Mommy Match

[civilspouse]

I am finding meeting mom friends is tough (although in reality I'm not trying that hard). I think their would totally be a market for a match.com for meeting other moms. You put in the ages of your kids, your location, answers questions about your parenting style. Then you meet for a playdate. Someone should totally run with the idea .

[spotty_dog]

LOL. I was at soccer practice today feeling like I really need to brush up on my "dating" skills. I kept having these interactions with people I know and like, and realizing halfway into a conversation I was just trying to get out of, that these people who actually want to talk to me are my best chance at making solid friends! >.< I felt awkward and self-conscious about every little move...

Of course, I was crap at actually dating too.

[lovelight]

I downloaded an app that is similar to that. It has places to post questions and meet ups and shows little colored dots if they have similarly aged children to you. It's been pretty useless for me, hahaha, but if you wanna give it a whirl it's called smilemom.

I basically go to library functions and one mom's group hoping to make friends, but it's awkward and I don't know how to make the leap from seeing people at only those events to getting their contact information to do something else.


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[MrsK]

Yikes! I wouldn't want to have a match service showing people where to find women alone with small kids. There is no way of knowing whether that's really another mom reading your profile or a predator. Moms with small children are too vulnerable to do that.

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[Thirteen]

Meeting new friends is a lot like dating: I keep telling myself to talk more and "get out there," but I do not enjoy the conventional ways of bonding (i.e. Private play dates, etc) with someone I don't really know.
I need public spaces, set times, and something to leave and do if it's just not clicking.

Making friends is hard!


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[Ladybug]

When my kids were little I most hung out with other dawkter's spouses. We just had more in common, and you know they are always looking for someone to hang out with too since their spouse is working,

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I've just started to force myself to be out there more. I've asked for numbers or invited people to meet us later at the park, etc. With our new neighbors, I invited them over 10 times before they returned the favor (they were unpacking) but I kept putting myself out there and now the mom and I are good friends.

[civilspouse]

Yikes! I wouldn't want to have a match service showing people where to find women alone with small kids. There is no way of knowing whether that's really another mom reading your profile or a predator. Moms with small children are too vulnerable to do that.

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I agree MrsK. I was really just joking and thinking that making friends is hard although I'm sure their are plenty of other moms out there looking for the same thing I am. Like Lovelight said I find making the leap from seeing people at places to actually exchanging info and meeting on our own to be really hard. I just wish it was easier.


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[GreyhoundsRUs]

Honestly, I think that where you were is unique in the ease of making mommy friends. I can't tell you how many people who have moved on have complained about how hard it is "out there" (not IC). It is hard - I'm not looking forward to it next year.

[MrsK]

Actually, I don't think it's *that* hard to make mommy friends. Much easier than making couples friends. Having kids the same age really breaks the ice and most mommies are happy to chat while the kiddos play. You can usually tell after one conversation at the park whether this is someone who gets it, if their parenting style is compatible with yours, if their kids play well with your kids, if you ever want to speak to this person again. If I feel like this is someone with whom I click, I'll tell them that I enjoyed chatting and give them my card. I have business cards with my name, phone number, and e-mail. If they are really cool and seem like they are looking to get out more, I might give them a card for my moms' group too. Sometimes they follow up and sometimes they don't. I'd say I'm about 55:45 with slightly more than half of the moms at least sending an e-mail or text. Sometimes we follow up with a play date or coffee; other times we just connect on Facebook and chat again the next time we see each other. I tend to run into the same moms over and over because I go to the same places on an almost weekly basis. So, lots of people that I run into at school, temple, the library, the museum, music class, etc. When I was single, there was the "Jewish singles circuit" where I ran into the same people over and over until it seemed like there was no one left to date. Now, I'm on the mommy circuit. I try to be friendly and smile when I see familiar faces, maybe share a confidential eye roll if the boys are acting up.

Most of the mommas I meet are just as lonely and harried as I am. A lot of times, I run into people again and they at least remember that I was friendly to them. Sometimes moms I barely remember meeting will come up to me and say "Oh, I remember you! You were so nice to me at ____." They are lonely and they remember that someone reached out to them.

[MrsK]

http://www.whenathome.com/are-you-lonely-mama/

[MrsK]

Also, I want to add that iMSN has really helped me in this regard. I've never been popular or one to have a lot of women friends. But developing a sisterhood of sorts here has really helped me to find common ground with other mommas who are in the trenches. It's the "we're in this together" mentality. Motherhood, like medical training, is a choice we made that not everyone understands. Being a SAHM is especially isolating but it's temporary and we know we'll survive. Also, I think that having boys on the rowdy end of the spectrum helps too. I can't be judgmental and I weed out those moms that are judgmental pretty quickly. Not everyone has to be my BFF but being able to have a somewhat adult conversation from time to time or even a superficial friendship with that other mom you see every week at the library really keeps me sane.

[lovelight]

Mommy business cards. Never thought of that! I feel like I would be awkward giving them out. Lol. Do you have your last name on them or only first?


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[MrsK]

Mommy business cards. Never thought of that! I feel like I would be awkward giving them out. Lol. Do you have your last name on them or only first?


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It's only awkward the first few times. It's much more awkward to be fumbling for a pen or trying to put a number in your phone while your or her kids are melting down/ready to go.

DrK and I both use the cards in social situations (more often me) so I have both our names, our shared E-mail address, the home phone number, my cell phone number, and our mailing address (which is different from our home address). They come in handy in a lot of situations. Think about how often you have to relay that info. I can just hand off the card and focus on keeping the boys from wrecking havoc.

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[MrsK]

BTW, speaking of the dating comparison. .... I first made personal business cards when I was single. I hated having suitors call the office. I usually was too busy to talk at work and it was embarrassing to have my secretary receiving those calls. I made cards with my personal email address and home phone (no address); the job title was listed as "Nice Jewish Girl." Some guys didn't get the joke but DrK thought it was charming. His parents got a kick out of it too. DrK still carries my single gal card in his wallet.

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