Toddler Co-Sleeping and New Baby

[civilspouse]

We are expecting baby #2 this summer shortly before DS's 3rd birthday. As an infant DS ended up co-sleeping with us because it was so much easier to nurse at night, plus I work full time and liked being able to get some extra time with him. I used to rock him to sleep and lay him in the crib and then bring him to our bed after he first woke up. At around 18 months we transitioned him to a twin bed and we carried on the same routine. At some point I quit bringing him into our bed and started lying down with him in his bed when he wakes up. I sometimes fall asleep, but eventually try to go back into our master bed. I am torn because although some nights it's a pain I really don't mind it, but I don't think I can keep this up with a nursing baby. We were planning to do something prior to the baby coming so while I was taking some time off from work at Christmas time I tried just sitting at the edge of his bed and patting him, ssshing him, etc and not laying down. This turned into him being up for 2-3 hours a couple nights in a row before I could get him back to sleep. Then on Christmas Eve I wanted us all to get some sleep so we could enjoy Christmas and I gave up.

Also, ever since DS has been tiny his comfort item, lovey, is my hair. He has stuffed animals and blankets that he's attached to, but it's my hair that always wins out. If he's upset or tired and I have my hair up he asks me to take it down for him. I feel like he is going to grow out of this and I will miss the snuggling and him running his fingers through my hair, but I feel like with the baby coming we have a deadline looming. I am thinking of getting a co-sleeper and trying to use that for the new baby instead of having her/him sleep in our bed, but I'm sure that's where the baby will end up eventually. DH is a heavy sleeper though so I wouldn't want to leave the baby in the bed with him to go comfort DS. Any thoughts on how to make the transition to fewer night wakings with DS or how to cosleep with a toddler and infant?

[GreyhoundsRUs]

No advice! Congrats, though!

[SoonerTexan]

Watching this thread! It is very likely N is getting kicked out of our bed for good (well except for sick and teething times) this summer, just because I don't want to cosleep while pregnant. That and while I am a HUGE believer in co-sleeping (it allowed me to breastfeed and essential not really be sleep deprived after the 6 week mark), I'm hesitant to do it with a baby and a toddler for safety reasons. Maybe if toddler is on the daddy side of the bed only, but even then...

[Michele]

I did it on and off. If you have a side car crib/ co-sleeper it is easier. Baby in that then mom then toddler then dad.

If no sidecar, I do toddler, mom, baby, dad.

My boys ended up liking to sleep ON my feet/legs so they were away from the baby. But at various times I've had all three in the bed. It gets hard because they all need to be touching me while they sleep.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

DD got kicked out at 5 months to a twin bed mattress on the floor because DH started residency and we didn't think it was safe that she was in there with that level of sleep deprivation. The twin bed was great though because I could go to her and doze if I needed to but it got her out of our bed. It made the transition a lot easier although she was admittedly much younger. I was just thinking that the hybrid of a floor bed would allow your LO to gradually ease away from sleeping with you all the time. It could be on the floor with you (you move ot the bed once he's asleep), then falling asleep without you, and then gradually moving it into his own space.

I loved co-sleeping and like ST, I credit it with being functional because I was getting some sleep since DD still doesn't sleep through the night. It just wouldn't have worked for us after he started intern year.

[Urowife]

My DD is 3.5, and I handle sleep much the same way as you. She sleeps on a bed in her own room, and I go to her room to comfort her if she awakes at night. DS is 6 months, and we generally cosleep. But, I have the Arm's Reach cosleeper, and he sleeps in that until he wakes up the first time, and then I bring him into our bed. If DD wakes up, I put DS into the cosleeper and deal with DD (take her to the potty, get her back to bed, etc.). If she wakes to potty, generally, she goes back to bed and falls asleep immediately. She doesn't need me to stay with her. But, if she wakes for other reasons (needs mommy, bad dream, etc.), then she wants me to stay for a long time, and it gets tricky. Most of the time, DS stays asleep, so it's not a huge deal. He's not a fantastic sleeper, but he definitely sleeps better than DD did. He doesn't mind "transitions", so he doesn't wake up immediately if you set him down in the crib. DD would wake instantaneously when she was a baby!

Good luck and congrats!

ETA: You can slowly make the transition from having to lay down to sitting next to him, etc. I transitioned from lying next to DD to sitting next to her and holding her hand, and then, I limited the amount of time I held her hand. So, I would say, just for a few minutes, and then I'd say, okay, I need my hand now, etc. You could say, I'll lay down for a few minutes, and then say, okay, I need to sit up now. And, then sit up, but stay there for a while. Also, how many times does he wake up? He might wake less frequently as he gets older. Does he nap? Maybe he needs less daytime sleep? Does he get enough physical play/exercise to wear him out? Otherwise, I also like the idea of the floor bed in your room, so that if he wakes in the middle of the night, he can just come into your room and crash on the floor. You could even lie next to him or sit next to him, and still keep an eye on the baby.

[civilspouse]

Thanks for the replies. Great tips Urowife. Most nights he only wakes up 1-3 times, and generally goes right back to sleep after I lay down with him. He does still nap, usually 2 hours on the weekdays at daycare and on the weekends he'll sleep 2-3 hours. I'm not ready to give up naptime. We actually moved his bed, which is just a mattress on the floor right now, into our bedroom for the winter. We live in the Midwest and it's cold, we don't heat the whole house, but use a space heater in our room. We didn't feel comfortable with him alone in a room with a space heater at this age. We were planning to move him back to his room in the spring. I think I'll plan on getting a co-sleeper and hoping that I can leave the baby in there if DS needs something. In the meantime though I think I will try saying I'll lay down for a minute and work on transitioning away from laying down with him every time he wakes.

[Deebs]

I'm hesitant to post because I don't want to sound judge or make you feel bad (we've got to do what we've got to do, right?). DH and I have each seen firsthand house fires started by space heaters. Please, please, please don't leave it on while you're sleeping, if you have any other option. I know they seem greatly improved from years past, but they do cause deadly fires. I really hope you don't take offense, but this is something that I've seen the danger of firsthand.

[civilspouse]

Oh, I don't take offense at all. I appreciate you sharing your experiences. The space heater has always made me a little nervous and that is one of the reasons why we didn't want DS alone in a room with one. I will talk with DH and see if it's time for us to make a change. Part of the problem is DS refuses to use any blankets and so we feel like we have to keep it pretty warm for him. Before he came along we just used lots of blankets in the winter. Maybe DS will have to learn to cover up if he's cold or we'll have to suck it up and turn up the heater.

[HouseofWool]

Can you shut down the vents into the rooms that you aren't heating? I know that I have our temp dip down to 62 overnight.

I will say, however, that when I was living with my parents', DD's room did not have ductwork, so it got very cold at night. I did use a heater, but it was one of the oil heaters that looks like an old fashioned radiator and it was set on very low. She touched it once and that was enough to learn that it was unpleasant. Because there isn't an exposed heating element like a typical space heater, the fire risk seemed much lower to me.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

It is, HoW, at least from what I read Have you insulated all the windows with the plastic stuff? Huge time suck to do, but so very worth it. Also, if you have forced air, you can buy a "booster fan" that goes inside the duct to pull more air into a certain room. Thermal drapes? What about pre-heating his room with the space heater? DD doesn't have any toys in her room, so it wouldn't be a big deal to have her door closed during the day. Experiment with keeping his door open or closed during the day. Same with the blinds

[Deebs]

I would try to heat the room up with the space heater, vent adjustment, etc, but still turn off any space heater when you go to sleep. They're just not designed to be unattended, even the newer ones. Also, what about a onesie, feetie pjs , and a sleep sack (they even make them with feet for older kids)?

[Pollyanna]

I would try to heat the room up with the space heater, vent adjustment, etc, but still turn off any space heater when you go to sleep. They're just not designed to be unattended, even the newer ones. Also, what about a onesie, feetie pjs , and a sleep sack (they even make them with feet for older kids)?

Yes this! Lots of footy jammie options too

[civilspouse]

We'll probably start doing a combo of those things. There really isn't any reason we can't turn the heater up, we're just being cheap. We did the plastic on the windows last winter in the bedrooms and it seemed to help, we just never got around to it this year. Sadly DS usually refuses footie PJs. I have found some shirt/pant PJs that are a thick fleece and he wears those with socks and a onesis and seems pretty warm.

[civilspouse]

Well it took some convincing, but after I did some research online and had some facts to show DH he agreed no more space heater while sleeping. We will probably still use it to warm the room up before going to bed, but turn it off before we go to sleep. After reading up on it now I feel kind of stupid for putting our family in danger, but we were always careful and it seemed safe. Lesson learned.