hitting

[HouseofWool]

I am stymied by Sophie's recent foray into hitting.

In the last few weeks, she has started lashing out physically when she is told "No." I've checked with daycare and she is not engaging in this type of behavior there, luckily. It is reserved for me, mostly. Yippee.

I've done time outs, which really don't work for her. She just sits and screams until the time out is done then jumps up, happy as a clam.

I've done the whole "hands are for tickling/patting" shtick to no avail. Firmly telling her no, we don't hit has zero impact on her.

Any suggestions?

[SuzySunshine]

We have had to restructure A's timeouts so that she sits in her chair (is actually strapped in) for a set amount of time and IF she is calm and collected when the timer goes off THEN she can get down. If not she sits there until she is. She has sat for quite a while before. We do use her booster seat but it is pointed away from the table so that she doesn't correlate her time outs with meals.

???

[v-girl]

I would sit and hold K's hands down so he couldn't hit me. Or he had to do time out in his crib/car seat/stroller. No getting free until he calmed down and apologized (since he didn't talk, he would "give hugs sorry" to the victim).

[diggitydot]

Times outs only worked for DD2 after we told her that her allotted time didn't start until she was calm and collected. Only then did the clock start.



I'm so sorry. The hitting phase sucks.

[PrincessFiona]

Ugh. We went through this with Amanda. It was so frustrating. Of course, mil's advice was to hit her/bite her back. groan. I basically had to put her in a playpen (pack'n'play) that she couldn't climb out of for a time out. She was really too small to understand fully the whole time out doesn't start until you are calm thing ... but I did have her sit there until she calmed down and then talked with her that we don't hit. I could never do regular time outs with her. If I put Andrew in the time out chair, he would cry big alligator tears. When I did it to Amanda she scooted the chair through the house shrieking devilishly. lol.

Kris

[HouseofWool]

If I put Andrew in the time out chair, he would cry big alligator tears. When I did it to Amanda she scooted the chair through the house shrieking devilishly. lol.

And this is the difference between Caleb and Sophie. And I had the easy one first - so a willful child has me pulling my hair out.

[BonBon]

We also did strapped in time-outs where the timer didn't start until the kid was calmed down. But then, my kids didn't try and run with the chair strapped to their butts either.

Good luck...this parenting gig is NOT easy. It's the one job you can't quit, but damn, there are some days when I really want to!!!

[MrsK]

:hijack: I have the same question regarding biting. BabyK bites me mostly during play. He'll chomp down on my arm -- especially if I'm wearing short sleeves or sleeveless. Then he laughs when I yelp and does it again. Generally, I remove myself, end play, put him in the play pen and walk away without speaking to or looking at him. He'll cry for a couple minutes and the become distracted and happily stay in the play pen for 20 minutes or more while I get a break. I'm worried about him biting other children. I've never seen him do it to anyone else or bite out of frustration. But, then his teacher called to tell me that another child bit BabyK on the face! Didn't break the skin but left a huge hickey/bruise on his face for almost a week. I was trying not to go ballistic. I confessed to his teacher that I know my kid bites too. I didn't want to make a big fuss because I figured that payback is a bitch and some other mom would make me suffer when my kid bit someone if I made a big deal. Besides, I'd feel terrible if BabyK did that to someone else's child and I felt a little relieved that he was the bitee and not the biter. The teacher says that he's one of four in his class of 10 who bites so I figure he's biting there too.

When Moxie went through this phase, I just sprayed my hands with bitter apple before I played with her. I don't suppose that would work with BabyK?

[HouseofWool]

When Caleb's anxiety is high and he is chewing on his gloves, I douse them with bitter apple...

[v-girl]

We have gone through the biting stage a few times. Same discipline as hitting. Except when he bit one of his sisters hard enough that I had to make a call to the ped. He got a swat on his pull-up-protected bottom in addition to time-out.

[JC76]

Hijack - Going through the same this with Zoe right now. While I love the idea that she might have a strong personality overall, the willfulness and defiance is driving me NUTS. And the hitting is getting out of control. She made other toddlers cry on the playground twice last week because she either hit them or pushed them down before I could get to her. And she's smacking me all the time too. Sometimes it seems like it's a game to her, other times it's obviously because she's angry/frustrated. She's a late talker so I'm wondering if this is just frustration at not being able to communicate. But sometimes it's definitely pure anger because she's not getting her way or not getting attention. Sometimes the expression on her face shocks me - it's pretty intense. I bought a book this week called "Hands Are Not For Hitting" and have been reading it to her every day, multiple times. When it's really bad and she won't stop she gets a timeout in the crib, but timeouts don't seem to bother her too much. We also try to grab her hands and tell her to "be gentle" every time she's rough... but that just results in her smacking us, then leaning in to kiss and hug us afterwards, only to turn around and smack us in the face again immediately afterwards!! She's a handfull...

[diggitydot]

DS bit for a little while and he was a late talker, too. He wasn't able to verbalize his frustration. Thankfully, it didn't last long.

Hang in there.

[HouseofWool]

The late talking is NOT Sophie's problem. She is amazingly fluent for her age. It is pure anger and frustration. I am just overwhelmed by it all. My mom swears that she is just like I was as a child (gawd help me get through the teen-age years).

[JC76]

Ha Kris - my husband keeps telling me that our daughter's "anger issues" and defiance are thanks to my genes as well. Apparently he was the most good natured, submissive child in the world while I was hell on wheels (according to both our parents). I feel you when you are already looking forward with fear towards the teen-age years. If Zoe is this naturally defiant at 18 months I cannot begin to imagine what I'll be facing at 16!! I'll pray for us both.