Stressed to the MAX!

And I really don't even know why. DH is gone from 7am-6pm most days (including weekends), I have a crawling 9 month old who is teething terribly and a potty training 2 year old who has to do everything on her "ownie". I just need to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DH has friday off to study for his 2 exams on Monday. So I asked him if he could keep the kids for an hour that morning before he left to go study, and of course, STUPID STUPID me, he has a study group at 8:00am.

How do you deal with all of this stress? I feel like I'm coming to a breaking point.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

so sorry! is there someplace or someone who can watch the kids for a while??? maybe another med spouse? what about a gym or Y with childcare?? If I lived in WV, I'd watch them for a bit! What about having DH watch the kids Thursday when he gets home and getting out of the house for a bit?

Sorry that I'm not any real help - you have every right to be stressed!

[MarissaNicole]

I'm sorry, you definitely need to get out! Do you have anyone around you who will take them for an hour or so? You need some "me" time for your own sanity! Is there another medical student spouse that would watch them? Or is there someone you can agree to watch their kids if they watch your kids kinda deal?

I'm sorry you're so stressed! I think I would be going out of my mind as well! You need to let off some steam and have a moment alone!

ETA: cross posted with Greyhounds... guess we think alike

Thanks for the responses ladies. DH commutes about 35-40 mins one day to school and most of the other spouses live about 30 mins from here. I feel like such a whiney-butt! I just wanted to go to a yard sale, I'm always in search of some great deals. Guess I'll just suck it up and count the days until summer break. I know it probably sounds terrible, but the entire world does not revolve around him and I think sometimes he thinks it does. I feel like I'm holding my breath just waiting for him to finish up and I really do not want to do this. I want my children to enjoy their childhoods instead of having a mom on the breaking point every single day! UGH. Does it ever get any better? Any ideas of what I can do?

[MarissaNicole]

Thanks for the responses ladies. DH commutes about 35-40 mins one day to school and most of the other spouses live about 30 mins from here. I feel like such a whiney-butt! I just wanted to go to a yard sale, I'm always in search of some great deals. Guess I'll just suck it up and count the days until summer break. I know it probably sounds terrible, but the entire world does not revolve around him and I think sometimes he thinks it does. I feel like I'm holding my breath just waiting for him to finish up and I really do not want to do this. I want my children to enjoy their childhoods instead of having a mom on the breaking point every single day! UGH. Does it ever get any better? Any ideas of what I can do?

Although his schooling and his studying is important, that doesn't mean that he has NO other time. Yes some units will be worse than others but there is no reason he cannot prioritize enough to give you a few hours a week alone to yourself, and a few hours a week together!! I think you need to sit down and discuss this with him because although you do need to be accomodating and understanding that doesn't mean that he doesn't have to be a father or a husband. He may not even realize the stress you are under being a full time parent every minute of every day. I would talk with him. And I also think having him watch the kids for a few hours will make him appreciate all that you do! It is important that you take care of yourself and your needs or you won't be able to take care of your kids and your husband, so do NOT feel guilty about taking that time!

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Although his schooling and his studying is important, that doesn't mean that he has NO other time. Yes some units will be worse than others but there is no reason he cannot prioritize enough to give you a few hours a week alone to yourself, and a few hours a week together!! I think you need to sit down and discuss this with him because although you do need to be accomodating and understanding that doesn't mean that he doesn't have to be a father or a husband. He may not even realize the stress you are under being a full time parent every minute of every day. I would talk with him. And I also think having him watch the kids for a few hours will make him appreciate all that you do! It is important that you take care of yourself and your needs or you won't be able to take care of your kids and your husband, so do NOT feel guilty about taking that time!

This. If you communicate this to him in MS1, your life will be much easier later on. We're only in MS3 but my DH knows that being a doctor does not absolve him of other responsibilities including being a civil human being and a decent husband. Of course you need to be understanding when it's the end of a block or he's got a major test coming up but in between (especially in MS1), he needs to pitch in. He's not going to get MORE time going forward, he's going to get less. Pick a quiet, stress-free time (or as close as you can get, aka, not while you're already in a fight) to discuss this with him.

I do get a few hours of mommy time each week, but I always feel so rushed because it's always after he's come home from a long day. Most of the time when we talk about it, it seems to end in an argument because to him it's just not possible. I guess I just need a place to vent, thanks again girls!

Moms Group!

It sound like you need to find a moms group. I am in a local MOPS group and I cannot tell you how awesome of a resource it is. First of all, most MOPS groups have childcare during the meetings. So, you don't have to worry about your husband being home for you to go. Once you've gotten to know some local mom's, you wil have trusted friends to leave your children with when you just need some time off. Plus, its always great to have a good support system near by.

You can google MOPS and look up local MOPS groups.

If you're totally against a Christian based group, there are always other moms groups. Go to yahoogroups and google mom groups in your area.

Good luck! It is tough being a single mom. I totally understand your frustration.

lacy

[medpedspouse]

Most of the time when we talk about it, it seems to end in an argument because to him it's just not possible. I guess I just need a place to vent, thanks again girls!

FYI - as someone who is post training and works at a medical school (in the ed department)...he will never have as much time as he has during med school (except for some MS3 rotations). Hugs to you - I hope you and your Dh find some balance.

[Phoebe]

FYI - as someone who is post training and works at a medical school (in the ed department)...he will never have as much time as he has during med school (except for some MS3 rotations). Hugs to you - I hope you and your Dh find some balance.

I was going to say the same thing! Most recently DH was studying for a board exam, traveling and taking the exam. Returning home to write a presentation and will be working through the weekend. Whatever it is, it hasn't changed even as an attending. I feel your pain. You shouldn't have to suck it up, but it may be up to you to find ways to find outlets for yourself. You deserve it!

FYI - as someone who is post training and works at a medical school (in the ed department)...he will never have as much time as he has during med school (except for some MS3 rotations). Hugs to you - I hope you and your Dh find some balance.

Seriously. As an M1 he's a student. Just a student. Yes, he's a student in some difficult classes, but he should be able (and willing) to participate in family life.

[JC76]

First off let me say that I feel your pain and you're absolutely right to feel frustrated/burned out/etc. I also have a DH who chronically feels that his stuff takes priority no matter what, no questions asked. Very myopic. My advice - even though this sounds impossible - you need to find a way to get through to him NOW before things get worse. I created a monster while my husband was in med school where I catered to his every need and gradually assumed responsibility for every single aspect of our lives together, no matter how stressful/busy my own life was. Once we hit residency and his schedule got even more demanding it was basically impossible for me to ask for anything from him. I suggest doing the hard work of trying to get through to him now before it gets worse. You have a long road ahead of you with two little ones and you deserve his support.