Baby #2

[alison]

What tips/tipped you in that direction? It seems like it's on my mind a lot these days, since dd's growing up so fast, and the hard parts of raising dd thus far are fading a bit.

ETA: Also, it took close to a year to conceive. Does that mean it'll be the same for #2? Or that the likelihood is greater? Or are no two pregnancies alike...?

[Michele]

Re: Baby #2

I would say no two pregnancies are alike so I wouldn't count on it taking another year to concieve. It might but it might not.

We had always talked about 2 kids. So thr decision to have Kai was just dependent on when i emotionally got over the whole NICU bit. For #3, we just decided we wanted more children. Maybe because Kai was such an easy fun baby? We both just wanted at least another little one running around disrupting our lives.


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[Tenacious_D]

As far as tips...I have none yet but with E it took about 8 months and it was either the 1st round of Clomid or the fact that we were on vacation that sealed the deal (finally being relaxed) but with this pregnancy, we said let's try again next month and by next month we were pregnant. I feel like the body can be completely unpredictable.

[Ladybug]

My guess will be that you'll conceive pretty quickly. You never know, but your body is in the reproductive groove now and most people I know that have struggled with the first conception have been surprised at how quickly they conceived the second time.

I usually started thinking about another baby when the youngest of the family started becoming more independent around 18 months. I'd even start getting a little bored, believe it our not. Around 18 months I could start to imagine layering the needs of another baby. I had the time and energy again. I had caught my breath essentially, caught up on sleep and I knew that it would be another year-ish until the baby would arrive so the sib would be 2.5+ years. Having another baby really does kick the older sib out of the nest so you want to make sure they're ready for that. I'm a little nervous about having these two only 20 months apart. DD3 is still a baby in so many ways. It's going to be difficult for her to have me so busy with a new baby. She'll adjust and we'll be fine, but I know it's going to more challenging in a lot of ways.

[SuzySunshine]

My guess will be that you'll conceive pretty quickly. You never know, but your body is in the reproductive groove now and most people I know that have struggled with the first conception have been surprised at how quickly they conceived the second time.

This was us so R was about 6 months earlier then expected. They are 22 months apart but I wish they were a little more.

[alison]

Thanks, ladies. It's going to sound super immature, but I watch dd and wish she had a little playmate. She's really outgoing with adults, but when I take her to playgroups, she pretty much wants to bury her head in my shirt for the first 30 minutes. And then, she'll get a little more comfortable, and actually sit on my lap and face everyone. And finally, just as people are getting ready to go she *might* crawl a little. She's sort of scared of the bigger kids poking at her and crawling over her (it happens when the all the babies are let loose from their parents). We go to a 6-12 month baby group, and she's one of the smaller ones, and I'm pretty sure she's a little intimidated by the bigger and louder babies.

We're also looking into getting a bigger (second) car, so a second child is on my mind in terms of what makes sense for us to drive.

Now I'm rambling.

I'm definitely worried about the fact that it took so long to conceive this one, but I guess it's the same consideration for everyone who tries to control spacing the kids just so.

[Vanquisher]

It's her age. Stranger anxiety may be coming in full force. Take this for what it is worth, as my kids are 6 years apart, but a sibling won't be an immediate playmate for M. Obviously, there is the whole pregnancy and newborn stages, but it may be even longer than that. At M's age, I don't think most babies really play with other babies. They may parallel play, but not really interact with each other.

I would think hard about the kind of space YOU want for your kids and not what you think they will want with each other. I am in love with my 6 year gap. It isn't for everyone, but it is perfect for me. And, all you can do is try when you are ready. It may be right away or may take a while.

FWIW, it took me 8 months to conceive my first with fertility treatments, and 2 months with my second without fertility treatments involved. YMMV.

[alison]

You're right on about the age gap. I'm almost 8 years older than my brother, and it's great. I'm 32, and with the issues I had TTC with the first one, I'd rather wait on the shorter end of a large gap, if that makes any sense. Of course, I do sort of want to get this all over with and know what it's like to get. some. sleep.

[SuzySunshine]

Heidi is right in that they won't play with each other for quite a while. A will be 2 1/2 at the end of the month and she's just starting to play WITH kids. She'd play around them and interact a little bit but has just started playing WITH kids. Even though the first 4 months or so were rough with our spacing A is just now starting to interact with R and vice versa. Its pretty cute.

[migirl]

We just always knew we wanted more than one child, and decided to have them fairly close together in age (~2 years apart) for a few reasons: (1) we were already in the no-sleep/diaper-changing mode, we figured we might as well keep it going!, (2) we wanted them to be close in age so they would play together, DS#2 is just over 2yo and he and DS#1 play together all the time ... it's awesome , and (3) we wanted to still be fairly young when our youngest leaves the house.

[peggyfromwastate]

do you have any idea as to how many kids you want in total? If you think you may want a few more, I'd say get on it. but if you only want one more or maybe 2, that might tilt me over to the relax and enjoy having just one kid while you can...

I have spacing of 5.5 yrs, then almost 3 yrs, then almost 4 yrs. I like having the kids spaced out a little bit. It is beyond crazy now though, with old kid activiites plus a baby-- the poor baby gets dragged to soccer games and everything else on the weekend-- but I still like the spacing. I felt like it gave me some room to breathe...

And as far as the baby socializing... J still doesn't leave me. she hasn't been in any childcare ever, because when she notices we are out of sight, she screams and throws a serious fit. The longest she's lasted is maybe 10 minutes. And her interaction with other kids consists of her trying to give them her pacifier. Or else poking them to see what they'll do... And she's pushing 2!!

[HouseofWool]

I have to say that I like the 6 year gap that we have as well. C is fantastic as a big brother. When I was pregnant, I worked really hard on getting him to do more independently. Things like brushing his teeth, putting dirty clothes away etc. Nothing huge, but stuff that can easily get overwhelming with a newborn around. That way, the tasks were already ingrained and it wasn't as if I was pushing him away to focus on the baby. I also truly appreciated the fact that he could help. Really help. Not make dinner or do laundry obviously, but he could easily fetch a burp rag when she was little. Now that S is 16 months, she loves to play on my parents' porch. It has railing all around and we put a baby gate in the entrance. He can sit and read a book outside with her while I make dinner or switch laundry around.

I had hoped to have another fairly quickly so that S would have another her age, but those plans fell through. I struggle though because I wasn't quite ready to be done and as a result of everything, it looks as if I am. 36, single with no prospects does not bode well for conception...

[alison]

I think we want 2. I'd love to have another girl, so that we can get some more use out of the clothes that dd has. I swear, there are things she outgrows while they're sitting in the hamper waiting to be washed!

It'll take some convincing, because I think dd really made dh rearrange his priorities and put on the big boy Underoos.

The idea of being outnumbered scares me. I do like the idea of dd taking on some responsibilities, even if it's just keeping an eye on a little one, and yelling out when something isn't right.

How do you know when you're done....? It seems like such a bittersweet thing.

[DCJenn]

Nothing on this earth could have compelled us to move to #2. We actually talked about what a flippin' disaster it would be if the old wives tale of conception after adoption ever took place. In fact, despite my diagnosis of completely blocked fallopian tubes, and one questionable swimmer test (of the two) my husband momentarily considered a vasectomy! So, to answer your last question, we negotiated while we were dating to get to #1. The spouse would have been perfectly happy with zero. We were done while we were starting. It's liberating, in fact. We hit a stage, we move through it, we're done. Feeding himself- check, potty training (god, I couldn't do that more than once)- check, kindergarten-check. We probably spend more time with him because it's just him but we have lots of friends in the 'hood who also have one kiddo so all of the singletons hang out together. The only child is a whole different ball of wax though- they have their own issues.

Jenn

[GrayMatterWife]

What tips/tipped you in that direction?

We matured. Honestly. I was a total control freak in my 20s. I could not imagine anything worse than getting saddled with a unplanned child while I was going through law school then paying off the debt. I could not imagine how I could have handled it all, and I didn't want to be broke, either.

Then, we had DS when I was 30, and I grew up. I realized that all that crap and organization and control that I thought was so important before is not all that important. I realized that I could have had a child while in law school or in practice. It wouldn't have been easy, and it wouldn't have been the same, and I probably wouldn't have been as successful in my career, but I also realized that having everything EXACTLY the way I wanted it, in the order I imagined it, was not all that important. I realized that I was willing to sacrifice perfection for parenting.

And, there was another factor, too. Some woman in England got pregnant and she and her husband decided to abort for the SOLE reason that they could not bring another person into this world and use up more resources and create a bigger carbon footprint. The news article literally made me queasy. So I got pregnant just out of complete disgust for her idiocy. Now I am on a mission to populate the planet out of spite. (kidding.)