Weaning a Toddler

[MrsK]

Any tips? Lambie turned 2yo in January and she's showing no signs of weaning. I've been nursing for 6 years and, while weaning my last is bittersweet, I'm ready to start the process. Each of my boys self-weaned when I was pregnant with my next baby.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I've heard good things about "don't ask, don't refuse". So don't ask if they want to nurse but don't refuse them if they're desperate. When they're calm and they ask for it, offer them other things and try to delay/stall nursing as much as possible while not outright refusing. The other thing to try is to cut back to only morning/evening initially (i.e. when the sun is awake, milk is asleep...milk is only for when it's dark out!) which will naturally wean her as the days get longer.

I've never done it but my SIL has weaned 2 3-year-olds and those tips both worked for her.

[MrsK]

I've heard good things about "don't ask, don't refuse". So don't ask if they want to nurse but don't refuse them if they're desperate. When they're calm and they ask for it, offer them other things and try to delay/stall nursing as much as possible while not outright refusing. The other thing to try is to cut back to only morning/evening initially (i.e. when the sun is awake, milk is asleep...milk is only for when it's dark out!) which will naturally wean her as the days get longer.

I've never done it but my SIL has weaned 2 3-year-olds and those tips both worked for her.

Right now, we're pretty much just at bedtime. I don't nurse outside of the house any more (though she sometimes asks at the most inconvenient times). As soon as bed time rolls around, she starts pulling me and begging to nurse. I've tried reading to her, cuddling, discussing how she's a big girl and we can still have special time together at bedtime without nursing ....she starts baby talking "goo goo ga ga" and insisting she's a baby. If I go out at bedtime, she waits up for me.

[Michele]

What about offering to nurse her when the sun's up? That's what I did. Then she will probably be too busy once she wakes and starts playing with her brothers or getting involved with the day.... I told them I would rock and hold, but milk would be for when the sun came up. I didn't say morning...I said sun. That way I wasn't getting woken up at 3pm like hey its morning and milk time! Of course mine still wake up in the middle of the night and look for me.

[MrsK]

Of course mine still wake up in the middle of the night and look for me.

I've got 2 kids in my bed every morning. Usually, Lambie comes in around 1am. Then one of the boys will come in around 4. I usually don't notice when they come in even thought Lambie nuzzles into me or puts her arms around me. I've told DrK to move Lambie back to her bed if she wakes him when she comes in (he's a light sleeper). She's really attached to me, thinks she needs me to hold her when she sleeps.

[Michele]

The youngest *usually* ends up in my parents bed. The middle guy is half and half mine and his own. The big guy only looks for me with nightmares. We haven't found a reward that keeps them in their beds. The boys stay in their beds at their dad's and DD goes to her brothers room in the middle of the night.

[civilspouse]

We were just down to nursing at night when DD was 2. I tried a number of things but eventually just went cold turkey. There were tears but I just loved on her and snuggled her and after a couple nights she was fine. I wanted a more gentle method but they just weren't working for her.


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[SoonerTexan]

My two oldest were both younger, but offering them another drink and redirecting to another activity helped. They stopped asking pretty quickly


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[Thirteen]

Reading this one, and taking gems. DS2 is about 18 months, and every time we start to slow down, he cuts teeth. :/ He finished 1st yr molars and his I-teeth, so I thought we were moving towards 2 feeds-ish a day. Wrong!
His 2 yr molars are coming in early (just like DS1). Back to all the comfort nursing...
I keep telling myself we'll get there. DS1 self-weaned around 14 months, so this is new territory.


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[gem]

I am in the process of weaning my almost-three-year-old. We started "don't offer, don't refuse" at 18 months, "only at home" at 2 years, but he didn't show any signs of losing interest in bedtime or morning sessions, and by 2.5 I was really done because it wasn't nursing anymore, it was a full on wrestling match. He was frustrated he wasn't getting much milk, and developed horrid nursing manners. I waited for a time when the rest of his life was fairly stable (no illness, no travel, no preschool class changes, no visitors, etc.), and I gave him about a weeks' notice that we were going to stop. Then we had a party, with cake and all to celebrate being all done with nursing. He gave up bedtime pretty easily, but woke up at 5 begging to nurse and throwing a tantrum every.single.morning for SIX WEEKS. (I've been told he's strong-willed). We're about eight weeks out now, and he's down to asking every other or every third day. So I don't know if I have any advice that "worked' per se, but here are a few things I learned:

-Unlike my first son, this DS did not respond well to the allure of being a "big kid." Whenever a well-meaning grandparent would push no nursing as an exciting big boy thing, he pushed back. He frequently told me, "Babies nurse. I am your baby. I nurse." He is my baby, and I had no intention of taking that away from him. I had to be careful to reassure him that even when we were all done nursing, he would still be mommy's baby.

-I had to sleep in high-necked shirts, tucked into PJ pants for no accidental access. Nevertheless, snuggling through the 5 am wake up didn't work. To distract from the possibility of nursing, we had to get up and play. Oh I drink so much coffee.

-While it was mostly for comfort, I think DS was still nursing for nourishment. I had to add a pre-bedtime snack and really have to push water and milk in the evening or he complains of being thirsty several times throughout the night.

-Lots of extra snuggling at non-nursing times. If he expressed sadness about not nursing, I tried to acknowledge that. While we attempted to spin it as a positive new milestone, it was bittersweet, for him and me.

Good luck!

[alotofyarn]

E was down to only bedtime nursing when I weaned her at 17 months. For about a week we did the whole don't ask, don't refuse, and she asked all but one night. I also waited until the second time she asked, always redirecting after the first. Then basically I was gone for 2 nights, and after that she pretty much stopped asking.

I'm still hoping C goes back to nursing. I latch him at least once a day to make sure he remembers how, and he's still able to transfer, he just falls asleep. I haven't tried actually replacing a feed yet, I just let him snack in between bottles if he seems hungry. I at least want to get him nursing at night so I can cut out the bottle feeding and pumping.

[spotty_dog]

I barely remember any more how it went down, LOL. Okay, found an old journal. After she turned two, I started cutting daytime feeds by distraction. Once she was down to just bedtime and 4am, I just rolled with it for a while, basically don't offer/don't refuse but only letting her nurse for a very limited time. Then one night (she was 2 years 4 months) she didn't ask. So instead I gave her a small snack of cut-up grapes, and a sippy of cow milk, and she said good-night to me and that was it. After that our new bedtime routine was a small snack and a pile of books and a quiet room for her to settle herself to sleep. (This probably did not help her dental health, but eh.) I think she asked halfheartedly, and I said no, about two or three more times after that.

[MrsK]

I barely remember any more how it went down, LOL. Okay, found an old journal. After she turned two, I started cutting daytime feeds by distraction. Once she was down to just bedtime and 4am, I just rolled with it for a while, basically don't offer/don't refuse but only letting her nurse for a very limited time. Then one night (she was 2 years 4 months) she didn't ask. So instead I gave her a small snack of cut-up grapes, and a sippy of cow milk, and she said good-night to me and that was it. After that our new bedtime routine was a small snack and a pile of books and a quiet room for her to settle herself to sleep. (This probably did not help her dental health, but eh.) I think she asked halfheartedly, and I said no, about two or three more times after that.

See, that's how I'd like it to go down. Instead, if I even hesitate, she becomes hysterical.

[Howfunitis]

I weaned my first at 18 months. She was already down to two 5 min nursing. One in the morning and one in the evening. For a week I distracted her from the morning one but she kept asking for the evening one. Until finally I told her that mommy doesn't have any more milk but I had milk in a cup for her and it was two weeks of that and she weaned. I left to Italy, I came back and she asked to nurse. I felt guilty and nursed her for a week before I told her again that mommy stopped making milk