The willful child. Or, omg the screaming.

[L.Jane]

I have the most stubborn little man ever. I mean his father and I are stubborn, so he was given a double whammy in genes but omg. Everything is screaming. EVERYTHING. Every meal is him screaming for sweet stuff. He gets excited when he sees whats for the meal and then after three bites he starts screaming and pointing to where we keep the bananas and puffs (which are out of his view but he still knows the general direction). He screams when I try to put him in the stroller. He screams if we walk in a direction that is away from the park or if we pass the library with out going in. He screams if he doesn't get what he wants. He is 12 months old. Its not like he understands that he can't have everything he wants when he wants it and he has no way to tell me exactly what he wants every time and I have no way to explain to him that he isn't going to get bananas with every meal. Have any of you BTDT mom had really obstinate pretoddlers? Any BTDT advice on how to get through meals and the day in general?

[spotty_dog]

Sign language? By age 1 my kiddos could ask for specific foods, talk about the things they were seeing (birds, planes, balls, bugs), ask to read a book or go outside, etc.

Have you read the Happiest Toddler on the Block?

[HouseofWool]

I second using sign language. It helped tremendously and didn't negatively impact verbal development.

[L.Jane]

We've started sign language but the only thing he will use is"more" and he uses it for everything. He hasn't begun to talk. No first words at all. He is very smart in he understands where things are, how to open doors and what not, but in other ways he is taking his time picking up skills.

[scrub-jay]

The willful child. Or, omg the screaming.

Yes to the sign language, being able to communicate helped. But as for learning to be graceful w/treats & rewards, we are just very consistent that no means no, always, every time. My mom used to tell me that with kids "once is a habit" so we just try to keep consistent and if we do get off track on something, we go cold turkey for a few weeks (no treats at all) until we can learn our boundaries again.

ETA: For example, if my toddler cries for other food during dinner (say tangerines), we simply say "sorry, this is what's for dinner. It's okay to be disappointed, but this is what we're having. No tangerines for dinner" and after several weeks of this, absolutely never giving in, they figure out its just not going to happen.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Mine won't sign. They seem to learn to sign, right as their learning to speak. they weren't those kids are picked up signing way before speaking.

I definitely second the consistency piece, it's hard in the short-term but is very helpful in the long term. He sounds pretty bright so I imagine He will pick it up pretty quick even if it is a painful for a few weeks. I also remove D from situations when she starts fit. So if any example you gave she started pointing and yelling towards bananas, I popper out of the seat and say dinners all done. Then when she calms down a little bit after a few minutes away from the table I ask her she wants to try again and we repeat. It's been helpful to help her understand that we believe the situation if you're not going to be able to act properly.

[ladymoreta]

I agree with Happiest Toddler. Make sure he knows you know what he's wanting, so he doesn't get frustrated thinking you misunderstand. Then answer yes or no, and absolutely stick with it. "Bananas? You want a banana. I see that you want a banana, but the answer is no. No banana right now. We'll have one at breakfast."

If he's throwing a fit, I think it's fine to remove him until he's calm. "No screaming at the table. When we're at the table, we eat, talk, and sit quietly. If you can't calm down, then you need to take a break. Let's move your chair over here to the corner until you can calm down."

Always keep calm yourself. They escalate when you do, so keep it all matter of fact, but never back down once you've answered.

[scrub-jay]

Oh and please remember that you are not alone! I promise.

[OrionGrad]

Oh and please remember that you are not alone! I promise.

+1
Definitely not alone!

[Thirteen]

I removed DS1 from the situation, even if it meant turning him around in his stroller or high chair to "face away" in settings where we couldn't physically remove him.
Sign language, yes, but they still scream and sign. So many, many instances of signing "Finished" while screaming... *sigh*

You are so very normal! I'm sorry he's being difficult.

[gem]

Agree making sure you acknowledge that you understand what he wants. Even if the answer is "no". But my strong willed (and strong lunged) toddlers were enraged by "no" so I always tried to formulate in a positive way......Oh you want to get out of the stroller? Well you can get down and walk as soon as we get back home. You want the chocolate for breakfast? I love chocolate too, let's have chocolate milk for afternoon snack.

[L.Jane]

Thanks everyone. I tried the turning the chair around and then removing him from the chair and returning 10 minutes later for dinner this evening. We got through it. It didn't help when my husband went to the fridge and took out a string cheese. That sent him into fits and it was totally unfair. I really need to get my act together so we can all eat dinner together. The problem is, he only wants to eat from our plates. Even if I take something off my plate and put it on his. He just thinks we are getting something better. I know its going to be a long road but I really appreciate everyone's advice.

[Sheherezade]

We've started sign language but the only thing he will use is"more" and he uses it for everything. He hasn't begun to talk. No first words at all. He is very smart in he understands where things are, how to open doors and what not, but in other ways he is taking his time picking up skills.

My 18 year old college freshman was just like this. He mastered "this" and "that" early and communicated by pointing, saying one of his two words and screaming if things went wrong for him.

My advice is to talk, talk, talk. Even if they can't communicate well, they understand. Talk his ear off. Treat him like he's got laryngitis and you are trying to "get it" from what he's doing. That's kind of the case.

If it's any comfort, I think this is a sign of a great kid. You just have to get past this non communicative stage. The real trouble will start when he can combine stubbornness with logic and words.


Angie