Toddler regression

[Vishenka69]

DD3 was hit really hard by her brother's arrival. She has completely regressed with potty training and has also been insisting that she needs to be carried and fed. When I refuse to either carry or feed, she throws a tantrum but eventually gets over it. Often I don't have time to wait until she's done with her theatrics and give in. I'm sure that only encourages her. As for diapers, she asks for them and insists she want to be a baby and can't use the potty.

Anyway, how long does this last (it's been almost 5 months)? And what, if anything, I can do to speed up the process?

[SuzySunshine]

I can't speak to the regression specifically because A was younger with R was born but it took her about 4 months to get back to "normal A!"

However I was just talking with some friends about this the other day and they said they thought the age 3 years/3 months to 3 years/9 months was the WORST as far as tantrums, etc. I wan't beleiveing it until about a week ago and now R has gotten really whiny, pottying when he wants/where he wants, etc.

So in your case its probably a combination of that 3 year old emotional change and the new baby. The ONLY thing I have found that works with R is to put my fingers in my ears - I know, real mature but if I ignored him he just kept doing it. Me doing something physical to signal that I'm not listening to him and that I'm not going to address it was the only thing that worked.

Hang in there!

[MrsK]

Sounds like she's a little jealous of the attention little brother gets. K1 used to come over and slap or bite K2 while he was nursing. (And K2, when he was a little older used to demand to nurse just so he could monopolize me.) Have you tried enlisting her as a helper? She can be "second mommy" helping you to diaper and feed her brother. Praise her lots for every little thing she does to help. Such a good big sister! K1 was younger but he was very proud of himself for bringing me burp cloths or putting the baby's socks in the hamper. Also, try showing her the perks of being a big girl? Babies can't eat pizza, play with legos, go down a slide. . . Does she get any one-on-one time with you? Maybe leave the baby with a sitter and take her on a Ladies' Day Out once in a while?

[Vishenka69]

I've tried to enlist her as a helper and then praise her positive behavior, and to point out that babies don't any fun perks/food. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. She also gets plenty of alone time with one of us. I guess I'll just have to wait it out.

Sent from my BlackBerry 9360 using Tapatalk

[SuzySunshine]

Is he interacting and stuff yet? I felt when the baby became more then a blob the bigger sibling enjoyed them more too...

[Vishenka69]

He does, he loves when she enteracts with him and I praise her efforts and constantly point out how happy he is when she plays/hugs/kisses him. Basically make a big deal of positive behavior and ignore negative.

She's ok if there's more than one adult at home but that's not always doable. Worst regression is when it's only me and two of them. This is almost every morning and a few evenings a week.

Sent from my BlackBerry 9360 using Tapatalk

[MrsK]

The other day, the librarian at the branch I take the boys to observed that my sons are wonderful when I bring only one of them to story time. Doesn't matter which one but as long as there is only one, he's fabulous. When I bring both of them, at least one boy has to act up. Not always the same boy either. Seems that they start competing for my attention and one will get it by being extra cooperative while the other gets it by being extra naughty.

[spotty_dog]

I don't even think I knew you were expecting #2. Holy cow congrats!!

Threes are tough, yo. We had an entire parenting lecture last month about three year olds and how they are reaching this cusp between individuality and dependence; their brains are at a stage where language and logic don't always make a connection with the rest of their body when strong emotion is in the picture; and there is just SO MUCH INFORMATION to process in this suddenly widening world. Try to put yourself in her shoes when you can.

And you can look forward to her being four...remember Meenah's adage? "Terrible twos, trying threes...fucking fours." LOL. My DD is becoming a champ at annoying her brother and also throws some epic tantrums these days.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

And you can look forward to her being four...remember Meenah's adage? "Terrible twos, trying threes...fucking fours." LOL. My DD is becoming a champ at annoying her brother and also throws some epic tantrums these days.

Can we add "ornery ones" to the list

[poky]

He does, he loves when she enteracts with him and I praise her efforts and constantly point out how happy he is when she plays/hugs/kisses him.

If that's actually what you're saying, I can see where it might be backfiring. Why does she care how happy he is? Part of her problem is that his happiness seems to be more important than hers now, when before he came along, everything was all about her, right?

[spotty_dog]

If that's actually what you're saying, I can see where it might be backfiring. Why does she care how happy he is? Part of her problem is that his happiness seems to be more important than hers now, when before he came along, everything was all about her, right?

Eh, you've got a point. But IMO, this is a great age to start working on empathy skills. I definitely preferred to keep mommy's praise out of the picture, in order to circumvent any problems of acting one way to earn praise and rewards, and acting another way in secret out of spite (because why would mommy offer praise for things that are naturally expected, you know? If a kid eats a cookie and you ignore it but when they eat a broccoli and you shower them with praise, which thing are you telling them is horrible and yuck and hardly to be tolerated? )

[Pollyanna]

Regression at her age is completely normal regardless of a new sibling or not. The new baby just amplifies the regression and makes it more trying for you. I typically take on the regression head on, meaning, I don't fight it. I also directly assure the older child that they are still my baby and will be even when they are 42. I do this outside of any requests for attention. It just allows some reassurance to a child that is overwhelmed with all the growth and changes happening in their lives. I try and hold the older child while I nurse, give extra cuddles, and like you offer praise for the kind loving person they are. I have a variety of age differences and a 3.5 year span has been the hardest for the older sib IMO. Don't worry, it does get better.

[Vishenka69]

Thanks for all the suggestions. In her daycare, the teachers do a lot of work with them to talk about their emotions rather than act on them. So, she's been recently very focused on whether a certain behavior of hers makes me "happy" or "sad". She seems to prefer when I'm happy but that doesn't stop her from doing things that make me sad. She also definitely prefers when he laughs to his crying, although she has learned to tune him out.

Some days she likes being a big girl and some days she throws a fit when I call her that. I can never predict her reaction in advance. I'm doing my best not to fight it but it would be so helpful if she would at least act her age.

[HouseofWool]

Sadly, Dah-ling, she is acting her age. It is really hard, they are so torn between wanting the freedom and independence of big kids and the security of being a baby.

[Urowife]

Just brainstorming here since I don't know your DD. but, what if you gave in and made a big deal out of treating her like a baby. "Oh, baby's crying, I have to pick her up" yadda, yadda. Pick her up and tickle her (try to get a laugh to cajole her into a better mood). Then say something like, "oh baby must need a nap" (usually older toddlers don't want to nap, so maybe that would help snap her out of it). Also, point out when you are eating something tasty like ice cream that it's nice to be big because babies can't eat ice cream, etc.

My DD did a similar regression, although not as extreme (not with pottying, thank god). I try to play along as best I can, but I admit it's not easy.

Does your DD like to pretend? If its mealtime, maybe you could try pretending to eat like different people. Try a baby (feed her), but then try like a princess (pinkies out, all prim and proper), then try like... Hmm, as I'm writing this, I'm having trouble coming up with other ideas that won't make a mess... Anyway, like I said, just brainstorming ways to help cope with this phase as it passes. It will pass (someday, I hope!)