For you experienced parents out there

[alison]

We've been invited to a party next weekend. The baby is invited, too. She sleeps wonderfully (for the most part), and we've got her in a routine that is foolproof.

Whenever we've messed with the routine, it has come to bite us in the rear. I don't want to leave dd with a sitter, and would rather stay home with her (knowing what I know about her liking to stick to her routine).

I would hate to have to wake her when it's time for us to leave the party, but don't really have experience with what the consequences are of doing so with a 4-month old (versus when dd was younger and we'd take her out).

Any suggestions? Cautionary tales?

TIA

[migirl]

What time is the party? What time does she usually go to sleep?

What we usually do is if we're taking the kids to a party or dinner or whatever and it goes past their bedtime, we'll all go but then we leave early to put them to bed. It sucks sometimes, but then we're definitely sticklers for bedtime and our routine and very rarely let them stay up too late.

I guess it just depends on what you're comfortable with. My SIL is always letting her kids stay up later, but that's just how she does things.

[Flynn]

What we usually do is if we're taking the kids to a party or dinner or whatever and it goes past their bedtime, we'll all go but then we leave early to put them to bed. It sucks sometimes, but then we're definitely sticklers for bedtime and our routine and very rarely let them stay up too late.

We do this too and taken a lot of crap for it over the years. Our kids are fantastic sleepers though and to this day sleep at least 7-7 so it's all worth it to me!



Another option we've done since our #3 has been born is go after he's down for the night. We have two sitters we trust to put him down at night but when they are unavailable, we put him down, wait 20 minutes or so and then leave the big kids our sitters who aren't that comfortable with his age to watch a short video and do the bedtime routine with our 5 and 7 year old.

Even when #3 (he's 18 months now) wasn't sleeping through the night we went to parties from about 7:30 - 10 and that was a nice night for us and we didn't pay for it too much the next day.

When you have young children you really "pay to play" one way or another. Hopefully it's just that you're a bit more tired but throwing off an infant when you're on a good schedule for one party isn't worth it to me -- but that's me.

At that age we'd often just bring pajamas and get the baby all ready for bed and then get them to sleep in the carseat and put them in a quieter room at the party. If it didn't work, we could still leave, but often it'd be bedtime and I'd nurse her and everything would be "normal" so she'd fall asleep at around her usual time. Then the transfer back to bed from the carseat once we got home usually didn't wake her, or it'd be time to nurse again by then anyway.

I guess it mostly depends on your comfort level and how important the party is... people will give you flack no matter what, I've found, so it's really about finding what you feel most comfortable with. For me it WAS important to go out sometimes and I really really didn't want a sitter, so we took the baby everywhere, even by baby #3 when we left the other 2 with a sitter.

Good luck!

Jenn

[Deebs]

When DD#1 was that age, we definitely would have gone. I would have either let her sleep in her carseat, or put her in a front pack and worn her at the party while she slept. If she got fussy, we'd leave. While it's great to have her on a schedule, at 4 months you may be able to get away with having her hang out with you and not being a problem. That phase won't last forever (like when she starts crawling and wants to be down). I would take advantage and get out.

[alison]

Thank you for your replies. This is helpful. I know that all babies are different, and so the thing that makes me a little hesitant to bring her is that she's turned into a poor feeder during the days (and a hearty eater at night with frequent wakings). Bil explained to me how to try to flip that around, but it has made for some loud nights with frequent wakings and binky-shovings. It's going to take some time to get this going, I think.

I bought one of those pod thingys (portable baby bed) for her to sleep in when we go on trips. The difference between trips and going to a dinner is that at some point we've got to transfer her in and out of the car.

The party starts at 7, and she goes down between 7-7:30.

Best case scenario: We could take the pod with us, and ask to sleep there.

Dd sleeps consistently through till 8:30 in the morning (her last nighttime feeding is between 4-4:30). 8:30 people! I don't want to mess up a good thing.

I think we might risk it. It's an important dinner for networking, schmoozing, etc etc .

I've been blessed with pretty easy babies (it's when they talk that we run into problems), so I'd go. To adapt we'd probably just carry or wear the little bugger when it was time to sleep, and then end up with a little extra snuggling before bed at home. I've never (personally) run into an event like this causing a big schedule change .... but I've never banked much on a schedule b/c I was able to be home with the kids and/or every time I *thought* we had a new pattern, they'd change it on me anyway! I gave that up a long time ago!!!

[alison]

I guess I've got to decide whether I want to recreate our routine while we're out, or if we just let that go and have her take catnaps in the Bjorn.

Thanks all!

I am that loser parent that seriously wouldn't mess with my routines! lol
When I did mess with them, it was the same thing - it would come and bite me in the butt.

I am still pretty strict with our bedtimes (and they are super early so this cuts into plans more frequently than not) but sleeping makes me happy. And happy babies and kids makes me happy - so that usually is where my decision making comes from.

Let us know how it goes!

[GrayMatterWife]

Any suggestions?

Hire a sitter.

[alison]

Hire a sitter.

Or that, although I did say that I wasn't willing to leave dd with a sitter.

Either we both go, or we both stay, unfortunately. I'm just trying to determine which is the better option for us (as someone who's inexperienced) and most importantly, if it will seriously mess up the good thing we've got going.

I'll take her and live with the consequences. I would say that 10+ hour flight to Germany that she's got ahead of her (in the near future) will mess her up even more.

I'll take her and live with the consequences. I would say that 10+ hour flight to Germany that she's got ahead of her (in the near future) will mess her up even more.

True true. You can consider this a mini-trail run
Have fun!!

[GrayMatterWife]

Or that, although I did say that I wasn't willing to leave dd with a sitter.

Sorry--I meant that as more of a joke--sort of, "Get a sitter anyway." Even if it's not really what you want to do.

A major mistake I once made was taking my three-month-old to a pool/patio party hosted by a dean from DH's medical school. Disaster. Everything that could go wrong, did. All over this guy's REALLY swanky house. And I ended up leaking and dealing with a leaky baby. Awful. I'd never do it again. My experience was, when people mean, "Kids welcome!" they mean, "Kids who cause no problems, are really cute, and need no disruptive attention are welcome!" The whole thing made a terrible impression--I looked exhausted and frustrated, and then all anyone wanted to talk to me about was Baby Stuff. And the dean looked at me like I was an idiot. For stuff I could not control.