Sleep!

[HouseofWool]

ETA: after reading your last two posts.

STOP posting here, and go to safeway.com (or another grocery store) and place orders for groceries to be delivered to your house.

Go to diapers.com and order whatever you need. It'll be at your doorstep tomorrow.

STOP your dh from going out to run errands.

STOP whatever you're doing, throw screaming baby in the stroller, shove pacifier in his mouth, and go for a walk!!! Even 10 minutes. Clear your head.

This is good advice. If the weather is not awful - head outside for a bit with baby. If it is too cold for him, leave J with DrK and YOU go for a walk (if you are up for it).

Even though your milk is in, you may not be producing as much as you think. Teeny tiny tummies only hold a few ounces, so while you feel like your cup runneth over, it is probably just the bare minimum he needs.

Are you nursing both sides? With S, she would fall asleep on side one and then wake up hungry a short while later. I realized that she needed both sides to get sated enough to go more than a short while between feeds.

What does your feeding schedule look like?

[Michele]

Some babies will suckle a bit at first, then fall asleep at the breast but continue to "suck" every minute or so...they really aren't getting much milk then. If you think he might be doing that, you can try to stimulate him by tickling his feel, stroking his cheek, taking off the blanket/a layer to cool him....all to encourage a full nursing/drinking session instead of a lazy sleep-suck at the bar. One "rule of thumb" the NICU told me was that a newborn's stomach is only about the size of their fist. So it really doesn't take all that much milk to fill them up....but it also means they don't get enough to last more than a hour or three.

On Becoming Baby Wise

I hope things are going better for you. Sleep deprevation will drive a you crazy!

I recommend reading the On Becoming baby wise book. I followed the program and it worked great for us. I have had four other friends that I helped with this program and they all loved it too. Some people are against it because dumb parents starved their babies. The program worked great for us. My baby slept 6 hours through the night by Day 10. By 6 weeks, he slept 9 hours. He made up for his milk consumption during the day. He's a happy, healthy toddler now.

I also have a friend that recommends 12 hours in 12 weeks. I didn't put my son on a 12 hours sleeping until he was like 6 months. Just FYI.

Lacy

other sleeping tips

I would also recommend taking down a mobile or any lights int he room. You want to remove any pictures above the bed. No toys etc around to look at or play with. The idea is to make it as boring as possible in the crib so that when they wake up, they quickly go back to sleep because of lack of stimulation.

[Ravenclaw]

I know it's mind-numbingly exhausting in the beginning. Everyone's given great advice. I know you do not want to co-sleep and I totally understand that. That helped us in the beginning at night but then became a problem (24-7 milk buffet). Anyways, just wanted to add some advice...

Is the baby's crib/bassinet/where ever he's sleeping in the same room as you? A. did not want to nap unless it was in someone's arms when she was first born. I finally got her to nap alone in her crib (which is right next to our bed) while I slept on the bed. Their sense of smell is amazing so she must have felt comfortable knowing her milk source was close by.

Hang in there. I know you feel like you are going crazy (at least I did!) but it does get better slowly.

[SoonerTexan]

Disclaimer: MrsK, this is probably the last thing you want to be thinking about/researching right now and I really don't want to cause you unnecessary worry. I also do not have kids and I am a young, naive undergrad . My knowledge of this comes from my mother who is a marriage/family therapist with a background in attachment parenting ( and 5 kids) and some research I've done on it on my own. (result of a random situation that happened a few months ago)

That being said, if Babywise seems appealing, you may want to do a little more research before you jump headfirst into it. There are as many people who hate it/call it dangerous as those who love it. The author, Gary Ezzo, is a little questionable, especially as to whether he has any legit background on the subject. The book had to be rewritten multiple times to edit out advice that was deemed downright dangerous. I believe about 10 years ago the American Academy of Pediatrics issued something about it:

http://aapnews.aappublications.org/c...stract/14/4/21

That being said, I have a dear friend who used it and her son is very healthy and happy and she is a good mother. Just look into it before deciding if it is right for you

[bokelley]

I just wanted to say BIG HUGS!!! I hope you are getting some sleep right now

[MrsK]

We went to the peditrician today. I also got a follow up call from the lactation specialist that saw us in the hospital. They both say that J is behaving like a perfectly normal infant. Apparently, all the cool babies party all night and sleep all day.

He lost weight in the hospital -- 10% is not a long way to go when you start out as small as he did. Otherwise, his color is excellent, he has great head control, his eyes track, and he is doing all the things that a full term baby would do at 5 days old. The ped and the LC both think he'll turn the corner now that my milk is in. I nursed in the ped's office since J was hungery and he said that I'm doing great. J may not be nursing "efficiently" since it takes him about 20-40 minutes to empty each breast but he is not falling asleep. Rather, he is eagerly gulping and swollowing the whole time. He may be doing the all night cluster feed just to get caught up since (1) he's smaller than average, (2) he was a little over 2 weeks early, and (3) he's probably destined to be a big guy like his dad and grandpa and shares their big appetite.

The ped and LC both recommended many of the same things you all recommended. That I continue waking him every 2-3 hours during the day and keep the house lively during daylight hours. That the house is boring/just business in the evening. That I sleep when he sleeps (hard to do with the ILs around but they will be gone soon). They said to be patient and that eventually he'll adjust his schedule to ours. In the meanwhile, I'm waiting for my mom to arrive so she can take a night shift and I'm waiting for J to wake up so he can nurse off my breasts which are expanding like balloons.

Alison, took your advise today too. The weather is beautiful. DrK and I took J to the ped and then pigged out at Sonic. It was disgusting but we were giggling like teenagers over his parents ridiculous antics and we were just so happy to be on this adventure together. Notwithstanding sleep deprevation, we are having a great time. . . . I'll have to re-read this when I next check in at about 4AM.

[Urowife]

That's great news, I'm glad to hear he is nursing so well! He will get the day/night thing figured out soon. Hang in there!

[HouseofWool]

It sounds like you are doing great MrsK. It will get easier, it really will.

[Auspicious]

Apparently, all the cool babies party all night and sleep all day.

Woohooooooo . . . ZZZzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzz . . .

attachment parenting

I read an old copy of the baby wise book and then I bought myself one of the new version. I did not see anything dangerous taken out. Can you tell me what was taken out? Have you read the book?

I think that whether or not you want to put your baby on a schedule or not put your baby on a schedule is purely a personal choice. I do not think that the child ends up any better or worse with either option. I think its just a personal choice on how you want your life to be for the first few years. Scheduling worked really well for us. It especially worked well when my baby was left with his dad or grandma. I could write down exactly what he needed and when. My mother in law was always shocked at how well he was adjusted to the schedule.

Again, I am not here to start a debate or tell someone that attachment parenting is "dangerous." I found that a little offending. I do not believe for a second that putting your baby on a schedule is dangerous. I just knew that I had to go back to work six weeks after my son was born and I could not function on zero sleep. I needed my sleep. I am not a happy person without six hours of straight sleep. My oldest sister passed the book down to me. It had the names of a ton of women in the cover. She told me that with her first she was an attachment parent and she didn't get to sleep through the night for a year and half. She said for her second, she had followed the schedule, and he was sleeping 6 hours at 2 weeks. I needed to learn more. I did a TON of research on it. I read the arguements against it. I read the arguements for it. I read other sleep books, etc. Baby wise fit me. I did not want to be a ferberizer. I don't like the ferberizer plan. It wasn't right for me. Baby wise might not be right for you, but I do not think its dangerous. I'm an intelligent woman. If my baby were starving, I would know. There were times during growth spirts that he had to eat 20 mins before his feeding time. As his mother, I could tell the difference between a hungry cry and a sleepy cry.

My son is 100% healthy and happy. He is very loved and he knows it. I would never put my child in "danger."

Lacy

[Urowife]

I read an old copy of the baby wise book and then I bought myself one of the new version. I did not see anything dangerous taken out. Can you tell me what was taken out? Have you read the book?

I think that whether or not you want to put your baby on a schedule or not put your baby on a schedule is purely a personal choice. I do not think that the child ends up any better or worse with either option. I think its just a personal choice on how you want your life to be for the first few years. Scheduling worked really well for us. It especially worked well when my baby was left with his dad or grandma. I could write down exactly what he needed and when. My mother in law was always shocked at how well he was adjusted to the schedule.

Again, I am not here to start a debate or tell someone that attachment parenting is "dangerous." I found that a little offending. I do not believe for a second that putting your baby on a schedule is dangerous. I just knew that I had to go back to work six weeks after my son was born and I could not function on zero sleep. I needed my sleep. I am not a happy person without six hours of straight sleep. My oldest sister passed the book down to me. It had the names of a ton of women in the cover. She told me that with her first she was an attachment parent and she didn't get to sleep through the night for a year and half. She said for her second, she had followed the schedule, and he was sleeping 6 hours at 2 weeks. I needed to learn more. I did a TON of research on it. I read the arguements against it. I read the arguements for it. I read other sleep books, etc. Baby wise fit me. I did not want to be a ferberizer. I don't like the ferberizer plan. It wasn't right for me. Baby wise might not be right for you, but I do not think its dangerous. I'm an intelligent woman. If my baby were starving, I would know. There were times during growth spirts that he had to eat 20 mins before his feeding time. As his mother, I could tell the difference between a hungry cry and a sleepy cry.

My son is 100% healthy and happy. He is very loved and he knows it. I would never put my child in "danger."

Lacy

I am so sorry to hijack this thread, MrsK, particularly with such a heated topic, BUT here goes...

Not all babies will do well on a schedule particularly high needs/ colicky ones. My DD literally nursed all day long the first few weeks. It's normal and expected. This is how she brought up my milk supply. If I'd tried to put her on a schedule, she wouldn't have gotten enough milk. I would have had to supplement with increasing amounts of formula and I probably would have given up nursing.

I'm not going to tell anyone how to parent, you're right that it's a personal choice. But, I think it needs to be an informed choice, and people should know that constant nursing and day/night reversal is entirely normal for a newborn. And that putting baby on a schedule is one way to "deal" with that, but it may not work for a baby/mom team, particularly in the beginning when trying to establish a milk supply. Some moms are blessed with lots of milk, but many, like myself, needed lots of nursing to really gets things established. A schedule would NOT have worked.

Also, I was never able to distinguish a hungry cry from a sleepy one. Does that make me a bad mom? I hope not.

End hijack.

MrsK, you are doing a fantastic job, and just know that things will get easier. Please continue to seek out our support. We're here for you!

[MrsK]

4 hours! Of sleep for me, not for J, but, yeah, Woo hoo!

Mom arrived last night. She was so excited that she was talking about 12 things at once. She went on about the new coffee table and Moxie's haircut for quite some time before I broke in and asked if she wanted to see the baby. Between staying up the last several nights and entertaining my ILs all day yesterday, I was exhausted and impatient. Initially she was driving me bats but I'm so glad she's here. Good thing I can snap at mom without getting a melodramatic reaction.

I had told her what was going on during the nights and initially she said something to the effect of, "Oh, we've got to change that." (Remember, she got her babies to sleep through the night by feeding us bottles of warm water as was in vogue parenting 35 years ago and told me that babies who cry to be held are naughty.) DrK and I told her about our peditrician visit and the call from the LC. After watching me nurse a couple times, she seemed to get less squeemish and even helped me to get him to latch one time when J kept putting his fist in his mouth just before getting to the nipple.

As is his custom, J became super-alert at about 11PM -- very cute and expressive, eyes wide open, looking around, nursing vigourously and then squeeling and crying every time he was put down. I asked Mom and DrK to help with the non-nursing duties (diaper changes, comforting, holding him, etc.) so I could get some sleep. They worked out a schedule and mom took the first shift. J fed several times between midnight and 3AM. In between feedings, I tried to doze a little while mom changed diapers and cuddled him. She quickly figured out that he would fuss and squeel the moment he was put down even if he was sound asleep. So she had him sleeping on her chest -- which is contrary to her parenting style but even she had to admit is so delicious. I got into bed shortly after 3AM thinking that I'd be up again in 20 minutes.

She and DrK switched shifts around 5. DrK says she had J sleeping on the boppy when he took over. He swaddled J and comforted him a little but says that J did not want to nurse until about 7. So, the down-side is that J went 4 hours without nursing and I went 4 hours without my pain meds. But the up-side is that I got 4 hours sleep for the first time since Wednesday. The sun just came up and we've been nursing the last 45 minutes or so. I lived though the night. I'm sure that mom and DrK will be a little drousy and so will I but we'll all have had some rest and will maybe even be lucid for the bris tonight.

[MrsK]

BTW, no worries about the "hijack". I'm so tired that I haven't been able to follow it any way. Enjoy your debate and I'll try to learn what I can.