Funerals and 3 year olds

[SuzySunshine]

DH's grandmother passed away last week and her services are Saturday. A has a photo of this grandmother is in her room because she is named after her and she knows it is her great Grandmother and that she lives in Kansas.

So the kids and I were already going to Kansas for Spring Break, we were supposed to leave Thursday. Now we are leaving Friday, DH is driving down with us and the services are Saturday. The kids and I will stay in Kansas, at my parents, for the week as we had planned and DH will fly back on Sunday.

We have not told A that she passed away, she has been in a nursing home for several years and I don't really even remember when A would have seen her last. When her husband passed away a few months ago the kids went to the rosary but did not go to the funeral. This time they will go to both the visitation and service because we don't have anywhere else to leave them. Luckily the funeral is family only so I'm not as worried about their behavior.

But anyway, my question is what would you tell her? Today she brought the picture out, out of the blue, and asked if we were going to see her while we were in Kansas. REALLY??? I really didn't know what to say and talked more about who was in the picture then answering the question.

[diggitydot]

Just give her as much info as you think she can handle because toddlers don't understand death. When my mom's cat died (DD1 was about 4), she asked when Little Girl would be coming back. When I explained that once something dies it doesn't come back, she responded with, "But Jesus did."

That's kinda part of why people think he's a big deal, kiddo. Sigh. Kids typically don't get it.

[SuzySunshine]

Unfortunately skipping the funeral isn't an option because I don't have anyone to watch the kids and I want to go. I'm hoping she'll just think its a regular Sunday mass.

[Cinderella]

My first thought is has she seen "The Lion King". She may be too young to understand the circle of life but it can be explained in a way to have a positive experience. People and animals are born into this world and when they leave this world they die and go to a better place where their spirit lives on and watches over us.

[Pollyanna]

She will do fine, children have an amazing capacity to understand this stuff better than we do sometimes. Children of all ages were at my dad's funeral this summer as well as at the viewing. The grandchildren all placed special items in dad's casket before it was closed. In the end you will know what A can handle and what she can't. Children provide a beautiful witness to the circle of life when they are at funerals, I find it is very comforting to the adults to have children there. I am so sorry for your loss

[MrsK]

Sorry about your loss. If I can help while you are here, please call. I'd offer to watch your kids but I don't know my plans that fer out yet. Sort of moment by moment until I get back from FL.

[samssugarmomma]

Sorry for your loss! I agree with Pollyanna - she'll be fine. You may want to think of some scenarios in advance and have an explanation ready that she'll understand - like why are people crying? What is that box (the casket)? What is a cemetary?

When Lilly died, it helped Sam and I to have these explanations ready. We called the casket "Lilly's special box" where we placed some of her favorite things and the cemetary was "a special park" where we could go to remember her and leave flowers for her to see from Heaven.