Please and thank you have left the building

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

C has been saying or signing "please" and "thank you" since she was 10 months old. I have to admit, I was rather pleased with myself that she'd gotten the manners down so nicely so quickly. And because I had a momentary pride, the universe has now given me the most obstinate 27 month old who patently refuses to ever say please or thank you.

She literally is "I want, I want, I want" all the time. And this week is so much worse because we're in Orlando/Disney, the land of advertising to young and old! I have planned several fun things but the constant demands without any politesse are becoming quite grating.

I know, I know, you guys always say to "pick your battles" but this seems to me like "the mountain you want to die on". I mean, yeah, whining/tired toddler, fine, I'll let it slide. But never, ever saying please/thank you despite obviously knowing what to do (a look or a request for "the magic words" produces it instantly) is pissing.me.off.

Is this normal to have this regression? Or was she just a freak before and it's normal she doesn't say it now?

I assume the only thing to do is just to keep reminding her?

Help me, wise ones.

[Vanquisher]

Meh. To me it's no biggie. I think repeated nagging to say it at this age is 1000% normal. She was ahead of the curve before. Plus she's testing and just has better things to do now.

[scrub-jay]

For me, it's all about modeling. I would over-emphasize the behavior you want, not just to her, but also to each other. I've had way better luck with that than with direct reminders because a reminder is just an invitation for a power-control conflict.

[BonBon]

Totally agree with Heidi. It's grating but a non issue at her age. My kids still have to be reminded occasionally.



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[GreyhoundsRUs]

Her and A must have talked I would just keep reminding - at least that's what we're doing!

[Thirteen]

Our favorite sayings at 3:
"I don't like it."
"Go away."
"Don't touch me/it!"
"That's mine!"

What we are working on as alternatives (and slowly making progress):
"No, thank you."
"Excuse me:..."
"I need help, please."


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[Deebs]

I still remind my eight year old who NEVER forgets her manners. I'm guessing that's from years of having to remind my kids.


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[Ladybug]

I really think it's an impulse/develomental issue at this age. As long as you keep reminding them it's sinking in…somewhere. On good days I repeat what they should have said. On bad days I say, "Hello, Thank you? Where are your manners?" If they hear you saying them in your own everyday family conversation they will internalize them. Hold steady. It gets so much better.

[Pollyanna]

I know you want to believe differently but she doesn't even know what please and thank you mean. She was saying it before because she was conditioned to (that's not a bad thing) but now she is done with it. Like my child that said, "no, I've already done that" during potty training after she had pooped in the potty. She was done. Had no intention of doing it again in the near future and there was no amount of anything I could do to change it. I know you want a well behaved and appreciative child and I promise that she will be but saying "please and thank you" at 27 months won't be why. She will be polite and appreciative because you and your hubby will raise her to be not because she can spout the right words at the right time. I'd relax and let it go mama. You may say thank you for her but the more you push the more she will push back and this isn't really even a hill, just a speed bump that will soon be behind you.

[SuzySunshine]

R is 4, I just now feel like he gets it. If he asks for something I just ignore him or stand there at stare at him until he says please.

[mommax3]

Just model it, live life, and remind occasionally....and if you do hear a please or thank you, praise her! Even if she was still saying it regularly, I am pretty sure it would disappear (at least for a while) once she hit the teenage years! Remember that the whole parenthood thing is a marathon, not a sprint. Roll with it a little bit and know that your hard work will eventually pay off.

[Vanquisher]

I agree with Tara and Sally. Let it go!

[ladymoreta]

I agree about it being the mountain I choose to die on. We've started saying no to DS when he doesn't ask please. We explain that the answer is no because he didn't ask us nicely, and he can try again in 5 minutes. (Not that he knows when 5 minutes is, but he usually will try again a few minutes later saying please.) It seems to have helped quite a bit, but it took several weeks. For thank you, we try to make it an automatic response by handing things he's asked for (politely) to him, but we don't actually let go until he says thank you. It makes it part of the process of receiving things. It's been harder to teach "thank you" for compliments, so we just remind him when it's appropriate.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

She went to nap without lunch on Tuesday because she refused to say please that she wanted lunch. She literally steadfastly refused and went to bed hungry and it was actually DH who enforced it for the most part.

She then woke up and said please may I have lunch. I guess she got the memo.

I do not negotiate with terrorists. If she forgets fine, but I'm not allowing this as a platform for her to defy us and not be sweet.

She is mini me. She knows exactly what she's doing.