Attitude and 4 year olds...

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Eye rolling, acting exasperated, and barely making eye contact.

Please tell me this is a phase and she's not going to act like this for the next 10 years...

I'm trying to ignore and react calmly but I'm not appreciating being made to feel ridiculous for standard and appropriate requests by a FOUR YEAR OLD!!!

It's so strange because the 80% of the time she doesn't act like this, she's pretty sweet. But this 20% is not enjoyable.

[ladymoreta]

I call mine out on it. Not sure if it helps. Hers is more sighing and foot stomping. Unacceptable.

[Michele]

I think it's a 4yo girl thing....but mine still does it some at almost 6yo.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

We get the occasional foot stomp as well. I just want my kid back. You don't have to like everything but the acting like you're 15 is annoying.

[MrsK]

K2 has been the most obnoxious 4yo but just at home. He deliberately antagonizes everyone and has a miserable temper. He turned 5 last week. I'll let you know if it gets better.

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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I just don't know if I should ignore it it call her on it.

[MrsK]

Call her on it

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[Pollyanna]

My advice is to first stop thinking its acceptable at any age. Eye rolling, attitude, etc is not a "teen" thing, don't expect it, make them aware right now that they are better than that and you and your dh expect better. This is the type of behavior that is simply not allowed. Call her on it BUT help her to learn other ways to respond when she is frustrated. We will act it out and try other ways to respond. Usually by the end the kids are laughing because they see how different approaches calm a situation. Sometimes everyone is crying too, lol, but with practice everyone learns and gets better.

[Thirteen]

My advice is to first stop thinking its acceptable at any age. Eye rolling, attitude, etc is not a "teen" thing, don't expect it, make them aware right now that they are better than that and you and your dh expect better. This is the type of behavior that is simply not allowed. Call her on it BUT help her to learn other ways to respond when she is frustrated. We will act it out and try other ways to respond. Usually by the end the kids are laughing because they see how different approaches calm a situation. Sometimes everyone is crying too, lol, but with practice everyone learns and gets better.

We do something similar, but now have a zero tolerance policy on bad attitudes and poor manners. (Our DS5 is in "manners boot camp" at home)

Lots of identifying the emotion, explaining the emotion is okay, but the response is not.
We also talk about loving our children, emphasize they are not in trouble for feeling "angry" "sad" "frustrated", etc., but they will have consequences if there is an outburst of sass, back talk, the ever-popular "No! scream...

If he or she cannot control the response or use words, then the offender is excused until otherwise.



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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

My advice is to first stop thinking its acceptable at any age. Eye rolling, attitude, etc is not a "teen" thing, don't expect it, make them aware right now that they are better than that and you and your dh expect better. This is the type of behavior that is simply not allowed. Call her on it BUT help her to learn other ways to respond when she is frustrated. We will act it out and try other ways to respond. Usually by the end the kids are laughing because they see how different approaches calm a situation. Sometimes everyone is crying too, lol, but with practice everyone learns and gets better.

I was hoping you'd chime in. Can you be more specific. For example, today I asked her to clear her place after breakfast (a very reasonable expectation) and I got a huff and an eye roll and a slooooooow movement to do the task.

So how would you handle with a role play?

[HouseofWool]

I'm not sure that I would roll play extensively in this case. I might mimic her behavior back and say that it is not acceptable. Explain that everyone in the house is expected to help and parrot the response you want. (Yes, momma. Etc). Then ask her to try again.

[SoonerTexan]

Yeah, it happens over here too.

"I don't want to clean my room"

"Mommy, I just don't WANT to pick up. It's not fun"

"Mommy, I'm not going to do that"

Or my personal favorite, "I'm just too tired." It's my favorite because the 2 year old has started repeating her in the most hilarious contexts: "Mommy I'm just too tired to go to bed"

I think they are just testing boundaries. I just say "no" and move on, with loss of privileges if needed. Sometimes trying to build empathy seems to work too "How would you feel if I made you clean up my mess" etc.

[Pollyanna]

I was hoping you'd chime in. Can you be more specific. For example, today I asked her to clear her place after breakfast (a very reasonable expectation) and I got a huff and an eye roll and a slooooooow movement to do the task.

So how would you handle with a role play?

It would depend on how the morning was going. If I had time for role playing I would stop her and say, "you are absolutely not going to be disrespectful to me, huffiness and eye rolling are not acceptable in our home. Lets practice what I expect you to do" Then I would play both parts (mom and kid and add some silliness in) and then I would ask her to try it. Usually my kiddos will go along. If they refuse I just put them in another room until they are ready to join in. If we are in a hurry or if I just don't have the energy to role play it would be a very swift down on her level, "we DO NOT behave that way in this home. There will be no eye rolling, no attitude. You may not feel like clearing your plate but I don't always either but it is what needs to be done and I know you are capable of helping out. Are we clear?" Then it would be the end of the story and I'd just move on with the day. You're never going to have time to role play all the time and it's okay to just lay down the law. Now I am very judicious about what things I are firm about. Disrespect, attitude, unkindness; those are met with swift justice. I simply won't have it and I promise being firm in those areas pays off greatly in the future. But I give lots of grace in areas of messy rooms, play areas, etc. Those things are not important to me in the grand scheme of things. If there are too many things that you are really strict with then its like ripping off a bandaid too many times, your words loose their "stickiness", kwim? You need to decide what areas are no goes for your family, ours are morality and safety (I like simplicity ).

On the eye rolling or similar, if its already established to be a no go area and there is a little slip its okay to just say, "Omgoodness, I know I didn't see my girl roll her eyes did I?" Just an easy reminder that I know whats going on but don't need to go through the whole lecture/role playing

She's going to be awesome!! She is in the "wild and wonderful" stage, most of it will be wonderful!

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

It's just so frustrating. Everything is a complaint, a sigh, an eye roll.

She's been at camp all week and it's frankly insulting that she's so rude when our family is sacrificing to send her to camp. For crying out loud, I asked for her camp tuition for my birthday!!! Stop acting put out about a dish!

I agree that this disrespectful behavior is absolutely non negotiable in our house. I'm constantly giving warnings/asking her to say please, etc and I'm just over it. I need her to act nicely sometimes.

Otherwise I'll just go back to work. Because at least I can get paid for being treated so rudely.

[Thirteen]

I'm not sure that I would roll play extensively in this case. I might mimic her behavior back and say that it is not acceptable. Explain that everyone in the house is expected to help and parrot the response you want. (Yes, momma. Etc). Then ask her to try again.

👍👍


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