Vents and Advice needed

[MarissaNicole]

So I feel like I am treading water... I get nothing done, and I don't work and only have one little one (she's four months today). I'm just particularly frustrated today because I feel like I am on a treadmill and stuck in the same place. I only get the basics done (cooking, cleaning, shopping, sleeping, eating, paying bills) but I don't get any projects done and I feel like I am behind on everything!

Part of this is because Minnie is on a weird schedule. (And she is high maintenance - very particular about how she is put down for naps, fussy if she doesn't nap). Until the last few days she was eating every 2 hours. She would wake, eat, play, nap 15-45 minutes and repeat. She doesn't go down easy and must be rocked for at least 10 minutes, sometimes a half hour. Up until last night she has been a great sleeper, always sleeping seven hours at a time. Sometimes she would be up at 5 but would generally eat and go back to sleep until at least seven. Last night she screamed before bed, then was up at 1, which I fed her and but she screamed for a bit before going back to bed. Then around 4 I saw that she was face down in the corner of her crib. She has a swaddler on so I panicked and moved her. Then she kept thrashing so I was afraid she would end up on her face again so I unswaddled her. She was up shortly screaming. I am hoping this was just a bout of teething or gas, but I'm not sure.

Now I am paranoid about putting her in her swaddler, but I think that is why she sleeps so well! Argh! I may try the swaddler again or try a sleep sack and hope she still sleeps well.

About two weeks she was really irritable so I started putting her down earlier (8-9) rather than 9-10:30 ish. This has seemed to help greatly as well as being very diligent with making sure she naps every few hours, but I cannot seem to get the naps any longer than 45 minutes unless she is being held or in the car. I am using HEALTHY SLEEP HABITS by Weissbluth but can't seem to find anything other than it says your childs naps SHOULD grow in length. Right now she naps about four times a day but only for 15-45 minutes each (usually a half hour each)

Any advice?

I don't want to try cry it out yet as she is a SCREAMER - she gets hysterical and can't even remember why she is upset. Several times a day I have to give her gripe juice to distract her so that she will calm down.

[v-girl]

[Thirteen]

One of the Trifecta: Growth spurt? Developmental milestone? Teething?

Tiptoeing in here: "Hi, my name is 13, and I am guilty of wanting to do all things (and then some), and do them well."
The hardest part for me was to let go of things, like projects, that I used to do before DS was born.
My suggestion (and this is in a loving tone here, folks) would be to consider letting some of the projects go for a while. The fact that you get all the basics done astounds me - It was hard for me to go from organized and efficient to (what I thought was) slow, unprepared, and lazy.

M is 4 months, you said? Enjoy her as much as possible, because she will be 16 months before you know it. (Oh, DS...)
It's so hard when they don't nap (BTDT), but it's even harder when you feel like you are failing in areas where you used to be successful, too. Be kind to yourself.
Naps: Can you wear her, will she sleep longer if you do?
Projects: Can DH help? Do you have a friend, or are you able to hire out some of these projects? Can they wait, or be done step-by-step more slowly?

[MarissaNicole]

She LOVES be worn being facing out but that is all she will tolerate. She has to see what is going on at all times. Even when I rock her to sleep, I have to do it standing and holding her out.... then I have to swing her back and forth quickly so that she cannot focus on anything and will fall asleep. If I wear her or have her in the stroller she will doze off but will not nap any longer than usual.

The projects are just stupid things like organizing the basement, putting her baby book together, recording her milestones and going through YEARS of digital pictures.

DH is helpful in that some nights he is able to give her a bath and/or hold her while he eats dinner, but that's pretty much all he is around for. I just got done hosting a baby shower, maybe I will have my mom come visit so that I can get a few things done. I guess I just feel lazy, worthless and unorganized.

[SuzySunshine]

Nope, not worthless, lazy and unorganized. The first year is the hardest, yep I said it, year - it sucks. ESPECIALLY if you were a highly efficient person before you had her which I suspect you were. You are getting adjusted to having her take up ALL of your time and it sucks it out of you. A was like that. I used to have to put her in her car seat and rock it like a swing to get her to fall asleep and then put her down - you would think the swing would work just as well? Nope! All logic was lost on that one.

If you REALLY feel like you need to get some stuff done and your mom wants to help ask her, its not hurting anyone.

BIG BIG hugs!

[samssugarmomma]

I feel your pain! Yours sounds a lot like my first one. I remember feeling so awful, unorganized and lazy.

I know that it is really, really, really hard, but you may have to take little teeny tiny baby steps on those projects until she is a older. I don't think I started my DD1's baby book until well after she was a year because she would never let me put her down long enough to work on it.

She won't be this needy forever! Soon she will be able to sit with you and you will be able to work on the projects a little bit with her right next to you in a bouncy seat or on an activity mat.


It's so hard - but right now, you might "only" be able to do the basics - food, clothing, and keeping the bills afloat.

[diggitydot]

Seriously, that first year is CRAZY hard.

Let the projects go. It's not worth making yourself feel inadequate, particularly when it's the furthest thing from the truth.

Does she like being in a swing? Would that give you a little bit of breathing room so you wouldn't feel quite as overwhelmed at those times when you just need a break?

[SoonerTexan]

Have you thought about getting an exersaucer? She should be close to old enough for one now...made a huge difference for "STIMULATE ME AT ALL TIMES" N

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Nothing but hugs. She might be my child's brunette twin.

D doesn't nap as won't sleep longer than 2-3 hours at night. I get nothing done other than the basics of survival. Just keep moving is my mantra - start laundry, make dinner, sweep floor, etc. If a day goes by and things don't get worse (aka messier), that's a win!! Weekends if Dh is home, we might make small progress on a project (like unpacking one moving box) but mostly nothing gets done.

I've had to forgive myself and try to move on. I was finding that I wasn't enjoying her otherwise. She was becoming an inconvenience to "manage" and not a baby I delighted in raising. I won't tell you I delight in every day but I'm getting a little better every day now that I'm engaging her more vs trying to just deal with her long enough to tackle my to do list.

[TigerLily]

I wish I had advice for you, because I would use it as well. I think I'm right here next to you in this boat.

[Urowife]

My first was like that for naps. She would only fall asleep nursing - nothing else worked. But, she would only sleep for 30-40 minutes if I put her in the crib. I ended up laying down with her for all naps nursing her on and off to keep her asleep. I did this until she was about 15 months, at which point she was down to one nap a day, and she was able to stay asleep by herself for 2 hours.

Many people thought I was crazy for staying with her for all naps, but for me, it was a sanity saver. I was going insane when I would spend 30 minutes getting her to sleep only to have her wake up 15 minutes later. Sometimes I would nap with her, other times I would surf the net on my iPod. Not saying this is what you should do, but just telling my story in case there is anyone out there in a similar situation. It is okay to help your child sleep - they will eventually learn to sleep on their own.

My newborn is starting to be a more difficult sleeper too. I was hoping he'd be better than my first. The problem for us is that he doesn't fall asleep nursing. I have to put him in the sling, turn on a portable noise machine to ocean sounds, stick a paci in, and bounce on a bouncy ball while patting his bum. And now I'm starting to have to cover his eyes to block him from staring at the interesting things in the room. Seriously? Oh, and I have to carry him around in the sling and pat his bum periodically to keep him asleep longer than 20-30 minutes.

I hope things get better for you soon! I know how difficult it is!

[MarissaNicole]

I do get some things done alternating between putting her in the lionhart/bumboseat, johny jump up, floor gym and swing. We have the mamaroo, and although she likes it when she is happy, it isn't violent enough to settle her if she isn't in a good mood. The johnny jump up is a lot like the exersaucer and she's not quite interested in the activities on it yet, but she likes to swing around in it. When I am desperate I put her in the car seat and swing her in the air... although that is taking a number on my neck as she is getting bigger. We just borrowed my cousin's swing and although its not fast its a different direction/motion so I will try using that tomorrow.

I've been away from here because I feel like I get nothing done and I've been trying to stay away from the computer as it can very well be a huge time suck... but I think I need to come here just for the peace of mind and support. It's good to know that I am not necessarily doing something wrong because she won't take long naps..... that's how I feel since everyone says she should be taking two long naps rather than 4 or 5 short ones!

I'm also getting nervous because I need to go back to work to pay the bills and IF I can land a job I am really worried about someone taking care of her because I feel like she is super high maintenance.

[MarissaNicole]

I have to put him in the sling, turn on a portable noise machine to ocean sounds, stick a paci in, and bounce on a bouncy ball while patting his bum. And now I'm starting to have to cover his eyes to block him from staring at the interesting things in the room. Seriously? Oh, and I have to carry him around in the sling and pat his bum periodically to keep him asleep longer than 20-30 minutes.

This is so her. I have to:
1) hold her facing out
2) hold the binky in
3) sway back and forth (fast enough that she can't focus on anything)
4) bounce and hop around
5) with the sound machine on
for about 10 minutes and then she will give me a 30 minute nap.... and sometimes she'll wake up when I go to set her down!

The odd thing is as long as she isn't over tired she goes down much better in the evening. (Knock on wood).

[ladymoreta]

Hugs! I've been there, too. I agree; cut yourself slack on the projects. For the baby book, I just note the date of milestones in my phone, then write them in the baby book later. You can fill in the other stuff much later.

Four months is about when I've had success starting on a schedule. The Baby Sleep Site has some good sample schedules based on age. http://www.babysleepsite.com/schedul...-old-schedule/
Like she says, you won't get a solid schedule yet, but it should start adding some more predictability to the day.

[Thirteen]

You are doing all the right things! Babies are just... Complicated, and often hard. I am glad you're back.

Who was it (Alison?) that said, "Babies are a-holes." *laugh*
Sometimes...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk