Night waking and separation anxiety

[Michele]

Kai is 1 y. He has been waking every night from about 1:30 or 2:00 am until 3:00 or 3:30 am. Every night. I don't know what to do. He will nurse at first but then just flails. Flops on his back. Flips to his stomach. Sits up. Flops back. Flips over. Kicks a few times. Repeat. I don't know what to do. I thought maybe he was thirsty and my milk was low. So I offered him his cup. That worked for two nights but hasn't for the past 4. I've tried putting him in the other room but that's where the separation anxiety kicks in. He screams! And it escalates. And I can't listen to it.

I do kinda think it's related to the dog bite trauma. Which sucks. It makes me feel even worse. Kai used to be the easy kid. The one who prefered to sleep alone. In his own room. And for me to put him down awake. He wouldn't even nurse to sleep. He used to suck his fingers...the middle two fingers. And he didn't comfort nurse. All of that has changed.

He doesn't suck his fingers. He comfort nurses. And he can only fall asleep at the breast. He's been back in our bed since the trauma. And I can't be out of his sight (unless he's very engaged in movie/eating/playing). Very engaged. He cries when I leave his sight. Dropping him off in the mornings sucks. He cries and cries. And my sitter has said that it's taking him longer to settle with her and that once he's settled it's ok as long as she doesn't leave his sight.

Add in that Daegan's nightmares have started again so he's waking in the middle of the night and coming back to our bed. I'm beat. I don't know what to do.

Russ is getting short tempered because of the crowding in our bed and the lack of sleep. I'm short tempered because of the lack of sleep and feelings of helplessness. I don't want to be this ugly parent that I'm becoming. I snap at the boys during the day because I'm so worn out from the night.

How long should I expect Kai to need to recover emotionally? What can I do to help? Is this even related? Or is it a normal stage that I forgot about Daegan going through? Daegan was (and still is) my cuddler. I could always just hold him or tuck him in next to me and he'd be fine. Kai won't even sit on my lap. Unless I'm holding him and walking him or nursing him, he flails. I can't even just hold him and stand still.

Maybe it's reflux and we just need Zantak. J/K. But it seems to be working for everyone else.


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[ladymoreta]

Sorry, I know that I know nothing about infants and toddlers yet, so just ignore me if this doesn't make sense... Are they picking up on clues about moving? Could there be some anxiety about that? I guess Kai's probably too young to talk to about it (and probably too young to stress about it), but that could be part of Daegan's worries.

Anyway, that was my first thought. Or they're confused/worried about Tui's death. Sometimes kids get confused when a pet is put to sleep, thinking it could happen to them.

I hope things get back to normal soon.

[Urowife]

I suppose it could be related to the bite. Is he doing any other baby things, like teething, new developmental changes, an illness coming on? Nightwaking and general restlessness at night increases for my DD when things like that are happening.

I think one year is prime separation anxiety time, but I can see how it seems like more than that since Kai is usually pretty easygoing. I guess I don't have any advice, but to just hang in there. Hopefully, soon, he's back to normal!

[Michele]

Re: Night waking and separation anxiety

He does have molars coming in and he is probably close to walking...


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[Momo]

Oh Michele, you just can't catch a break these days.
If he's cutting teeth, would you consider giving him Tylenol before bed time? It really helped Adam to stay settled. I used it w/Laith as well; the boys were the only two that were more agitated from teething. ITA w/ his age & seperation anxiety, but I also strongly feel that the bite along w/Tui being gone might be much for him to process. I think that is a valid point about him possibly being concerned that you may disappear too thus compounding the separation anxiety. I would call your pediatrician and see what their insight might be! good luck&big hugs! BTW I'm sure this doesn't do anywonders for your relationship, especially after making such progress. Nothing like to cranky parents and fussy kids.

[Phoebe]

I am sorry for your family's wakefulness at night. I can relate to your lack of sleep and worrying for your children. It takes a toll on the family after awhile. I agree with whoever said that 1 years old is primetime for separation anxiety or perhaps teething. I remember when my kids woke up and they still do that I would lay next to them in their bed or on the floor by the crib so they wouldn't be getting in the habit of coming into our room. Yes, I lose sleep over it.

For our 6 and 3 year old who wake often and think they should play at all hours of the night, I have done sticker charts and also resorted to dollar store prizes. Daegan may be a little young for it, but my three year old loves getting the stickers in the morning after staying in bed all night. However, it hasn't worked lately because she has been pretty sick for the past 10 days. She has come into our room often.

My oldest had night terrors at three years old and it was a phase during a stressful time for her. She eventually grew out of it. She didn't really come in our room, we ended up laying with her in her bed to calm her down. I also gave her a flashlight to use if she was scared and read her some books about being able to change her bad dreams into good dreams. It helped.

[Michele]

Thanks everyone.

I haven't found a good enough "reward" for Daegan yet. We're still searching. We've tried stickers, glow sticks, various foods/treats, TV time, video game time, and toys. And I've tried punishments, time outs, taking away toys, taking away TV/video time. Nothing seems to motivate him. My latest (bad parenting) trick has been shame. It has clicked the most. If he does something wrong, I tell him how disappointed I am in him and then I'll tell my mom in front of him or I'll tell the sitter. He doesn't like others to know he's been bad. As far as the bed, he'll stay in it all night if he doesn't have a nightmare/night terror. Glad to know he may grow out of it! (I had nightmares for YEARS - still do.) Flashlights are a BIG play toy for Daegan. He does have a glow worm though that I encourage him to use when he's scared of the dark.

Kai....Kai...Kai....

Since the accident, he won't take meds. He gags and spits out anything *I* put in his mouth. No spoon feeding any more, no medicine dropper. I tried to give him the Children's Chewable tablets, but no-go. He spits it out. As it was, he only got 4 days of antibiotics instead of the 10. He would throw it up. And he only got 2 d of pain meds.

Well, both boys are asleep now (Its 7:20p)....I'm gonna go to bed and sleep while I can!

[Michele]

Re: Night waking and separation anxiety

Kai was asleep on the living room floor for over 45min. Russ was laying near him reading. I left the room. Kai immediately woke up. The kid must have special mom-dar. Ridiculous!!!!!


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[HouseofWool]

As for night terrors, Caleb went through a long (think eternity - or at least that is how it seemed) stretch of them. Several times a month he would be "up" and inconsolible, crying, shreaking, screaming. He would push us away. It was awful, because he couldn't wake up.

Then they just stopped. I honestly can't remember the last time he had one. Now of course, he has other sleep issues related to anxiety (most likely due to the divorce), but I remember ages 3-4 being particularly trying.