Biting Toddlers

[SoonerTexan]

N has started biting her brother. My SIL was sitting on the couch with the baby this weekend and N was over there with them. All the sudden I heard crying and my SIL said N bit him. At first I thought it was an accident because we kiss him all the time and say things like "he's so munchable" but no, it was definitely a deliberate and very hard bite. It's just now starting to fade 2 days later. Luckily it didn't break the skin.

We put her in time out in her bedroom and she said she was sorry and knew it was wrong. I was hoping it was a one time incident, but my SIL just texted me today that she did it again.

Both times she showed no aggression or annoyance and just bit him out of the blue. It's so bizarre because she has never ever showed any aggression towards him and adores him. My SIL did say that she was annoyed about 15 min earlier because she was busy feeding the baby and didn't give N a blanket she wanted.

I have no doubt it is related to the sudden disappearance of daddy--she asks where he is every day. She has been seeing him a decent amount of time in the evening, though. I think I overreacted the first time. If it happens again, I plan on firmly saying no, pointing out that it hurt BabyJ (this bothers her--she doesn't like to see him hurt) and try and redirect her. I'm instructing my SIL to do the same. Should I do anything else? I am a little concerned that she will really hurt him--toddler teeth are sharp and he is so little still!

[Thirteen]

Is it attention seeking?
Does it only happen when someone is holding J?


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[OrionGrad]

I have no advice, but I agree that the timing makes it seem like it's got to be related in some way to daddy going back to work.

[Pollyanna]

I think you have a really good plan moving forward!!

[SoonerTexan]

Is it attention seeking?
Does it only happen when someone is holding J?

I think so and yes. She has been acting out more than normal lately and it started as soon as J started residency. I wish I could be home with her. I'm missing them both a lot right now.

[MrsK]

K1 bites. He started at 11mo and continued through 3yo. He still does sometimes when he's frustrated. Turned out to be part of his SPD/sensation seeking symptoms. I know that is not helpful but I've BTDT with every aspect of biting. Prior to his dx and thereafter as well, I was advised to use a zero tolerance policy for biting. Immediate time out. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Now, if the biting is not aggressive and is simply sensory seeking, I also give him a chew necklace that is appropriate for biting but he still gets a time out, needs to apologize to the victim, etc. FWIW, he's bitten K2 more times than I can count and has never broken the skin or caused any serious injury.

[GrayMatterWife]

And...once again...I completely misunderstood the thread title.

I thought: no, don't bite a toddler. They don't taste good and are often covered in dried snot.

[alison]

I know what worked for a friend was giving her daughter things that were ok to bite/chew first thing in the morning: fruit leather, cheerios. She seemed to get her biting out of the way before she got to school.

[SoonerTexan]

I spent a lot of time with her last night and DH took extra time putting her to bed. And he is off tomorrow for the first time since he started, so maybe all the extra attention will help

[Sheherezade]

Biting Toddlers

When my tots were little and Daddy was always gone, we started the idea if Daddy Day. They both learned about the days of the week and calendars at that time, so we hung a wall calendar at their height in the kitchen and moved a cut out of Daddy to the next day he'd have to spend with them. Then we'd cross off the days as a nighttime routine. I think it helped them see that they would see Daddy again.

It's really hard, the whole Daddy thing. You want your kids to be close to their father but residency hours make that painful. These are some if my worst memories of residency and one of the only reasons I ever thought of walking out. Somehow, watching your kid suffer the loss is so much harder than suffering it yourself.

I'm sure you are reading it all right, and you've got great strategies. This too shall pass. In the meantime, keep a close eye on them!

[SoonerTexan]

^That's a good idea. Scrub Jay had good ideas too. The good news is she goes to bed late enough that she still sees him every day for at least a little while. Granted, the late bedtime might be part of the problem, but I haven't gotten my act together enough to try and switch everyone's schedules over or try and do her bedtime by myself. My kids like to stay up late and sleep in

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

It's really hard, the whole Daddy thing. You want your kids to be close to their father but residency hours make that painful. These are some if my worst memories of residency and one of the only reasons I ever thought of walking out. Somehow, watching your kid suffer the loss is so much harder than suffering it yourself.

So much this. This made intern year SO SO painful. And it's going to make the next away rotation (a year from now) even worse because she's really going to miss Daddy and will be more aware (3.5 vs. 1.5 the first time). On days when I'm home (weekends), she basically just asks for him constantly every few hours - I think she's used to him being around if I'm around since we're both more likely to be around on weekends. The best approach for us was to be fairly matter of fact about it. No acting sad, just stating the facts "Daddy's at the hospital but he misses us and will be home [tonight, this weekend, etc]". I don't ask her if she's sad or if she misses him because I don't want to emphasize that she should be sad or something. It's weird but I know my child and she's not super sensitive but would be if I told her to be (whereas other kids would be hurt by not acknowledging their sadness)...obviously every child is different but at least with C, it's helped that I normalize it for her and not make it a huge deal.

[alison]

Angie, the cutout of daddy... I think you're onto something you can market to people whose spouses have long hours. And especially with those who have sensitive kids like my M. Holy crap, she even wanted to take pictures of C and me to print out and take to Germany with her.

Poor N. I'm sure you'll figure it out in no time. She's an adorable sweetheart.

[OrionGrad]

The best approach for us was to be fairly matter of fact about it. No acting sad, just stating the facts "Daddy's at the hospital but he misses us and will be home [tonight, this weekend, etc]". I don't ask her if she's sad or if she misses him because I don't want to emphasize that she should be sad or something. It's weird but I know my child and she's not super sensitive but would be if I told her to be (whereas other kids would be hurt by not acknowledging their sadness)...obviously every child is different but at least with C, it's helped that I normalize it for her and not make it a huge deal.

This is what we do, too. This is all DS knows, so I just try to act like it's totally normal (and happy!) when I tell him Daddy is at work and we will see him tomorrow night, or whenever.
I have been thinking about moving DS' bedtime back by an hour so he's more likely to see DH at night with this current crappy rotation, but even that's not a guarantee that he'll make it home in time, so I don't know.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

On really crappy rotations, especially on weekends, we'll go and have a meal with him at the hospital. Nothing is usually so urgent he can't eat with us for 15 minutes and C likes the ball machine in the children's hospital. Saturday nights the hospital is (relatively) dead so she can run around a bit and show off for Daddy.