Tell me you've lived through this

DS. We have survived the "NO" phase and now he has moved into the "completely ignoring me" phase. Although I am not sure if it is a typical "phase" or him acting out as a reaction to the baby?

It's so rough. We are not over the top with rules at home but he is constantly doing the few things he isn't supposed to be doing - like throwing his food on the floor or playing in the sink (flooding the bathroom).

The worst part is that he has started running away when we are out. He has always been so great about holding my hand and staying close but he will pull away now and just take off. He has a bruise on his arm where I had to hold on to him REALLY hard at the mall last week. His alternative is lying down in the middle of the street / store etc. No just walking nicely any more. He won't go in a stroller or shopping cart. I'm at a loss what to do. It's becoming impossible to go to the store. I'm nervous about taking him to the park without a friend to help. I always have DD strapped to me so it is really hard to run after him and/or peel him off the floor. And he just COMPLETELY ignores me.

I would rather potty train a dozen kids than go through one more day of this.

Advice/BTDT stories much appreciated.

[SuzySunshine]

When its things he does at home just remove him from the situation. Turn the water off and shut the door, take the food away even if he hasn't eaten anything. Its the only thing that worked with both of mine.

As for the store are you comfortable walking away from him but not entirely? Like if A walks away from me at the grocery store I say we're heading to whatever and then I walk to the end of the aisle and turn the corner. I can still see her but she can't see me and after a few seconds she follows me she's afraid I will leave her.

BIG hugs, its a hard stage!

[Michele]

What about wearing him, and pushing the baby in the stroller or cart? We used to wear D but let K sit in the shopping cart bc he was better behaved than D.

Hugs. It is really frustrating.

[Pollyanna]

Hang in there. It is a stage and it will get better. Dd2 used to run away at the school and she also used to throw herself down in the middle of the parent pickup cross walk and have a tantrum. That was fun . My rule has always been, "if you won't hold my hand then I will carry you or you will be strapped in the stroller". It's very simple and direct and usually only takes a short while before they realize that it is just easier to hold mom's hand. Good luck .

[v-girl]

I have three kids. I should be able to offer advice. But yet there were four of us trying to keep one almost-4-year old from running away in Hobby Lobby. That was fun.

I have resorted to bribing the kid every time we go to the store.

[diggitydot]

It depends on the kid. When the girls did this (only once or twice each) they leanred very quickly that mom doesn't play that game. Life becomes very unpleasant when my kids behave like heathens in public. DS was a different story. Little dude has a language delay so communicating that he was tired/hungry/bored/etc. wasn't an option. He wasn't necessarily allowed to get away with it, but we were VERY careful to work within his limits and identify the difference between "I'm being a shit because I can" and I'm being a shit because I'm unable to do this".

Kids are turds sometimes. They're cute so we don't kill them.

[v-girl]

We're dealing with a language delay as well (and what I think are some sensory issues). My dude isn't even potty trained.

[spotty_dog]

The only thing that got me through the first half of the threes was Luanne's assurance that the threes are simply MEANT to be more trying than the terrible twos. And the Fing Fours? Let's not talk about them. (E is doing pretty well these days fortunately.) Hang in there! Consider a baby backpack/leash for the interim? He's an active one I know! Restraining him for safety might be a really wise move, I dunno. *big hugs*

[Ravenclaw]

I could have written your post! I get so anxious going anywhere with my 26 month old. By the time I get her home safely, I feel relieved and exhausted. She just started refusing to sit in the cart. At the grocery store, I keep talking to her, point out things, hand her her snacks and water while I shop. I feel like I have to constantly entertain her. She's a very social kid and always wants someone to play with and that someone is usually me. I can barely concentrate on what I need to get, which means I usually forget something or bring home something I normally wouldn't, i.e.brown rice to add to the 10lbs of it that I already have instead of the brown basmati rice that I specifically went to the Indian store for! At places with toys, like Target and Walmart, I pick up a toy from the toy section to distract her. Now she's gotten spoiled with that and will ask for something new within 20 seconds of playing with it. UGH!

Her and parking lots make my heart stop. She just darts out. I keep a tight grip on her but when we get to the car, I need to open the door and I usually have things in one hand, so I need to let her hand go for a few seconds. I get so worried she'll run away from me. If we're somewhere fun for her (i.e. library) and need to leave, she just runs away from me so she can keep playing. I've tried telling her I'm leaving and hiding in the corner but that little stinker just runs back to whatever she was doing. Once another mom saw what was going on and kept telling my DD something probably "your mommy's leaving" (I could see her but couldn't hear). DD runs back really quickly to me, says "Bye bye mommy!" and runs back to playing. I got her one of those backpack leash things which I thought were horrible before I was a mom, but now make total sense to me! It helps in that we're always attached but really she just ends up leading me around to wherever she wants to go.

I wish I had some great advice, but all I have is commiseration! I hope it gets better for both of us.

Thanks for the commiseration. It's funny but I never even thought about wearing him Michele. Although I really don't think he would let me any more; it's been 6 months or more since he was on my back. And DD is a super mellow baby compared to how he was, but she still isn't one to just chill in the car seat so I have to wear her. And both of them - that is for super moms It would be close to 50 pounds of kid in my case.

Ravenclaw - Yep, everything you said! There is one store that he loves because they have these cute little shopping carts that he can push, but I have to give him every ounce of my attention so that he doesn't ram into someone's legs or a display of wine bottles, so I can't concentrate on what I need to get!!

He has shown no concern about me leaving without him. We were at a gardens last week and he ran way out of my sight several times.

I need to get one of those backpack things at least to use around cars or in crowded places.

This too shall pass!

Yes, the backpack things are great! We have a puppy and a monkey here, LOL. I always see people get high-and-mighty about them on message boards, but when we used ours in public, I think every comment I ever got was positive and several where, "Where can I get one of those?!?!" (Target and Wal-Mart, BTW)

In the meantime, he may not fit in the baby seat of the cart, but he'll fit in the basket. I had one that liked to sprint away in our huge Super-Walmart. So, I started just lifting him into the basket every time he did that. We'd have a talk before going into the store about how his choice was to walk nicely with me or to ride in the cart. When he ran away, I calmly lifted him, deposited him in the cart, and continued my shopping, whilst ignoring his angry wails and the stares from other shoppers. It only took a few times before he figured out that it was in his interest to stay with me.

And yeah, some of this is just age 3 and it will go away with time. I've lived through it. Twice. About to live through it again. I hope

[Thirteen]

No advice Kirsty, just hugs and sympathy! Hopefully J outgrows this phase soon

[HouseofWool]

It sucks. I've no advice because C was such an easy kid. S, on the other hand, makes me want to weep.

[moonlight]

It depends on the kid. When the girls did this (only once or twice each) they leanred very quickly that mom doesn't play that game. Life becomes very unpleasant when my kids behave like heathens in public. DS was a different story. Little dude has a language delay so communicating that he was tired/hungry/bored/etc. wasn't an option. He wasn't necessarily allowed to get away with it, but we were VERY careful to work within his limits and identify the difference between "I'm being a shit because I can" and I'm being a shit because I'm unable to do this".

Kids are turds sometimes. They're cute so we don't kill them.

I'm basically at this point right now. DD is about to turn 3yrs old and its been extremely difficult to take her out in public for the past 3 months. Its not getting any better and I was crying in the car today on the way home from an outing.

I'm a SAHM that works four part time shifts per week. I have to take her with me to get things done on my days off work. It seems like her problem is transitioning from current location to next location. She has a speech delay and also can't or won't communicate with me as to why she doesn't want to leave or why she wants to lay in the floor at places in public.

She doesn't scream unless her frustration level is maxed out. That happens maybe 10% of the time, but its increasing. She will ignore me when its time to leave. When I go over to put on her shoes she will lay on the floor and start kicking. Then she doesn't want to walk into the store; lays on the ground. While we are in the store she will lay on the floor. I don't know what she wants! She goes limp when I try to pick her up and sometimes laughs, normally no screaming. She warms up to being in the store quickly but then she won't want to leave the store, lays on the floor. Next errand she doesn't want to go in, lays on ground or fights to stay IN her car seat. Gets in the place, walks around for a bit then lays on the floor again. Then will throw a fit because (we think?) she doesn't want to leave when its time to go. I almost always have to pick her up and carry her out of the store. She weights 43lbs. At the first place today I hit my head really hard getting her into the car. Last place she accidentally headbutted the side of my neck- it really Fing hurt.

I've had it. I really have. I'm in tears and frustrated beyond anything I've dealt with thus far other than when she in the hospital. Too bad there isn't a pill for this.

[diggitydot]

I'm so sorry, hon. Language disorders make it much more difficult because at an age when verbal communication is appropriate to deal with emotional development, they can't work through it and you can't help walk them through it as easily, either.

Is it possible to begin a transition standard operating procedure? How does she respond to changes if she's distracted? Would she be willing to go to the next place if she knew that there was something fun waiting there for her or a small reward like stickers or Lego pieces?