Four-year old doesn't want to go to school

[v-girl]

My boy is in a PPCD preschool class due to speech delay. He has never "loved" going. The class is about 2.5 hours and I insist he have Fridays off. Well, we had spring break week and he was sick the following week. No set-backs for him in that time.

I took him yesterday though he definitely didn't want to go. He cried on the way. We got in carline and he pointed to the street and said "Mama, go that way now.". When I took him out of the car he started sobbing. I'm talking faced buried in my shoulder with real tears sobbing. I felt horrible.

I had to fight to dress him today. Then he ran off. I found him sad and curled up in my office chair in his room.

We aren't very impressed with his class and he really hasn't learned much from it (most speech has been from Leap Frog videos and toys). We have stuck with it for the social aspect -- he gets to play with other kids.

Would you stick it out or pull him from the class? We can request that he just see the speech therapist 1-2 times a week. Our oldest did that.

[MrsK]

I think I'd try to get more information about why he doesn't want to go. Does he like his teacher? His classmates? Is he upset about something that happened at school? Is he upset about being apart from you?

[scrub-jay]

Honestly, I might try to find a class that he likes more. Although I deal with major guilt for having my dd in daycare, she LOVES her school, teachers, and even has friends. If not for her giggles when she gets there/sees friends/sees teachers, I don't think I could take her. Do you think he really doesn't like it, or perhaps it is a separation thing?

I agree with MrsK, find out what is actually going on. ((hugs)) That is torture.

[v-girl]

He has never really taken to the main teacher. She is very defensive anytime I mention that he doesn't want to come to school. I talked to DH. We agreed I will try again tomorrow. His 4 year check up with his pediatrician is Thursday morning. I'm going to talk to him about possible sensory integration issues and see what he thinks about the PPCD class. Honestly, I can get social interaction for him at our church's spring playgroup that meets Friday mornings starting in April.

I think we need a conference or ARD (required anytime we change his schedule with the school).

I just don't get an honest, up-front feeling from his teacher. She paints a different picture than what we see. Yesterday, I handed my sobbing son off to another teacher. She consoled him and then sent him inside where the aide was waiting. When I picked him up, main teacher says he did great and had a wonderful day. Other teacher says he seemed tired and not really into it. Umm...were they referring to the same kid? Seriously.

[HouseofWool]

The conflicting stories from the teachers is odd. Have you talked to the director? Maybe K's teacher just isn't the touchy feely type that he may need. Given all that you have described for him, I also wonder about sensory issues. (Caleb has them too. Luckily, his are of the frustrating not debilitating variety.)

Two of my sister's kids are painfully shy and slow to open up to new situations. You wouldn't know it if you didn't see it. Lucy will talk you ear off if she is comfortable with you. But for her, preschool was a horrible ordeal involving oceans of tears.

Can you cut K's schedule down to just 2 or 3 days a week? Would that help him, if it wasn't so frequent?

[MrsK]

A defensive uncooperative teacher is a big red flag. If she won't work with you to get to the bottom of this, I'd move him to another class.

[Phoebe]

I agree with Mrs. K and Crystal to check into the matter further before pulling him out. Being away for spring break and his illness could have made him really comfortable at home. Also, his sisters get to stay home while he is at school. My middle daughter has sensory issues and she has trouble going places knowing her sisters are at home. We had a similar issue with DD#2 when she was in pre-K. The teachers has opposite personalities where one dripped sugar when she talked and the other one was ice woman. Ice woman always greeted the kids at the door like they were a bother to her. There was a three week period where my daughter didn't want to attend school and would freak out if I tried to leave her. She was finally able to verbalize her problem that Ice woman was always yelling at the class. She has always gotten upset when someone yells. I confirmed with other parents and went to the director. No one should be yelled at in preschool!

I think I would speak to a teacher you trust about what might be going on with K. It sounds like the lead teacher isn't being truthful.

[v-girl]

It's at the public school. Going around the main teacher isn't going to be easy. I really really wish they could just put him in a different school (he isn't going to our neighborhood school). I have a friend who is a speech therapist in another school district. I may ask her what her thoughts are on the best way to resolve this.

[Pollyanna]

I would take him out and try to get the speech therapy another way. Our fouth child went to the same preschool as her older sibs and in two months she had such bad regression that even her pediatrician said to get her the hell out of there. A bad teacher can have a HUGE impact on a child. He can get socialization elsewhere.

[diggitydot]

We had an almost identical situation with DS, who also has a language delay/disorder. His teacher wasn't the brightest bulb on the string, which didn't help the situation. I actually had to ask her to rewrite her part of his IEP because it was completely unintelligible. DS's biggest issue, by far, was the frustration and sheer exhaustion he experienced trying to effectively communicate with anyone who didn't understand his verbal "shorthand". He HATED school up until this last year. Yeah, 3rd freakin' grade.

The teacher might not be everything you'd want, but my bet is that school is exhausting and frustrating simply due to the language issue. As the language issue improves, so will the school experience.

[Vanquisher]

I would take him out and try to get the speech therapy another way. A bad teacher can have a HUGE impact on a child. He can get socialization elsewhere.

I agree. If you don't think he is getting his main objective acomplished there, is happier at home, and you are okay with having him home, go a different route.