Extended Nursing & Weaning

[ides]

I was wondering if anyone here has nursed their child past 18 months? Oscar is just over 18 months and I have realized that he is no where ready to fully wean. He's deep in the overly emotional terrible twos and it really makes a difference in him and I find it calms me as well. I really didn't see myself going beyond a year but here we are. I do want to be done by two years. That is my limit. I would like it to be gentle and not traumatic. It is embedded with getting him to sleep as well, so I'm thinking it's going to be tricky unless he just out grows it before 2.

If you did nurse beyond 18 months did you nurse in public? When did your child wean? Was it child led or parent directed? Did it happen suddenly or slowly one nursing at a time? Did you also co-sleep? If so, do you think it made a difference one way or another?

thx

[Ravenclaw]

No advice as I"m in the same boat almost (with a 14 month old) but will be watching this for responses!

[moonlight]

May I ask how often he is nursed per day? I have a really good friend from years ago that did this and I wish I had asked her more about it now.

[Malpka]

I nursed my oldest (DS) until right after he turned three. My older girls I nursed until 18 months, but they weaned themselves when my milk dropped due to the next pregnancy.

I weaned DS by slowly putting more and more limits on when and how long we could nurse. After 2, it was only at home. At the end- I would tell him he could only nurse for the count of 5

[Michele]

Re: Extended Nursing & Weaning

I nursed Daegan to about 2 1/2. Kai is still nursing at 15 months.

With Daegan I nightweaned when he was almost 2 bc I was pregnant and needed my sleep!! I told him he could nurse when the sun came up. Worked for him. From there I stopped nursing in public. So I'd try to distract him and tell him we'd nurse when we got home. After Kai was born he weaned on his own by being distracted.

My advice would be to cut out one nursing session per day for a week. Then try to cut out another. If he gets the concept of "wait" then use distraction and say wait til we get home or something. But DON'T forget. He'll lose the 'trust' and likely increase his nursing to make up for it.


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[ides]

Thanks for the replys.

He nurses once either mid morning or mid afternoon (basically when he has a meltdown and can't recover). Then it's nap time, bedtime and middle of the night (about twice). At 15 months we were down to just nap time, bed time and middle of the night. I had been doing the "don't offer, don't refuse" method but then he got sick and was off and on sick for a couple months. During this period he started to nurse more frequently and wasn't eating solids so I let him nurse as much as he needed. Since then we can't seem to get back to those times. I figured I'm going to play it by ear for a month or two and then reevaluate. I would love to drop the night nursing sessions but he won't accept any other type of comfort in those wee hours.

Jack also went through periods of nursing more frequently in the second year, due to illness or developmental challenges. Hopefully the need to nurse post tantrum will decrease as Oscar's communication improves. At least that is what happened here.
Jack turned 2 last month and I just nightweaned him a couple of weeks ago. It was surprisingly easy. We continue to co-sleep for now, so I wear several layers of clothing to make sure I don't nurse him in my sleep! The first couple of nights I told him that mama was sleeping and he could nurse when it was light outside. Then I noticed that he wasn't actually pushing to nurse in the morning so since then I have just been saying that he can hug but not nurse if he wakes up. And he is accepting it! The last few nights he has slept all night; this is pretty remarkable for a child that has been waking several times a night since birth!!!!
I still nurse him to sleep and will probably leave it a while before I work on that one (quite honestly I am clueless about how else to get him to lie down!). I am such a softie and was hoping to get pregnant again so that I could wean as my milk dried up, but it appears that I am one of the few that actually needs to wean to get pregnant
A word of warning that it might be tough to give yourself a deadline if you want to wean gently. I had tried nightweaning several times before but always gave up after a few nights of sleeplessness. This time I think he was just ready. A friend recently attempted nightweaning her 18 month old, telling him that he could nurse in the morning, and found that he just increased his daytime nursing instead!! So be prepared for setbacks and try again in a couple months if you don't have success soon

[v-girl]

I weaned Kenny at about 19 or 20 months. At 14 months, we put up a crib in our study and I would nurse him to sleep, then put him in the crib. It took a while to get him to sleep through the night in there, but that is how I got the night feedings to end. At 18 months I stopped nursing in public. Just at home or at my mom's. By then he was only nursing in the morning and at naptime. I would nurse him at those times when he wanted. If he skipped a feeding, I'd give him a sippy of milk. We weaned him to goat's milk since he wouldn't drink cow's milk. Then gradually got him to switch to 2% milk just like his sisters -- I'm all about convenience and wanted everyone on the same milk. LOL

[ides]

Lamorna - our situations sound similar. Though I'm not planning on having another child I too will not start ovulating util O is fully weaned. It's been lovely the past 2+ years not having a period, but it would also be nice to be regular. O has never slept through a night either. Ugh. 18+ months of sleeplessness is painful. I too am not sure how to get O to lie down for sleep without the boob. If you have a trick that works eventually (since you'll probably be done before me) please pass it on!

Realistically I think I should not set a deadline either. I will admit that Im a bit affraid of having a nursing talker so it 'feels' better to have a -I'm really in control deadline-. Guess we'll just have to see how things go the next couple months.

Thanks for all the input everyone.

[ides]

Thought I'd post an update. We are finally weaning. It's not how I hoped. I had been trying for 8 months to slowly and gently wean but over the last few months we have actually gone backwards in terms of progress. The more I tried to restrict the breast the more he wanted it and the more he coveted it. I tried to stay consistent but it wasn't working. Finally last week after an hour and a half meltdown over refusing him the breast at wake up I decided we would go cold turkey right then and just ride it out. It was a rough day/night and he's needier but we are making it. He still asks for it a bit and gets miffed when I say no but no tantrum. He is clingier and a bit moodier but we are managing. I really didn't want to make it hard for him but this seemed like the only way for us. I'm MUCH happier not nursing and there is no uncertainty about it for him either. The best thing is that he's eating a lot more. He almost never ate and I worried but now without the breastmilk he's eating at each meal! Whoohoo!!

[SuzySunshine]

A stressed mommy is not helpful so if he's thriving and you're happy you made the right decision for you. BIG hugs!

[Urowife]

May I ask - how do you get him to sleep now? We are down to naptime, bedtime, a couple of times overnight, and then usually once at wakeup. Sometimes, DD doesn't fall asleep nursing, so I just lie with her while she rolls around and chats until she falls asleep. So, I know she can fall asleep without nursing. But, since nursing is part of the routine, I don't think she would take it very well if I refused to nurse her at bedtime. I'm also super afraid that she will stop taking a nap if she doesn't nurse to sleep. I need that break!

[ides]

Well I'm letting the nap drop so he's extra tired at bedtime and we don't have to deal with wanting to nurse. I really miss that break but it's worth it for me. I actually couldn't get him to go to bed without nursing though he can fall asleep without it. Now I just lay with him. He asks, I say -no, we don't do that anymore. - He fusses a little. I fetch him his favorite toys, offer him water (we keep a cup near by). Then he snuggles a bit, holds his toys & plays with my hair till he falls asleep. If he really protests I sing for a bit & that quiets him. The first night there was a lot of crying.

[Momo]

" He almost never ate and I worried but now without the breast-milk he's eating at each meal! Whoohoo!!"

That's great! Good for you you two! He'll be fine and as you said you are Much happier!!! He will pick up on this & it will impact him positively as well!

[MrsK]

Wow! I cannot believe you nursed so long. Way to go momma. He'll adapt. I had to wean BabyK more quickly than I intended because of my pregnancy. I offered to nurse after we'd stopped a few days and he looked at me like I was nuts. He's still fondling me when he needs comfort but he doesn't ask to nurse any more.