Need some potty training help! What else is new?

[Ladybug122]

Ok, friends. Here's the deal...my 2 1/2 year old is potty trained...well sorta. In Feb, she showed interest in using the toilet, would go when you put her on it, so I figured I'd give it a shot and if it works, it works, if not, I'll come back to it later. Well she did great. Within 2 weeks, she "got" it, albeit with me bringing her to the potty every couple of hours. She was close to 100% as far as pooping on the toilet goes.

Now, we are struggling to finish this process.. Basically, if I bring her to the bathroom every 1 1/2 - 2hrs, we are perfect. No accidents. My problem is that she shows NO interest in initiating trips to the bathroom. If I don't bring her, she'll inevitably wet her pants. She mostly tells me when she has to poop, but hardly ever tells me when she has to pee. When does the Mommy-driven toilet trip stuff end?

Also, most times I ask her to use the bathroom, she resists. She doesn't like to do anything I suggest (terrible two's I guess). So about 6-8 times a day we have this power struggle bathroom situation in which I end up threatening to put her in time out if she doesn't use the toilet and she finally agrees and goes. It is very dysfunctional on both ends.

What gives? I welcome any comments or suggestions. I am at a loss. I don't want to put her back in diapers because she has come this far, we just need her to to take the final steps and start initiating bathroom trips. Oh, and I should mention, she only has accidents at home - not when we are out an about (she is one of those kids who enjoys checking out public bathrooms) or at the babysitters. Aaarrgghh.

[spotty_dog]

Depends on the kid. DD trained a little after age 2 and I don't think I'd consider her completely reliable without reminders still at a little over 3 years. But in the past few weeks she's gotten significantly *more* reliable and I'm more likely to find her using the potty without a reminder, or being willing to try a public toilet or even pee in the bushes because she knows her body's signals now.

[Pollyanna]

If she poops in the potty on her own then that is HUGE imho. The pee accidents are typical of kids trained when they are 2. My only advice would be to avoid the struggles with her, she is in complete control here and she knows it. Most importantly you don't want her to start withholding poop (that is just an ugly situation) just to spite you. Hang in there mama.

[MrsK]

Sounds like she's doing great. As for getting her to go to the potty when you ask, we have a box of small toys in our bathroom that have been labeled "potty toys". The boys can only play with those when K1 is on the potty. It's a good incentive. When I suggest K1 use the potty, he'll ask "and play with potty toys?"

[spotty_dog]

I should add that I don't find it useful to apply punishment to accidents, not shaming or taking away privileges or anything else...*except*. When DD got to be almost 3 and was still doing that refuse to potty/promptly have an accident thing, I got frustrated. So at that point I very calmly explained that to protect the floors, we were going to go back to diapers. The first time she thought this was hilarious, but I chose a big bulky cloth diaper that was pretty uncomfortable after so many months of wearing underpants. She quickly opted to use the potty and ditch the diaper. After that, I wrestled one on her about twice, but then it served only as a threat. I tried to keep it as non-punitive as possible, "Some little girls still need diapers when they're almost 3, it's OK if you do," but as soon as I brought it out she'd be instantly compliant.

And as Tara alluded to, the difference between a kid trained at 1.5 or 2 and a kid trained at 3 or 4, is mostly just parent involvement in the potty process. Some kids are compliant and dirtiness-averse enough to go along with the potty ritual earlier; others are more individually-minded or mess-complacent and don't see the point of jumping through those hoops until they reach an age where peer pressure and/or full bladder control motivates them. Either way, it's not really reasonable to expect real toilet independence before 3 to 4 years -- I tried to keep that in mind with both my kids (one started using the potty pretty regularly at 16 months, the other around 22 months). It helps stave off frustration when your potty journey is measured in years and not just weeks.

[Lala]

This is really interesting for me to read. I know nothing about this subject because my daughter is only 7 months old, but I'm looking forward to all the toilet drama. I know it's going to be hard work, but I can't wait to not have to buy diapers (although I'll really miss the Pampers points! haha)

[JC76]

Ladybug - my daughter is around the same age as yours and I would say that you described our situation almost exactly. So, don't feel like you're alone!

[GrayMatterWife]

"Elmo's Potty Time"

I freaking hate and love that video. Torture for parents to hear...but my daughter potty trained almost overnight under it's influence. Anything Elmo loves, she loves.

[Michele]

Kai is in diapers again (almost 3.5y). Frustrating!! He wants the diaper. And if I refuse, he'll just pee in his pants, all over my couch, all over the floor, in his shoes....he doesn't care. What really pisses me off is when he pees in his diaper at school, takes it off and throws it away and doesn't put on a new diaper. Cause then he just pees again! I finally yelled at him the last time he peed on the couch. (third time in 2 days). He's not allowed to sit on the couch anymore unless diapered.

[v-girl]

M - k was doing that with poop. That's when we started taking away a train when he soiled his pants. He would get it back when he went in the potty. It worked! You get to a point when it isn't that they can't, it's that they won't.