Hitting help!

[Ladybug]

My almost 3 yo is constantly hitting her sibs lately. I've been consistently giving her 2 minute time outs. She cries and apologizes, but is hitting again as soon as she's frustrated. Her hitting is leading to the baby brother's hitting too.

I'm trying a reward system too. She gets a tangible reward (penny--I know it's not the safest reward) for good manners or good listening (ie: returning the toy she just yanked out of her brothers hand). She has a time out and gives me one of her pennies when she hits. It makes her sad, but doesn't seem to curb the behavior.

I'm trying to spend one-on-one time with her but it's a challenge. I do participate in her gymnastic class on Saturdays and she has my undivided attention for that hour.

She's also using the word stupid all the time. Mostly I think it's to hijack her sisters' attention (like the hitting) but I can't seem to break her of it.

I'm out of ideas. I've never had a kid that hit so much. Help!!!

[Michele]

Kai (3 in December) is doing the exact same thing. Hitting Phedre, yanking toys out of her hand and everything is poop and stupid. He gets a 3 min time out, then has to hug and apologize for hitting and he has to say "i'm sorry for hitting". Hasn't helped in our house either. I figure he'll grow out of it in a few months. I assume it's just some developmental stage/phase. I'm pretty sure Daegan went through it too.

[Michele]

I should mention that he gets 5-10 timeouts per day. The hitting is nearly every time they play together.

[migirl]

That sounds like my 3yo too. Nothing I tried worked, so now I'm just waiting for him to grow out of it.

I'm kidding. Sort of. Okay not really.

Seriously, we do time outs and everything else and it hasn't improved.

[MrsK]

Yeah, we have hitting too...and biting, hair pulling, kicking, pinching, poking, scratching, pulling, pushing ... Terrible twos? Some of it's roughhousing. Some is aggressive.

We do a combination of things. Distracting/redirecting, time out (we use a red place mat as the time out spot - I might have to start carrying it with me), roll playing and story telling when he seems receptive. The snake puppet at playgroup didn't have friends when he bit so now the Mr Snake only kisses. The ball is "mine" unless you ask nicely without hitting/biting/pulling. No one gets to bite/hit - even baby brother will be mildly scolded for biting/hitting. It seems silly but we are using everything we've got. Ever heard that cliche about psychiatrists making their kids nuts?

[samssugarmomma]

We do a combination of things as well - an immediate time out for hitting/hair pulling, anything physically harmful - followed up by a hug and a kiss to whoever was hit/pulled/maimed. Then we try to help her figure out what she could do instead - like using words - and then help her figure out *what* words to use (can I have that, will you share with me, etc). I've found that telling Elena what *not* to do doesn't help - she needs to be told what *to do* - use your words, come and get mommy, ask for help, etc.

For toy grabbing they have to return the toy and then use their words or get redirected to something else. If the toy becomes an issue then the toy is put in timeout. Then everyone suffers, but, oh well. 8 )

For language we do time outs and then discuss what can be said instead - or we just outright say "we don't say stupid/hate/etc" in this house. You can not like something, but you can't say it is stupid. Next time you say that you are going to sit on your bed".

Our timeout spot is the stairs that go from the main level to the level with the kids bedrooms. If they are in BIG trouble then they have to go and sit on their bed in their room. For regular timeouts we do 1 minute per age of the child. When they have to go and sit on their beds we do 1.5 minutes per age of the child. Or until they stop crying. 8 )