What to do with a 2 year old who's not in preschool

[GrayMatterWife]

I've NEVER liked any of the mommy-and-me classes -- just not my bag, baby. Otherwise we hang at home, play, read, and she ENTERTAINS HERSELF.

We are like this on the weekends. More power to the mommy-and-me-ers, but, man, I cannot do that stuff. My kids just entertain themselves. Yesterday, my one-year-old spent an hour sitting on the kitchen floor, smacking her soft-soled shoe on the tile, laughing. It killed a good portion of evening, and she had a blast.

How much of just hangin is after you've done everything under the sun with your first baby?

I never did any of that. With my first baby we were too broke, and then the 2nd came quickly and we were even more broke and I was in survival mode. They don't need all that stuff. If you like it, do it, but she's 2, and 2 year olds don't need school or socialization. I assume Seattle has a Childrens Museum, Natural History Museum, Science Museum, Zoo or something? That is one thing we DID do. Get a membership, you can go whenever you want, you can leave when she's misbehaving w/o stressing about all the $$ you laid out to get in that day. It's great.

[GrayMatterWife]

Why do people feel their child needs to graduate first in their freaking Gymboree class?!?!

Because people are CRAZY. There is a mom in DS's class who constantly asks me what "book level" DS is on, because--apparently--unbeknownst to me--DS is the class's top reader (well, no one told me...until this mother did. How did SHE find out? Because she sorted through the pile of individualized nightly reading assignments that are sent home, and determined based on the "leveling" of the books which kid had the most advanced reader. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!! I was pretty miffed--this seems like a PRIVATE matter.)

She is trying to push up her daughter to DS's level, and sort of stalks us re: DS's improvement. I refuse to talk about it. I don't want DS to find out he's ahead of the other kids. He might feel weird about it. He went through enough hell last year at his previous school and not fitting in because he wasn't great at sports and was bored with the academics. This year has been so awesome--I don't want crazy competitive mom to make him feel like there's something different or wrong with him. He is finally getting his groove back. I will be SO PISSED if she tells her daughter. Besides, all of this is going to level out in the next few years. Why does she CARE?

These are the same crazy parents who plot for their five-year-olds to go to Harvard and map out their graduate education plans over playdates.

Anyhow, to answer your question: they are just CRAZY.

[alison]

Yes! We have memberships, and they're great! Gawd, we are such idiots... We took dd to the zoo and totally overdid it. Dh was on vacation and we spent 3 hours there. By the end of it, we were so pooped. We always try to do way too much! With a membership, we can go for 45 minutes and just do a few exhibits. Crazy first-timers....

And A, COME ON! You're not totally stoked that your kid is the best reader in class and other parents are taking notice?

[peggyfromwastate]

The children's museum is perfect for this age. You can go for 90 min then grab a lunch at the food court! I love that children's museum. It's not overly crazy like the one in Baltimore where I won't go unless dh is with me because it's so easy to Lose your kids there. The Seattle one is really a gem.

[peggyfromwastate]

And Alison If u have a membership to the Seattle zoo (which is right by my aunts house!!) there is reciprocity with point defiance zoo and aquarium. Its a drive, but it's a very fun place to go in the summer. They have lots of fun water things for the kids to play in. It's great for younger kids-- even has a really cool bird show.

[GrayMatterWife]

And A, COME ON! You're not totally stoked that your kid is the best reader in class and other parents are taking notice?

I think it would be different if he were the best at some non-academic part of the curriculum: music or art or soccer or something. Right now, I think the pain DS went through last year and all the stress it put on our family is still too raw. He was, far and away, the most academically advanced kid in his K class. But he was also the youngest kid--a lot younger--by about 6 months.

It was so terrible. I used to cry--me...a complete non-crier. My son was disappearing and being replaced by this kid who constantly got in trouble. He was "THE BAD KID" all.year.long. Other parents would tell me he was "the bad kid." Other STUDENTS would tell me he was "the bad kid." Turns out, he was bored and acting out. He WAS The Bad Kid. He got great grades and blew the doors off these stupid standardized tests, but he just couldn't sit there, with nothing to do, for 15 minute stretches at a time, while the other kids finished work. And the teachers would not give me extra work or a book to read or anything, because they did not want one kid getting an "extra" assignment. So he got in trouble, constantly. He would say things about himself, in passing, like, "I'm bad. I wish I were good." Almost every day when I went to pick him up from school, he was sitting sadly along the fence, head hung between in shoulders, waiting to tell me about all the ways he'd gotten in trouble that day.

It wasn't that he was socially ostracized...apparently, everyone liked him--he was popular among his classmates, the teachers liked him despite the struggles, but they all thought he was really weird. The teachers told me this: "Everyone really likes him...the other kids just think he's a little weird." Weird because he knew things they didn't and talked like an adult. Weird because he constantly got in trouble. They ended up calling in a social worker/psychologist from the diocese, who recommended a battery of tests, including IQ (WHO THE HECK TESTS A FIVE-YEAR-OLD FOR IQ????!!). Uh, NO. Everyone was well-meaning and had his best interests at heart, but we switched schools. It was so bad that, about last March, a very seriously considered quitting my job to home school him for the remainder of that academic year.

DS went back to the school where he'd done his Pre-K. It's a private, nonsecular school with much smaller teacher:student ratios. And, they are must more equipped to handle children who function a deviation or two outside the norm in any area--math, reading, music, art, sports, whatever. And they can help the child really develop their potential quietly, without drawing attention to the fact that they are "different." DS is so, so, so happy. He rarely gets in trouble and is known as a class leader in behavior and activities. He has tons of friends and no one thinks he's weird. And he is finally branching out and trying to achieve at things he is clearly NOT gifted at--especially gym (which he got kicked out of almost every single period last year. He had to sit outside the gym room, along the wall, by himself. My kindergartner failed gym--yes FAILED--as in, with an "F"--the teacher was s shriveled up witch who said that she had no tolerance for "energetic" boys...whatever that meant!). Now, almost every afternoon, he asks to go to the park so he can "practice running"--he wants to be as fast as the other boys, AND he thinks he can do it!

It's not that I mind DS being a strong reader. Or accomplished or talented at anything. But, I get very gun-shy about focusing on that right now. "Wow! Your son is so smart..." has always been followed by a big, fat "BUT..." that means that there is something that is a problem (generally boredom). It is going to take a while before that association goes way for me.

[GrayMatterWife]

And A, COME ON! You're not totally stoked that your kid is the best reader in class and other parents are taking notice?

I think it would be different if he were the best at some non-academic part of the curriculum: music or art or soccer or something. Right now, I think the pain DS went through last year and all the stress it put on our family is still too raw. He was, far and away, the most academically advanced kid in his K class. But he was also the youngest kid--a lot younger--by about 6 months.

It was so terrible. I used to cry--me...a complete non-crier. My son was disappearing and being replaced by this kid who constantly got in trouble. He was "THE BAD KID" all.year.long. Other parents would tell me he was "the bad kid." Other STUDENTS would tell me he was "the bad kid." Turns out, he was bored and acting out. He WAS The Bad Kid. He got great grades and blew the doors off these stupid standardized tests, but he just couldn't sit there, with nothing to do, for 15 minute stretches at a time, while the other kids finished work. And the teachers would not give me extra work or a book to read or anything, because they did not want one kid getting an "extra" assignment. So he got in trouble, constantly. He would say things about himself, in passing, like, "I'm bad. I wish I were good." Almost every day when I went to pick him up from school, he was sitting sadly along the fence, head hung between in shoulders, waiting to tell me about all the ways he'd gotten in trouble that day.

It wasn't that he was socially ostracized...apparently, everyone liked him--he was popular among his classmates, the teachers liked him despite the struggles, but they all thought he was really weird. The teachers told me this: "Everyone really likes him...the other kids just think he's a little weird." Weird because he knew things they didn't and talked like an adult. Weird because he constantly got in trouble. They ended up calling in a social worker/psychologist from the diocese, who recommended a battery of tests, including IQ (WHO THE HECK TESTS A FIVE-YEAR-OLD FOR IQ????!!). Uh, NO. Everyone was well-meaning and had his best interests at heart, but we switched schools. It was so bad that, about last March, a very seriously considered quitting my job to home school him for the remainder of that academic year.

DS went back to the school where he'd done his Pre-K. It's a private, nonsecular school with much smaller teacher:student ratios. And, they are much more equipped to handle children who function a deviation or two outside the norm in any area--math, reading, music, art, sports, whatever. And they can help the child really develop their potential quietly, without drawing attention to the fact that they are "different." DS is so, so, so happy. He rarely gets in trouble and is known as a class leader in behavior and activities. He has tons of friends and no one thinks he's weird. And he is finally branching out and trying to achieve at things he is clearly NOT gifted at--especially gym (which he got kicked out of almost every single period last year. He had to sit outside the gym room, along the wall, by himself. My kindergartner failed gym--yes FAILED--as in, with an "F"--the teacher was s shriveled up witch who said that she had no tolerance for "energetic" boys...whatever that meant!). Now, almost every afternoon, he asks to go to the park so he can "practice running"--he wants to be as fast as the other boys, AND he thinks he can do it!

It's not that I mind DS being a strong reader. Or accomplished or talented at anything. But, I get very gun-shy about focusing on that right now. "Wow! Your son is so smart..." has always been followed by a big, fat "BUT..." that means that there is something that is a problem (generally boredom). It is going to take a while before that association goes way for me. I want to protect DS from going through that again... Crazy Competitive Mom should give us some space and worry about how she can cram in yet-another series of afterschool lessons, to add to violin, gymnastics, and whatever other "educational" extra curriculars she wants to load on. We go home and go to the park and practice racing.

[Auspicious]

I like the structured stuff, we just don't do it every day. My thought was just don't feel pressured to find something for every day, because most people don't. Really, though, even if you did a 90-minute class every day that would leave something like ten hours per day for a two-year-old to learn to entertain herself.

[MrsK]

When BabyK is home with me, I try to have one activity planned. He gets stir crazy if I don't take him out. Me too. I always have to be doing something even if we are just at hjomme -- but he cannot entertain himself doing laundry. I try to stick with inexpensive, no pressure stuff. Going to the library or to the park sort of stuff. Even stopping by the pet shop to look at fish is a big field trip for him.

[Vishenka69]

I was going stir crazy last winter when we couldn't leave the house for days. The trip to Target was the highlight of some weeks. That's why I signed her up for part time day care. That's our structured activity for two (about to become 3) days a week. They do all sorts of art projects, go outside, have Music Together class, etc., while I get to browse TJ Maxx quietly by myself. It works well for everyone.

She also loves being outside now that it's warm. She runs to the front door as soon as her feet touch the floor in the morning. I also have to struggle for 10 minutes every time I have to load her in the car because she'd rather be outside in the parking lot than go home or some other indoor place.

[houseelf]

We go out everyday, but that is for ME. In addition to walks with my girlfriends or compulsory errands, at least one or two days a week we do a park or museum. I love our memberships and when asked for gift suggestions I direct family members to gifting a museum membership rather than a toy.

I have done various activities through the years, ranging from Early Childhood Education classes to Mommy and Me Spanish. They tend to be expensive and my kids haven't always been fully capable of comporting their behavior to the teacher's expectations. I find that at two, my kids just aren't capable of sitting and listening to directions and it makes me feel bad. They get there by preschool, but I have yet to have a child who was a successful attendee at library story time before about 3 years old. Yep, we are library flunkees.

There actually is a two year old preschool here, but we're not going to do it. I do use drop in childcare on occasion, however. I completely agree with Shakti's thoughts on not programming kids to feel like they have to do something for them everyday.

[DCJenn]

Alison- there's a level of crazy in some elementary school parents what will shock you when you get there. Take gymboree mom and multiply her by ten and then stir in more crazy and that's what you get. OR conversely you get the parents who can't or won't care about their kids education or behavior. They're almost harder to deal with than the hyper-achievers.

Jenn

[alison]

I didn't know that about the zoo having reciprocity with the zoo/aquarium at Pt. Defiance.
It's a bit of a trek, with dd's current nap schedule that cuts the day in two. She's usually not up until around 3pm, so it's sort of out of the question until we drive down in the morning. But thanks!

There are some really nutty people out there. They do seem to collect at Gymboree. But maybe it's my own preconceived ideas about suburban kids that was only confirmed when we were living in CA.

[Gwendolyn]

We would love to gather for a play-date. Harper is 18m now and very social. I know the weather is getting better and more outside time on the horizon, but we do the Everett children's museum a lot and the Mukilteo Library Wednesday storytime. The Mukilteo YMCA has a "tot time" where they set a bunch of stuff out in the gym and the kids can play like it is outdoors. I also try to go to a class at the Y a few times a week and she hangs and plays in the day care (although we are now struggling with some separation anxiety again). We are considering starting a Little Gym class in Everett. It seems to be a bit less intense than Gymboree? I realize that all of this is a drive and ferry-ride away, but I'm sure there are equivalents across the way