Digital Identity for Kids?

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

http://www.slate.com/articles/techno...ds_online.html

Discuss.

[SoonerTexan]

Good points? Yes, definitely.

A lot of the rest? Over the top. (all the pre-birth crap they did) Yeah, let's see if they do that for child #2.

It's something to re-evaluate as technology and security changes, but I'm fine having photos of my daughter on Facebook now. It's how a lot of family and friends keep up with us. I have mine set to private and pictures can only be viewed by friends. Granted, I need to go through my friends list BADLY. Our rules are no naked pics, try to remember not to post when we are out-of-town during the trip, avoid too much identifying info (house numbers) in pictures, etc. There are areas I could be better. It is always a good reminder.

But trying to keep your kids picture off the internet altogether--good luck fighting that battle. Had family pictures taken? Your photographer has probably uploaded a few to Facebook and their blog. Kid in an event at school? If it is "news' that could show up online too.

I think more damage is done with kids in the pre-teen and beyond years who have their own accounts and are putting stuff out there that isn't monitored. Snapchat? No freakin' way.

I think it is better to focus on being more diligent in what you post than not posting anything at all. And keep accounts private. I totally check out potential interns on Facebook and have been surprised when some of their pages are wide open. Yet, it gives me a little bit of a glimpse into their life and can actually be in their favor if they aren't posting crap. I actually wonder more about those who have no social media presence at all, especially if they are my age.

ETA: Omg look at the comments. It took commenter minutes to dig up all sorts of details on this kid.

[scrub-jay]

I don't post to FB. I don't reference dd either. My dd schools' have had photo agreements (which we opt out of) and I stay on FB to ensure ppl don't post pics of my children. Oh and - that is one of the main reasons we don't use a professional photographer. *shrug* To each their own. I'm a private person.

[SoonerTexan]

Scrub Jay, you are the person I thought of when I read this. You are the only person I know that does this in a complete way that actually works. Curious--what do you use to share pictures with your family? Email?

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

We definitely got DD her gmail address in her own name although I suspect gmail won't exist by the time she would use it.

I'd love to say we are super careful about this but with no family nearby, I rely on our blog and FB to keep up with family.

And even if I tried to keep her off FB, one of DHs cousins posted to DHs page within an hour of her birth (thanks to his parents, I'm STILL pissed about that). And my friends have Instagrammed photos of her too.

So SJ, do you ask friends not to post pics of the kids? Do people respect that?

[Thirteen]

I don't post to FB. I don't reference dd either. My dd schools' have had photo agreements (which we opt out of) and I stay on FB to ensure ppl don't post pics of my children. Oh and - that is one of the main reasons we don't use a professional photographer. *shrug* To each their own. I'm a private person.

I get it. I had to show my mom how to control privacy settings, and I unfriended my own grandmother. :/



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[OrionGrad]

I think it is better to focus on being more diligent in what you post than not posting anything at all. And keep accounts private. I totally check out potential interns on Facebook and have been surprised when some of their pages are wide open. Yet, it gives me a little bit of a glimpse into their life and can actually be in their favor if they aren't posting crap. I actually wonder more about those who have no social media presence at all, especially if they are my age.

ETA: Omg look at the comments. It took commenter minutes to dig up all sorts of details on this kid.

This is what we do, both for ourselves and DS. I don't pretend that social media doesn't exist, but I'm careful about what I put up.

Before DS was born we planned to have a "no photos on Facebook" policy for family members, but the intricacies of the rule (What if we're on a family vacation? What if he's in a photo with his cousins?) were too hard to police. I got tired of emailing my inlaws about it, and decided I'd just untag us from anything I didn't want us tagged in.

We do have a family blog with a password, and I store photos on Flickr, etc.

[SuzySunshine]

My opinion on this is mixed but one resource I wanted to throw out is this one: https://duckduckgo.com/

When I want to search for someone's REAL web presence I use that because if I try to use google it ties in things I know I've looked up, etc. This one doesn't save searches, track you, etc. so its a "clean" search IMO.

ETA: And I can't get firstnamelastname e-mails for either of my kids, surprising for DD5 not so much for DS3.

[scrub-jay]

Scrub Jay, you are the person I thought of when I read this. You are the only person I know that does this in a complete way that actually works. Curious--what do you use to share pictures with your family? Email?

Pretty much, most of them like prints the best but they get emails. I'm sure I'm not Amish enough, really (getting prints or Xmas cards), I just don't really like social media. I don't judge my friends who embrace it, it just feels too big brother to me. In the future I'd like to be able to teach my children the importance of their digital persona (resume really) and guide them as they navigate tricky social media waters.

[scrub-jay]

Digital Identity for Kids?

So SJ, do you ask friends not to post pics of the kids? Do people respect that?

Yes, generally. I explain that (1) weirdos go after drs kids (it happened in my college town, kid turned out fine though) and (2) I want to preserve my kids' right to make their own Internet identity when the time comes. I've had some confrontations in the past but they've gone smoothly and my friends respect my point of view (even if they don't agree for their kids.)

[MarissaNicole]

I can see why you keep things private but I think I'd have a hard time enforcing it. My cousins, family and friends post pics a lot. I didn't realize it but my sitters daughter posted a pic of her on instagram in her halloween costume last year. I'm also not a super private person. I am pretty straight forward and easy to read.

Wife to PGY4

[MarissaNicole]

I can see why you keep things private but I think I'd have a hard time enforcing it. My cousins, family and friends post pics a lot. I didn't realize it but my sitters daughter posted a pic of her on instagram in her halloween costume last year. I'm also not a super private person. I am pretty straight forward and easy to read.

ETA: I'm still somewhat careful what I post. No bath pics. Etc. I know you have to be a friend to view my instagram pics but perhaps with all the Facebook changes I need to double check my security.

P.s. only old people like us parents even use Facebook. Kids use so many other social websites now. Everything changes so quickly I am more concerned with teaching her how to protect her reputation herself.... adults post a lot but kids post even more... I don't consider myself private... but compared to teens now... I am.



Wife to PGY4

[ladymoreta]

We definitely don't follow that for our kids, but I do make decisions about what I post based on long term availability. No nude or embarrassing pictures or statuses that I wouldn't want posted about me. I also ask people before posting pictures of their kids if I don't know that they're okay with it.

ETA - I also have my Facebook privacy on high. I think as my kids get older, I'll probably restrict the albums with pictures of them as babies to family only.

[WolfpackWife]

When I think of putting myself in this position with a hypothetical future kid, I think it's different for me having grown up most of my life with some sort of internet presence (AIM Instant Messanger, MySpace, FB, etc). That said, I am sometimes taken aback by the things my friends will post about/of their kids. It's not necessarily inappropriate - I rarely see bath time pics - but...embarrassing. Invasive. I just wouldn't want to do that to my child.

I would be careful about what I'd post of my child. Likely wouldn't post often. I wouldn't narrate their every move and sentence because I just think that's unfair to them.

I wanted to add that I am often dumbfounded by some of the 'mommy bloggers' I follow (many of them I started following long before they had kids so they just evolved into mommy bloggers). With FB and Instagram, it is at least more possible to regulate the privacy or your content. But on a blog, it's just out there. And what's worse, some of the more 'popular' blogs I follow (dearbabyblog.com or dooce.com immediately come to mind) have created blogs entirely centered around their child's ever move and milestone. This woman's intention was, I think, to start a digital journal of sorts in which she started writing "dear baby" letters before her daughter was born. Her justification - her daughter could go back and read them someday. I get the sentiment...I really do. But she's putting both of her children's EVERYTHING out there. Not necessary bath pics or other photos like that...but so much of what they do, like, say, etc.

I can't help but feel like some of these popular blogs sort of "use" their children as a cast of characters. Some of them even have weekly features such as "Everly Says" or something else that features the cutest of the weekly sayings from their toddlers. It seems exploitative and, again, how can she be certain her daughter/any of their children will grow up to appreciate or understand why their parents did that? The same thing could have been accomplished by maintaining a personal, private hand-written journal or private word doc. It sometimes seems gimmicky, and at the expense of her kids.

[SuzySunshine]

I think we all should be careful and this makes me wonder if I should lock down my blog - did I ever mention here that we got a funny comment once from some guy who said, "That looks like the "DH" that I went to grade school with..." our blog is supposed to be unsearchable and my fb is also locked down. Now that our elderly grandparents are all gone I should probably put a password on it.

This also shows how easy it is to find things - new neighbors moved in this week, met the mom and her daughter on Wednesday found out her first name only and where she works. I was able to find out her full name just from that information and then thanks to fb I was able to find out her husbands' name and see that we have 2 mutual fb friends. (she's a lawyer, he's a doc) Uh huh...