Tomorrow is the day

Tommorow is the day that I have waited for for such a long time. After our son's surgery (he had a Cranial Vault Reconstruction) he was fitted for and had to wear an orthotic helmet to protect his huge soft spots and to help mold his head from a boat shape into a more normal appearance. Anyways, we last saw his CFS and Neuro back in November and I left the office completely bummed because the CFS wanted him to continue helmet therapy until his next appointment which is TOMORROW! A few weeks ago, ds's orthotist said his head looked great and that he wouldn't be suprised if we were finished soon! Our neuro told us that he didn't see why he even needed it because his skull was very hard now and his soft spots had mostly closed. So I've been so anxious about this appointment! While ds was in the hospital following his surgery, there was another baby in there who had just had the same surgery by the same CFS. I found her on a cranio support website a few days ago, they met with the CFS yesterday and she has to wear it for another 3 months. I so totally hope that we don't hear the same words come out of his mouth tomorrow and I'm willing to put up a fight. He better have some darn good reasoning behind it, especially if the neuro thinks it's pointless! I'm trying to brace myself for the worst while hoping for the best!

I should also add that throughout this entire process, the consults, the 2-3 doctor appointments a month, the surgery and the recovery process (2-3 dr appointments a week) dh has been absent He was there the day of the surgery and drove an hour out of his way every evening to be there with us for a few hours. So he did all he could do. It's just so hard and I'm sure many of you feel the same way, making the transition into medical school.

How do you make it through this without feeling some sort of resentment towards dh? I know he's doing all he can and it hurts him more than me being away from us, but it's still soooooo hard!!!

[DCJenn]

Who says you can't feel resentment? I certainly do! I don't let it fester but COME ON- this lifestyle can suck even the best of us dry at times.

Congrats to you and your son on making it so far in the recovery process though! If the docs disagree about the helmet, ask for a meeting. (they're totally complain about it and say they don't have enough time but push for it anyway!)

Jenn

[ladymoreta]

What Jenn said. Your feelings are completely valid, and I can't imagine any healthy marriage where a spouse *wouldn't* want the other to be there during such a scary process. As long as your hurt and disappointment don't turn into long-term resentment, I'd say you're completely normal. This lifestyle can suck, and it'll get worse before it gets better.

Good luck tomorrow! Praying for you and your sweet little boy!

[L.Jane]

Just wanted to wish you good luck tomorrow and send thoughts of support.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

Sending positive vibes your way for good news tomorrow!

[houseelf]

Thinking of you and your ds. I hope it goes well.

FWIW, from what I have read spousal resentment is a common byproduct of childhood sickness and disease, so your feelings are normal. Just be aware of this and try to compartmentalize it as an unfortunate byproduct of the the sickness or medical school rather than your spouse. I know, I know this is HAARRD to do, but it will be worth it in the long run.

Here's hoping this that all of this will be nothing more than an interesting anecdote soon.

Kelly

[GrayMatterWife]

Good luck! I hope it goes WELL! Thinking positive vibes!

[scrub-jay]

Sending you positive "toss the helmet!" vibes!! I agree with the others, resentment is normal and it is better you feel it than bury it only to have it explode later!

[HouseofWool]

Both Kelly and Jenn are wise women.

The illness of a child can bring out both the best and worst in people - medicine makes it that much more.

As for the appointment, I am hoping you are done with it all for a while. If the docs do disagree, I would push for a meeting of the minds as well. It would be good for them all to be on the same page.

[alison]

I hope everything goes well for you. Will your husband be able to make it to tomorrow's visit?

Welcome, btw!!!

[PrincessFiona]

I will be crossing my fingers for you too. I hope this is it and you can finally move on to the next stage. I knew someone here whose son had an accident and had to wear a helmet for years through multiple surgeries. It was a terrible stress for the parents...and now he is a healthy, happy elementary schooler.

As to the resentment. How can you not feel it at some level. Single parenting while one parent *gets* to work towards the fulfillment of career goals is stressful at the best of times. When things go wrong or there are health issues? It's hard not to call it what it is, even though of course you love your husband and understand at some level that it is what it is right now.

We have 5 children and I remember struggling especially during my husband's fellowship because my oldest child had some issues with anxiety and compulsive/repetitive behaviors. This doesn't rise to the level of what you have gone through, but I remember feeling exhausted, overwhelmed....and just plain sad about everything...and dh (as much as he truly did care and loves his children) just didn't have anything left to give.

Once training was over and the dust settled, he was able to slowly begin taking a more hands-on role...but it was little consolation for the hard times that I went through on my own. The resentment that I feel over that is gone now because we co-parent now. Actually, sometimes he is the better parent lately! =)

I'm so sorry for what you have been going through with your son and I truly hope that tomorrow you can throw that blasted helmet away and move on to enjoy the next stages!

Fingers crossed,

Kris

[Finding Equanimity]

Hope it goes well!! Please keep us updated!

[MarissaNicole]

Good luck tomorrow - and hopefully you'll post the good news!

I hope everything goes well for you. Will your husband be able to make it to tomorrow's visit?

Welcome, btw!!!

Thanks I really wish he could but he has lectures all morning and to top it off we're supposed to get like 3-5 inches of snow tonight! But I refuse to miss these appointments tomorrow!

Thank you all for all of your responses of encouragment. I actually spoke with one of his nurse's earlier today and she said that it was a go! He told her that dh and I were very responsible parents that wouldn't let him as she put it "slam his head on a big pile of rocks!?!" haha. Tomorrow is going to be an awesome day for us, really wish dh could be here, but we will celebrate when he gets home