Potty question - about to pull my hair out!

[SuzySunshine]

HELP! A has been potty trained since late August but still wears a pull-up at night. At least once/day for the last two weeks or so she has gone in her pants - its a control thing. Sometimes I can tell she needs to go, sometimes she just does it and doesn't even tell me, other times she stands right in front of me says she has to go and goes in her pants.

I'm at a loss - I've tried not getting mad, I've tried getting mad, I've tried time outs, I've tried changing her with no reaction. I have no idea what to do.

Anyone??

[Thirteen]

Does she enjoy her big girl underwear? You could always use it as a bargaining chip (if she's old enough to understand) and let her know that big girl underwear is a privilege. Possibly revert back to diapers and make the connection that it is a choice she is making, with direct consequences?
...If this is some sort of child abuse, let me know. I do not have children yet, but I'm just brainstorming. In my mind, if it's about control, you can remove a privilege and therefore regain control (??) I'm sorry if I am no help at all.

[SuzySunshine]

I've actually threatened the diapers once and she chose the diapers so we're not trying that again But you're right, most kids would chose the panties - its a control thing, I know it is, I just don't know what to do about it.

[Pollyanna]

Wearing the panties may be stressing her out. Just because she can be dry most of the day does not mean she won't have accidents. Don't worry about the nighttime, our kiddos wore diapers at night for a long time after they trained. Hang in there, she will get it.

[Michele]

The diaper threat worked on D. He didn't want to be wearing them bc K did and it was "for babies."

Could she be reacting to the house stress? Aren't you guys packing? I wouldn't have thought our move would've affected D bc he was so young (turned 4 in Aug) but it did.

Right before P was born he emptied a full bladder in my car no more than 10 minutes after refusing/denying the need to go in the mall bathroom. I will not let him in my car in underwear now. He wears a pull up to leave the house and at night. But he hasn't had more than a little leak accident since. I'm thinking I probably should trust him soon (it's been 4 months), but I don't even want to think about cleaning up pee in my new minivan.

[SuzySunshine]

I'm not worried about the night I just threw that in there in case anyone thought it had any bearing on anything.

We did do some packing up of some things, but very little of it was hers.

I guess I'm just surprised that after 4+ months that this has cropped up.

[Deebs]

With DD we had setbacks for probably over a year. I would talk to her about how proud I was for her being a big girl and going potty on the toilet. I would also go back to a reward system of a sticker chart. When the chart was full (for a couple of days I'd do 1 day, then 1 week) there would be a reward related to being a big girl. For one day I'd do something like paint our nails together or do a project with her. If it was a week, she could choose a date with me or Daddy (if he was available). It seemed to work pretty well, but was incredibly frustrating.

[L.Jane]

I see you said you are pretty sure its a control thing. Have you double checked to make sure its not a UTI? I had a little girl at school whose mom said she was just regressing, when in fact, she had a UTI, but wasn't having the normal symptoms of pain.

If this is just reacting to the world and anger, I am sorry and hope it passes soon!

[SuzySunshine]

I've asked her many times if it hurts when she pees and she does have a runny nose/cold but I really don't think she a UTI. I'm working on my response to her accidents and hopefully that will help. Thanks guys!

[scrub-jay]

I've asked her many times if it hurts when she pees and she does have a runny nose/cold but I really don't think she a UTI. I'm working on my response to her accidents and hopefully that will help. Thanks guys!

I think I've read that often it doesn't hurt when they pee (for little girls). Might be worth asking the ped anyway.

[PrincessFiona]

Cheri,

I second the UTI thing, but does it make you feel better to know that when Zoe regressed a little she peed on our sofa and we had to get rid of it?

Hang in there!

Kris

[BonBon]

I will be no help, but perhaps this will make you feel better. My 4.5 yr olds are back in diapers. Last week, they both pooped at school. After school we went to the library. There for 10 minutes, C peed and A pooped so bad I had to throw away her underwear and turn her pants inside out so we could leave. And the bathroom was RIGHT THERE. They think it's hilarious. C trained 18 months ago and had no accidents til A trained last summer. Now it's like a game. Tried everything - literally everything. Screw it. I'm done. Diapers it is. C has had several UTIs, and we test her fairly frequently (home kits) because she does still poop and sit in it. (That's so gross, how can it NOT bother them?!?)

UGH. Like I said, I'm no help. Hang in there. I put them in dipes because after 5-6 months of this I was done. It was affecting my relationship with them.

[Pollyanna]

I will be no help, but perhaps this will make you feel better. My 4.5 yr olds are back in diapers. Last week, they both pooped at school. After school we went to the library. There for 10 minutes, C peed and A pooped so bad I had to throw away her underwear and turn her pants inside out so we could leave. And the bathroom was RIGHT THERE. They think it's hilarious. C trained 18 months ago and had no accidents til A trained last summer. Now it's like a game. Tried everything - literally everything. Screw it. I'm done. Diapers it is. C has had several UTIs, and we test her fairly frequently (home kits) because she does still poop and sit in it. (That's so gross, how can it NOT bother them?!?)

UGH. Like I said, I'm no help. Hang in there. I put them in dipes because after 5-6 months of this I was done. It was affecting my relationship with them.

Oh yes, we had kiddos that could sit in their own poop for hours and not care one bit. I am happy to report that they are now in school and no longer in diapers. If she keeps on with the accidents there is nothing wrong with going back to diapers. Of course our youngest potty trained child was 3.5 so I may not be the best person to ask.

[PrincessFiona]

Lol. I love these stories. They remind me that I'm not alone with these struggles.

Kris

[Vishenka69]

You guys are seriously scaring me, I thought I only had another year or so to deal with diapers.

Sorry to highjack but is DD's dislike of poopy diapers now any indication of desire to potty train later on?