transition to big-kid bed

[alison]

We are late to the party! Dd will be 4 in September, and last night was night 2 of a toddler bed. We had been having a string of nights where dd was having a rough time falling asleep (stalling, calling for us to get her to read/sing/potty/you name it). She'd eventually fall asleep albeit it closer to 9-9:30pm than her usual 8-8:30 bedtime. I decided since we were having a rough time anyway, why not transition to a toddler bed. I thought we could shop for a bed and bedding together, and make it a really nice deal to sleep in the new bed.

The first night, dd came out of her room immediately and at least 4-5 times that evening. We went in and I patted her back until she fell asleep. She slept through until 8am the next morning!

The second night (last night), dh rubbed her back and she fell asleep around 8:45pm. The problem last night is that she woke up for good at 3:30am! Yikes! We couldn't get her to fall back asleep, and she's a mess this morning.

I feel like we messed up a good thing, dh is furious that dd now needs her back rubbed to fall asleep (taking 30+ minutes out of our evening in addition to the 20+ minutes of bathtime routine), and now waking up in the middle of the night and back-rubbing for 2 hours straight. Dd was always a rock for 2 minutes-put in crib-see you in the morning sleeper.

Any suggestions for how to make this transition easier? I messed it up with back-rubbing and talking her to sleep I'm afraid. In sleep deprivation stupor, I'm close to setting up the crib again. It'll be a huge hassle, because it's in 3928181 pieces in our basement, but this is brutal (in comparison to the good sleeper we've had).

TIA!

[Vanquisher]

First. Stop the long back rub immediately. Second, if she gets out of bed, take her back. Tell her its bedtime. That's it. It may be rough for a few nights, but you have to be tough.

[alison]

When dd's in preschool, I'm going to watch some super nanny clips of that to pump myself up!

[poky]

Yeah, what Heidi said. I'm not a parent, but that lines up with how it worked when I was training cats to not wake me up in the middle of the night. Be consistent, and power through the initial testing of the boundaries. I know it's hard to see when sleep-deprived, but 2 nights is just not long enough.

[SuzySunshine]

Yep,, what Heidi said - she has to know its sleep time, not play time. Its really the only way to go.

[Pollyanna]

Go with what works best for your family and your dd. it doesn't have to be one way or the highway. Typically we read stories and cuddle with our little ones. Then we give extra love and hugs and kiss them goodnight. When they come in we just calmly take them back and tuck them in. If its in the middle of the night then we pull them into our bed and try to go back to sleep. Some of our kiddos came in a lot and some barely at all. Transitioning to a big girl bed is scary. Give her a chance to adjust to the newness of it all.

[diggitydot]

4 years old is old enough to have some self-soothing skills and be able to get to sleep on their own. Do whatever works best for your family, but keep in mind that whatever you do now sets up your bedtime routine for years to come. Make sure it's something you want to keep up.

[GrayMatterWife]

First. Stop the long back rub immediately. Second, if she gets out of bed, take her back. Tell her its bedtime. That's it. It may be rough for a few nights, but you have to be tough.

This. Exactly.

With my kids, I packed up the crib, and told them: "From now on, you sleep here" and pointed to the trundle bed (trundles are full twins but really low to the ground). The first couple of nights, the kids always crawled out and walked around then slept on the floor. My night 5 or 6, it was smooth sailing.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

I think I've mentioned this before, but one of friends scared the crap out of her kids when they started sleeping in the big kid bed. She'd watch through the crack in the door and when they'd get out of bed, she would dramatically fling the door open and say "FirstName MiddleName, get in bed!" Not sure how she address night time potty issues...

[Pollyanna]

I think I've mentioned this before, but one of friends scared the crap out of her kids when they started sleeping in the big kid bed. She'd watch through the crack in the door and when they'd get out of bed, she would dramatically fling the door open and say "FirstName MiddleName, get in bed!" Not sure how she address night time potty issues...

That is just plain mean.

[ladymoreta]

Hugs! It will get better! I don't need to tell you she's strong willed, but do keep that in mind when you're getting frustrated. It will serve her well later in life! I agree with watching some Super Nanny. I love her technique.

[v-girl]

Go with what works best for your family and your dd. it doesn't have to be one way or the highway. Typically we read stories and cuddle with our little ones. Then we give extra love and hugs and kiss them goodnight. When they come in we just calmly take them back and tuck them in. If its in the middle of the night then we pull them into our bed and try to go back to sleep. Some of our kiddos came in a lot and some barely at all. Transitioning to a big girl bed is scary. Give her a chance to adjust to the newness of it all.

This is what we did.

[Vishenka69]

We put an armchair in her room and sat there with her for about 20 minutes or so until she'd fall asleep. It took about a week for her to get used to the new bed.

[MrsK]

I know you all thought I was crazy for doing this but a reward system worked for us. Of course, our dynamic is different because we have two boys sharing a room (almost 3.5yo and almost 2yo). Our problem was that one would pop out of bed (usually the little one, in which case he'd undress too) and when the other saw us putting his brother back in bed -- even if we just wordlessly picked him up and put him on the bed -- the other would jump out of bed too because he'd decide that this was attention of some sort and he wanted it also. It was like playing whack-a-mole; it lasted weeks and went on for hours every time. The boys were having a blast and we were incredibly frustrated. So, I started checking on them periodically and giving a sticker to whomever was in bed. Usually, the first time I checked, K1 was in bed and K2 would scramble back to bed once he saw his brother get a sticker. The second time, both would be in bed. The third time, both would be asleep. We still do this some nights and sometimes, if I hear a ruckus in there, I'll just call out "is it sticker time?" before entering their room to get them scrambling back to their beds. That's not to say that we don't have some bad nights from time to time but the sticker thing works well.

If you are having trouble with her waking at night, maybe get one of those alarm clocks that have a color changing light? Ours turned blue at bedtime and turned yellow at wake up time. Your daughter sounds like the sort who will stay in her bed if you tell her she cannot come out until the light turns yellow.

Also, when our boys wake before us (which they do most mornings), we tell them to wait for us in their playroom. I know that you don't have a playroom but perhaps you can lay some quiet toys our for her to play with in the mornings? That way she can occupy herself until you are ready to help her.

[v-girl]

We did rewards for the girls! Worked for them.