Dropping a feeding?

[ladymoreta]

Ah, that's good, that she's already falling asleep without nursing during the day. That should make it easier. When we were ready to drop the nursing to sleep, I just moved the feeding to the start of the bedtime routine (just before bath, for us).

Yeah, once both DD and DS could sit up and pull up, that started a whole new level of sleep training. I basically teach them that they must lie down. I don't let them sit up and play or fuss. I stand next to the crib and lay them back down each time they try. It's more work at the moment, but I credit that with DS's easy transition into the toddler bed, because he already knew not to get up.

That may not work for you, or you may not be comfortable doing it, and that's just fine! And both my kids have had similar sleep personalities/problems, so it's very likely that what worked for me won't for you. Just go with your gut, give something a week or two, and if it doesn't work, move on!

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Ok, revisiting this. She's still up at least twice a night nursing at 9 months. Last night, she screamed bloody murder for 25 minutes while I tried not to nurse her at 2 AM after nursing her at 11. Once she screamed herself out, she slept until 6:30.

My pediatrician said (in a visit today) that I should try and night wean her before 10/11 months because otherwise they get to a point developmentally where night weaning is a lot harder - having watched my SIL night wean her 2 year old, I believe her. I can see that if this strong-willed child of mine gets too old, I will have a real problem on my hands.

I'm having really hard time finding techniques/advice though because the advice is in two camps: DON'T WEAN UNTIL YOUR CHILD IS AT LEAST 18 MONTHS or WHY DIDN'T YOU DO CIO AT 6 MONTHS IDIOT! Seems there's no middle ground...

I do think, nutritionally, that if I feed her right before bed, she should be fine until early AM as evidenced by the fact that she went 11-6:30 today with apparently no ill effects. Awoke happy and nursed immediately. I am willing to start nursing when DH leaves for work (4:30/5) to keep her asleep. After that long a stretch, I will definitely always nurse her immediately.

My plan is to nurse her to sleep with a very full feeding (i.e. both sides, completely empty) at her normal bedtime 8:30ish and then not nurse again until 4:30ish or when she wakes. I will go to her if she cries and lay with her soothing her until she falls back asleep. She doesn't need to nurse to sleep as she goes to sleep for the nanny without it almost every day. She just likes snacking at night. I will not let her cry alone but will work to settle her. I'm not kidding myself that this will be easy but we cannot continue like we are. I'm under too much work stress not to be sleeping at all and I do want to have her in a better routine before she gets past 10/11 months.

I believe she'll be angry but I don't believe she can rightfully feel scared with me lying right there soothing and holding her. I am therefore thinking that if I can hang tough, we will be able to settle into a happier routine for everyone.

Does this seem cruel/wrong? Does it seem foolish? What are going to be my pitfalls? Help me pressure test this before I try it!!

[ladymoreta]

Definitely not cruel, wrong, foolish, etc! I think you have a good plan in place, and anything is worth trying for a week or two. Babies are just so different, so your instinct is probably the best strategy.

I know you don't love the idea of formula, but that's where we've had the most success with DD lately. I nurse her before her bath (oddly enough, it got her too wound up to fall asleep quickly when I was nursing right before bed). Then if she wakes up hungry overnight, I give her a bottle of formula. That almost immediately got us down to 1 feeding per night. I think part of it was she was waking up and wanting to nurse, but a bottle wasn't worth the bother. Just within the past week, she's had a few nights of not needing any feedings (heavenly!). I don't force dropped feedings, but I encourage it, and this seemed to be the most effective way of convincing DD that she didn't need it.

[Bittersweet]

Does this seem cruel/wrong? Does it seem foolish? What are going to be my pitfalls? Help me pressure test this before I try it!!

I don't think this is foolish, at all. In fact, a variation of your plan worked really well for DS (we don't have the balls for cry it out methods ). Now, with that said, it was an utter failure when *I* tried to rock/comfort DS back to sleep without feeding. He was unable to be comforted by me despite hours of rocking, bouncing, etc. If I was around, it was the boobs or nothing and I wasn't willing to let him cry for hours in my arms wondering why I just wouldn't feed him (sounds like you won't have that problem, though). Once DH went in to comfort, DS's wakings became shorter and less frequent and about a month later they just went away. It really was gradual and tear free and DS is a great little sleeper now. Good luck!!

ETA: I almost forgot - before we started this plan we had DS's daycare provider offer him an extra bottle during the day. DS has always been lean and I didn't want to short him any calories. I had enough frozen milk and I figured it couldn't hurt. No idea if that helped or not, though.

[SuzySunshine]

If she only cried for 25 minutes last night I think it will be easier then you think - it will suck but I think she can do it, and so can you - hang in there!

[Pollyanna]

If she only cried for 25 minutes last night I think it will be easier then you think - it will suck but I think she can do it, and so can you - hang in there!

Yep! Stay strong, it will be best for both of you!

[SoonerTexan]

Not cruel at all. And you know how crazy I am about it

[Thirteen]

You do what you need to do, and go with your instincts. Every child is different.
DH woke up at least once a night to nurse until he was 13 months old - it was easier to nurse and put him back to bed than endure the crying. I'm lazy, what can I say?
He dropped that last night feeding on his own one day, and I've been sleeping well since.
However, at 9 months, he was still eating 2x a night, and I was over it.

It took 3 nights of DH going in around 4am to comfort him for DS to get that the 4am feeding was going to become the "after 6am morning feeding."





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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

However, at 9 months, he was still eating 2x a night, and I was over it.

This makes me feel like I'm not crazy for being "over it" feeding her 2-3x/night at 9 months. I just can't do it anymore and she's getting louder and more insistent so we need to nip this in the bud.

Reporting back in:

Last night went ok. I'm following this approach (http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html) although my child is not old enough by his standards. Given that I already know she can sleep without nursing and what I've seen other times when I haven't nursed her (like when she wakes up 20 minutes after nursing), I know she is capable of going back to sleep without it.

I decided that 11-4:30/5 (when DH leaves) would be my non-nursing hours. So, if she woke up before then, it was likely that she heard my very loud SIL who is currently living with us and I would nurse her. She woke at 11:30 and screamed for 5 minutes while I lay beside her on her bed mattress and soothed her. She woke at 2, 2:10, and 2:20...each time falling back to sleep for 2-3 minutes before re-awakening. Nonetheless, she did not nurse until 4:30 when DH left. At that point, she ate so much that I think she might have gone into a coma because she slept without moving for 3 more hours in bed with me. So, I didn't get any more sleep than usual but I feel like at least we might have made progress.

I am glad I'm addressing this now. I think, for us, being able to do this in an AP way (respectfully but knowing that our family needs her to sleep) is key. I've read a lot about night weaning a toddler and it seems like it would be a lot harder since they're more articulate and aware. Ideally we wouldn't have to do this but we're resource constrained right now with my work schedule so I'm just accepting it as "best for our family".

[Michele]

I've had friends do the bottle of water method. I have no idea. I'm in camp crazy and nurse my 2yo several times a night.