Toddler sleep

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Ok people, I need help...I"m obviously doing this wrong. As background, ALL of our kids have been nightmare sleepers. No one slept a longer stretch than 3 hours until 11 months. R didn't sleep 8-4 AM until about a month ago.

But, the girls had smoothed out their naps by now. And he's just not. And I'm finding myself increasingly frustrated to the point of real anger. Like GO TO SLEEP.

So, right now, he's sleeping from about 8:30 or 9 PM until 4 or 5 AM. He gets in bed at 7 and it routinely takes him over an hour of falling asleep. I nurse him, leave the room, and then we begin this ridiculous dance of me checking in and leaving with him screaming every time I go back in. Last night at 9:15, I just left and he screamed for another 30 minutes and eventually feel asleep. I just can't anymore.

Wakeups: he's waking up between 4 and 5. If I nurse him, he'll go back to sleep and sleep with me until 7 when I get up. If I get up to run and am not available, he'll just wake up DH (who is getting up to leave anyway) and stay awake with me. So basically...if he's not on the boob or touching me, he won't sleep after 4 AM.

And now naps. I'm trying to transition him to one nap since that'll be what he does at preschool. He will be tired to the point of exhaustion and go right to sleep after lunch but will sleep for ONE hour and then wake up. Now if I go in there and nurse him, he will doze fitfully at the breast until I remove it at which point he's awake.

I'm REALLY REALLY over spending 2-3 hours a day getting this child to sleep. But that's not enough sleep for a baby. It's just not. You can't take a one hour nap and only sleep from 8-4 AM. I'm literally desperate to get a damn minute to do ANYTHING other than work or get this child to nap.

Please help. I think I might have to start hard core crying it out at night. Just leave and let him cry until he gets tired. Coming in and out seems to rile him up more. But I don't know what to do about naps. Will school help or further create a problem?

[OrionGrad]

I don't think you necessarily have to do CIO, unless you want to, but it sounds like your best bet might be to pick a sleep method (Sleep Lady Shuffle, Ferber, No Cry, etc.) and then just stick to it, stick to it, stick to it. Even if it seems like it's not working, just give whichever method you choose time.
With J I tried all the different methods, because I kept thinking whatever we were doing wasn't working, and it took months of sleep training before his sleep improved. With T we stuck with Sleep Lady Shuffle and it worked much faster. I guess I should mention that with both boys, I ended up having to cut out nursing to sleep completely before their sleep improved. It felt a little like jumping off a cliff, since that's how they both would fall asleep 100% of the time, but it was necessary for us.

[SoonerTexan]

Please help. I think I might have to start hard core crying it out at night. Just leave and let him cry until he gets tired. Coming in and out seems to rile him up more. But I don't know what to do about naps. Will school help or further create a problem?

FWIW, we finally did this with Nate when he was about 14 months because me being in the room pissed him off. I don't recall all that much crying after a few days. It's hard to remember now. That and I think I sent daddy in to deal with him exclusively for a few weeks. I'm still absolutely out on CIO before 6 months...but at around a year...they're just being pissy at that point. How motherhood has changed me We never let them go for an extended amount of time (after 30 minutes it was clear they would just keep going. My kids are stubborn), but a little bit seemed to help.

The other thing--are you willing to wean him? I've never gotten a child to sleep through the night without weaning, so I have no idea how to work that in. The problem is it seems like your dude is nursing way more than mine ever were at that point. After a year, I stopped having a let down reflex with all three.

I'm not going to lie...it is pretty magical to have nighttime bedtime take 10 minutes. He's my easiest child to put to sleep. And naps is me literally rocking him for a few minutes and laying him down wide awake with his favorite blankie and stuffed animal. It's becoming apparent that upcoming 2nd birthday is going to make this all a lot more complicated soon, but for now? Absolutely magical.

Downside--he sleeps in a crib. And nowhere else. Rarely in the car (except on long trips). Not on me. Not on a couch. Not in a stroller. Not in the carrier.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I'm starting to think I have to wean. I'm willing to try CIO at bedtime at this point. I'm getting too frustrated and I'm sick of 15+ months of laying in the dark for bedtime for an hour plus. There's like a flip switched in me where I'm like totally fine until 12ish months to do that and now I am OVER it.

I guess I'll try that before weaning but I think I need o consider that if it won't work.

Any suggestions on naps? This just sucks. He's howling at my feet right now because he's so tired he can't see straight but if you think I'm putting him down for a nap now...just no. He will be up until midnight.


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[OrionGrad]

I just wanted to chime in and say both J and T slept through the night without weaning. Every kid is different!

IIRC we did the same thing with naps as bedtime. (I just followed the routine in the SLS book.) I know there were some tears, but not too bad. I was/am very regimented in making sure naps happen at the exact same place and time each day. The downside is, like ST, my kids can't sleep anywhere besides the crib.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

The problem with the SLS is that it seems to ramp him up. Like I've been going in when the cries die down to "reward him" for calming down and he just freaks out again when I leave. Sadly, I think I'm going to have to go cold turkey.

Naps are a problem because depending on the day, it's me or the nanny. He seems to go down better for her. I'm hoping school helps because the teachers will be getting them to nap on mats. So maybe he will learn to go to sleep without my nipple/being cuddled by the nanny.


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[MrsC]

I'm sorry, we're going through the same thing and it's horrible. Monday night R woke 7 times in 6 hours.
The SLS didn't work for C either so we kind of let him cry it out. He never cried for more than 15 minutes so it wasn't too bad. 30 minutes would be my limit, personally. That was at 18 months. Before that we kind of did what you're doing, brought him into bed when he woke at 5am.
As for naps, R takes 2 or 3, 20 to 40 minute naps. We'll have to work on this once school starts for C. The only places he will fall asleep without nursing are in the car seat or his highchair. If he's showing signs of tiredness, I move the chair into the office, recline it and turn on some ocean sounds. Sometimes he'll fuss a little but will usually sleep. I think that eating a little when he's very tired actually soothes him, which is why he starts falling asleep in the chair. I rarely put him to nap in the crib. It's not even worth it when he'll be awake in 20 minutes anyway.
I bet your little guy will do better at preschool, taking cues from other kids etc. Plus, it's pretty exhausting for them.

How can they get by on so little sleep though? It's crazy!

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[niener]

Oh man, *hugs* because good grief bad sleepers take a toll on your sanity so. freakin. much. Our DD has always fought sleep no matter how tired she is -- she's the kind of kid that just doesn't want to miss anything. Sometimes she's more dramatic than others. It became very clear to us that our presence was only making DD more agitated as well (I forget what age it was exactly but she was less than a year) and at that point we just let her CIO. It sucked for like a week or two, she'd scream cry for an hour or more some nights before she'd eventually fall asleep but aside from an occasional developmental-milestone-appropriate regression she's been a rock star sleeper since. I might still hear her singing or talking to herself for a while after leaving her room but the drama has ceased. Nighttime was easier than naps, if she scream-cried up until she fell asleep for a nap she'd typically wake up 45min later just as grumpy as before. For naps if she cried for more than 30 min I'd just go get her up and move her bedtime back that night by like half an hour or so. I wasn't breastfeeding though so I can't speak to experience on that front.

[Howfunitis]

Have you tried a bottle? I'm no help at all. I'm sorry. I parent way different therefore I rarely have had problems with my girls and sleep training. My problems are now as a soon to be 4 year old that doesn't want to sleep in her own bed at night. But my 17 month old has been sleeping through the night since she was 8 months. (I swear I'm not boosting) but I'd try giving a bottle before bed and see if that helps and maybe a later bedtime? I know we wait anywhere between 2-15min depending on age and the type of cry before we go in. Hugs!!!!


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[alotofyarn]

C is a pretty terrible napper right now. He goes down easily, but he wakes up several times, and after the third time or so, usually about an hour in, he's just done and nothing will help. I'm not willing to let him cry for more than a few minutes. I think he naps better at school though.

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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Well he's napped for 90 minutes plus for the nanny several times. But I think school might be my only hope!!

Starting to do CIO tonight.


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[SoonerTexan]

I know your husband has to get up early, but it might really really help if you don't make an appearance at all. They are such terrible little beasts for their mothers!

[MrsC]

Godspeed!

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[OrionGrad]

Good luck tonight!

[scrub-jay]

Solidarity!! Stay strong Mama!