be home with your kids. I tended to keep those thoughts to myself when I worked because I just didn't want the comments.

Good luck and enjoy your little one!

[MrsK]

No advise but watching with interest. I'll be in your boat about 3 months from now. However, like JaneDoe, I honestly don't see any way that I can quit my work all together to be a SAHM now.

[Deebs]

When I had DD1, DH was a PGY-2. From the time DD was 3 months until the time she was 9 months, I worked about 60 hour weeks. I missed her a ton, but actually didn't feel like I was missing out - we had an awesome daycare provider who I lucked into, and I loved my job. After just a couple months, DH and I started running into problems of not being able to pick her up before daycare closed, and then we actually forgot her TWICE (really, I thought DH was getting her because I was working late, and he got stuck on shift when he should have been done). After that, I happened upon a part time job and went for it. I worked three days one week, four days the next, and I loved it. I was completely over-qualified for my job and bored at my job, but didn't care one bit, and the pay was enough that I was still making more than DH, so financially we were okay. I would not have been able to handle the stress of living on just DH's income, and I really enjoyed the adult company when I was at work.

Now that we've moved a ton and had two more kids, it doesn't make financial sense for me to work and try to figure out daycare, but if I could, I would go back to some kind of 20-30 hour/week option.

So, the long way of getting to my advice...If you can find something part time that pays enough to make it work for you guys, I'd say go for that. If not, try for something full time if you need to, but keep your eyes and options open for something with fewer hours. When I found my part-time job, I was actually looking for opportunities for a friend, not myself. Everything just sort of fell into place, and I think that often happens when you prepare yourself to be open to an opportunity that comes along. None of these decisions are easy. I wish you luck!

[SoonerTexan]

No advise but watching with interest. I'll be in your boat about 3 months from now. However, like JaneDoe, I honestly don't see any way that I can quit my work all together to be a SAHM now.

MrsK--for three summers during high school and college, I was a 40 hr/week nanny for a family where the mother worked from home (though occasionally had to go in for office visits). The mom was right there the whole time, but she could get her work done without feeling interrupted and come out and spend some time with the kids when she had it.

I could see that working well for you

(The lady was also a ridiculous clean and control freak and boy did I not like her by the end of it all, but that's a different story )

[MrsK]

Sooner, how much do you charge?

[JC76]

Sooner - that's basically my long term plan once we actually have $$$...
I have a friend who telecommutes from home as an executive with a major credit card company, travels maybe once a month, and has a 5 day a week nanny to watch the kid while she works. Her DH is an ER doc too, now that I think about it. It's a great arrangement for her. Alas, out of the question for us now, unless I hit the lottery...

[houseelf]

Honestly, for me returning to work after my babies were some of the hardest days of my life. Be prepared to have to muscle through the first few weeks. You do get used to it.

I was fortunate to find a humane clerking position during my older two children's infancy. I found this position provided an excellent work/life balance. Additionally, daycare made these kiddos more resilient and adaptable. Seriously, they know how to go with the flow better than other kids. I also firmly believe that the WOHM/SAHM thing is overblown. I'm honestly not that different of a parent now that I SAH. The big difference is the ability to focus on my marriage more. When I was working, I was like, "Whatever, the kids needs take precedence". Now there is more of me to go around. I promise you that workign will not affect your relationship with your sweet baby girl negatively because that need is primal. Other things may slide however as you try to prioritize.

I wish you every luck as you make the best decision for you.

Kelly

[GrayMatterWife]

You have a lot of attorneys here who have been in your shoes. I agree with JaneDoe--go with your gut. I would caution you that it IS hard to get back into the practice if you've been out for a few years. You lose business contacts, you're out of practice, etc. But you can't live your life worrying about every single detail. If you want to stay home and you can financially pull it off, do it. Keep up your CLE and get back in the game when you want to.

[PrincessFiona]

Re: Going back to work after baby

I second GMW. I have been a sahm, worked part-time and worked full-time since having kids.

Currently, I am a sahm. I chose to sah even when we couldn't afford it and I don't regret it. I did a lot of penny pinching and we got by on one car. That being said, there have been times when I just had to get out and I did.

Your daughter will be OK no matter what you decide. What is most important is how YOU want to experience these years. If you want to be a sahm right now maybe you can extend your leave to 6 months and can test the financial waters and look for telecommuting opportunities during unpaid time.

We can never have these years back, so live them the way YOU want them to be.

Kris

[Meenah]

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go with your gut.

There is no right or wrong way, and what is right for you now will also evolve. Why not pursue part-time and full-time and see what happens? You can always say no. Good luck, and enjoy your daughter.

[DCJenn]

I think now is a good time to look for PT legal positions as lots of law firms have downsized but still need help.

Also, maybe think outside of the box a bit- there are LOTS of legal advocacy places out there who are looking for attorneys to represent their clients but maybe not a top dollar and not full time. We have a group here in Texas called Advocacy, Inc. and they use PT lawyers all the time.

Also contact your local ombudsman- city or state and see if they have any suggestions. Perhaps some contacts at the local bar association may have some ideas.

and finally, adoption agencies need lawyers- maybe they're family law and you're not but I'm betting an adoption agency or other child-geared social services agency wouldn't bat an eye at the various issues we working moms have every now and again.

Jenn

PS- we have a retired Judge who works for us as our legal opinion spinmeister. Maybe you can see if any social services agencies need your expertise. (we do, otherwise we touchy feeling social work types get ourselves in big trouble)

[SoonerTexan]

Sooner, how much do you charge?

I was paid $10/hour. I could see you having to pay more for someone who is out of school, though. Are you near any universities? A college student could be a good bet, if they are responsible enough.

I will say having 4 younger siblings prepared me well, and I'm not sure how many of my friends would have done--caring for someone else's children on a full-time basis is tough. I was burned out by the end of the summer. (especially since the kids could be real brats!)

Good luck to both of you!

[JC76]

Jenn - Really great suggestions, thanks!