How do you kick the screaming habit?

[Finding Equanimity]

My daughter is 15 months, so I know it's typical for toddlers this age to have meltdowns and fits. My daughter, however, KNOWS that screaming gets to me and does it on purpose. I can tell the difference between her meltdowns and her purposeful screaming sessions. I definitely discipline her (time outs, tell her no, ignore her until she has calmed down) but nothing really seems to work on the screaming front.

She's definitely a high maintenance kid, but she does generally like being good and responds really well to positive reinforcement. I am just tired of the ear-popping screams. Any suggestions? Maybe I should do time outs in her room rather than the living room corner? Half the time I think she just works herself up too much after the initial scream.

Thanks for any advice!

[diggitydot]

Uh, yeah -- hopefully time outs behind a closed door or in another part of the house will cut off whatever she's getting out of screaming at you.

[ides]

ear plugs?

[Tenacious_D]

This may sound mean but when E starts his tantrums at home, I go about what I am doing and ignore it. I'll offer eater, snack etc to see if he needs something and if it continues, I go into lalalala hum hum hum mode. If we are out, I finish what I am doing and we leave. I hope it passes soon though.

[Michele]

I read the title and thought you meant screaming by the parent....I was all "ooh ooh I need that advice!". I have zero advice on child screaming though because mine learn it from too early. Oops!

I would come from the angle of either 1) trying to prevent it happening in the first place (does something trigger the screaming?) OR 2) trying hard not to react yourself so that it does not escalate.

With my son separation (time outs) would just cause him to freak out even more so we do not do them. But, I have recently had some success with option 2 as a way to stop him throwing food. We are still not completely there but I do know that the more I get mad the more he does it!!

She is so young I'm sure it's a phase that will not last long.

[SuzySunshine]

When A was that age if she was at a position where she could not hurt herself I just walked away and let her throw her fit if we were at home. If it was something else like throwing food then without saying a word I would get up and clear her place yet make her sit there until everyone else was done. No reaction was really the best way to go with her. That is a lot harder to do now that little brother bugs her or laughs at her but it worked when we only had one.

Ignore it. The more reaction they get from you, the more they'll do it.

[peggyfromwastate]

15 month old may not be doing it to get to you. But if they get a huge reaction from you when they do the screaming, they'll learn...

I listened to my 2 year old (26 months) scream for about 1 hour today. When she started in on her tantrum (I think it started when I set her down because I was trying to type on the keyboard and she kept hitting the keyboard), I just let her go. I do move her over to a corner and place her where she's on a rug, but besides that, I go about my day. I did a whole load of dishes (unloaded and reloaded) and cleaned up the breakfast stuff and finished my email and did half the bills. Finally she walked up to me quietly and that was that.

I definitely don't have the time or patience to deconstruct with a toddler what triggered the screaming or whatever. I know it's hard to ignore sometimes especially when you just want them to knock it off...

[Pollyanna]

Yep, I'm in the ignore it camp. Step over the screaming child on the floor and go about your day. I know it sounds cold but it works. If the tantrum happens in public I just pick up said child and head to the car. No talking beyond, "this behavior is simply unacceptable" said in a very calm and matter of fact manner. They will catch on.

[DCJenn]

Yep to the ignoring. and seriously, all it took was one very public removal from the Italian restaurant (via football carry) and he's never done it again.

Now I start laughing when he gets really bad which is really rude but come ON- it's funny!

Jenn

[GrayMatterWife]

Ignore It Camp. But, that being said, my kids have never had a melt-down like that in public. If they did, I am pretty sure that I would immediately remove them. I hate when people let their screaming psycho kids disturb my meal or shopping.

My husband does one better: he laughs at them (he and DCJenn have a lot in common...). I mean, REALLY laughs. The more they cry, the harder he laughs. He eggs them on, "No, no! Don't stop! Cry some more! This is better than the movies! Can you add some dramatic arm gestures? AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" They feel so mad and belittled that they stop crying and go stalking off to the bedroom.

[peggyfromwastate]

For ds6 when he starts crying and whining I pull out my iPhone to take a video. DS hates that because he has had to watch his tantrums before and he sees how ridiculous he looks. It makes him mad so that he stomps off to continue his fit in the privacy of his own room. Mission accomplished.

[HouseofWool]

I am in the ignore it camp as well. Sophie is a drama queen and will move around so that her tantrum is right in front of you. If it gets really bad, I put her in her crib. Either she settles down or she falls asleep - a win either way for me!

[houseelf]

My 16 month old screams more than my last two because he can't articulate his needs. (See recent post on "toddler language development"). ITA with the ignoring advice, but I also feel like signing helps kids feel understood more.