potty training woes

Hi there, I haven't posted in a while, but I thought I'd see if anyone had a similar experience and could share some advice.
So, my DD is 3 1/2 years old and we've been "potty training" for almost a year now. I put that in quotes because active potty training goes in short spurts of a day or two (before miserable failure), and I give it a go maybe once a month. When we try, I put her in underwear, but there are way more accidents than successes and it turns out that both of us are really frustrated and depressed.

I started the process by trying one of those "train your child in 1 day things", in which I think my really sensitive daughter was traumatized that I scolded the doll for having an "accident". Since then, she's been in pull-ups. But in reality, they're just super-expensive diapers.

I've tried stickers, rewards, threatening, forcing her to sit on the toilet (really bad, I know), reading potty books, you name it.
She's now to the point where she's 100% resistant. If I talk about the potty she ignores me and walks away, and any mention of her actually sitting on the potty results a very loud "NO". If I try to make her, that would for sure be a tantrum. But I've stopped forcing things.
She had previously been ok with going pee on the toilet, but it didn't last long. She's never gone #2.

My only ray of hope now is that she asks to watch that free DVD from Pull-ups every day. And I let her.

But I'm still afraid she'll still be in pull-ups when she goes off to college. Anybody btdt who can offer me some hope? Thanks.

[ladymoreta]

Hi! Welcome back! There have been quite a few threads started about potty training that have some great advice. From this page, if you look up at the top menu (that starts with "iMSN Home, User CP, Blogs, etc), there's a menu option called "Search". Just type in "Potty" there, and you'll find a lot of really helpful threads. Some that I see there are "Potty Training 101", "yet another potty training thread", and "Potty training again". There are 11 pages of results, so just look at the thread titles, and you'll find some that are probably what you're looking for. Good luck!

awesome! Thank you!

[Phoebe]

I know you are going to read that other thread, but I wanted to chime in and say we are pretty much in the same boat. My DD is 3 years and 3 months. We are making progress in the last two weeks, but she really isn't interested. My other two daughters were finally potty trained at the same age so I assume it will be soon. Good luck!

I didn't have the pushback from my daughter but I have MANY friends that had a difficult time with the poop training part.

My only idea for you is to actually go back to diapers. Just buy a small pack at the drugstore and also buy some new fun character underwear - whatever she's into - we have Sesame St and Mickey and friends. I'd tell her since she doesn't use the potty she will have to wear diapers like the baby does, but when she is ready to wear big girl underpants we have this super cool ones here to use! Then I'd sit back and follow her lead. I'd continue with some prizes - we did a sticker chart with shiny glittery stickers. She also helped make the chart by gluing scrap paper onto a posterboard so she was part of creating it. For poops I had a reward bag in a closet and I stocked up at the Target dollar spot and got some other cheap used books, a little purse, and other stuff. I'd let her look through it and then told her if she pooped on the potty she could pick a prize. I never yelled but I admit to having some very frustrating moments in the beginning. If she does have an accident I would try to stay calm and just ok, lets go change your pants and try again. If you have to pee please tell mommy! When I felt she was trained and had an accident I approached it that mommy was sad and disappointed. Let's not have another accident, ok? Let's wear the clothes that mom-mom gave her and not have an accident because mom-mom was coming tonight to see her in her new clothes. Things like that.

In the beginning she seriously peed a drop every 20 minutes. Since our bathroom is on the second floor it was an annoying couple of weeks. I got a Bjorn potty to keep in the living room. Also maybe you could try a new potty seat - again a neat one she could pick out with a character on it. She started in May and I'd say she was 'trained' around July but she still has around 3 pee accidents a week. Mostly at school if they are outside playing she won't tell anyone she needs to go in. It's not one of the more fun parts of parenting!

I don't have any personal experience with this and I won't deny that I am terrified of potty training... However, I come from a VERY large family and I thought I would pass along the advice that I often hear my mom passing along to her sisters and patients: "LET IT GO!" She believes that kids will come around and do it in their own time. The more you push it, the worse off you end up.

In fact, my aunt had two of her four tell her that they didn't WANT to be potty trained. Her daughter (her fourth) said, "I'll do it when I'm four!" So she let it go (I'm sure she was too tired with the other three to fight it!). Honest to Pete, on that little girl's fourth birthday, she said, "Okay, I want to wear big girl pants now," and didn't have more than just a couple of accidents in her bed at nap time. I swear to you that I am not telling a lie.

Good luck! Hope you are still on the boards in a couple of years when I am worried about my dd going off to college in diapers!!

[DCJenn]

I finally had to resort to 'whenever' because it didn't matter what I tried, he wasn't interested.

It don't know if it was the pretty pre-school teacher, the fact that my husband got back from Iraq or he was just finally 'ready' but in a two week period all of the trauma and drama was over.

Jenn

[Pollyanna]

She won't go off to college, or even, kindergarten, in her diapers, I can promise you that. I have written this many times so I won't belabor the point but we promised our kiddos things like trips to DISNEYLAND (yes, I was that desperate) and NOTHING worked. They will go when they are ready, and ONLY when they are ready.

Hang in there

[HouseofWool]

She won't go off to college, or even, kindergarten, in her diapers, I can promise you that. I have written this many times so I won't belabor the point but we promised our kiddos things like trips to DISNEYLAND (yes, I was that desperate) and NOTHING worked. They will go when they are ready, and ONLY when they are ready.

Or when dad decides to lend a hand for a day. One. Freakin'. Day. But I'm not bitter. Ask me about training wheels, I'll show you bitter.

[Gwendolyn]

She won't go off to college, or even, kindergarten, in her diapers, I can promise you that. I have written this many times so I won't belabor the point but we promised our kiddos things like trips to DISNEYLAND (yes, I was that desperate) and NOTHING worked. They will go when they are ready, and ONLY when they are ready.

Hang in there

Dito to the hugs and all. I taught 2 1/2-year-olds for a little over a year...all you can do is offer the option and praise, praise, praise the successes. DS #1 didn't until he was almost 4 and then it took a week. (Side note: He was in daycare with a boy who also said he would start going on the potty when he turned 4...sure enough, right on his birthday. DS#2 is showing interest...I so feel your pain!

I struggled for awhile then took a break. Then I tried the three day bare bottom method found at babycenter's website and it worked amazingly well. My friend did it and it worked for her and she gave me tips like buy puppy pads and a couple of portable potties and wow it worked and I tried everything. I guess regular underwear can still feel like a diaper so going bare bottom can help. Also he had a hard time with poo. I had read make it something they can't refuse and we said if you go poo in the potty we go to chucky cheese and it worked, i'm still in shock. I have been to chucky cheese four times this week. Scaling back now. But you do need to modify it to what you think will work with your daughter and one day it will click and get easier.