potty training help

[alison]

I started and stopped potty training dd2 a few months ago, and she’s 3.5 now. I decided that since we had no where to be on Christmas Day and this whole week, that I’d do a potty training boot camp. So I told her Santa took her diapers to babies who need them, and put some panties on her. She had 2 accidents on Christmas Day, and has been potty trained for pee ever since then! Poop is another story. She poops in her panties, and when I tell her to go in the potty, she just tells me she’ll do it in her panties thank-you-very-much. Today she had 3 poop accidents.

Now I’m going back to the reward system, and offering her 2 prizes for poop in the potty. That doesn’t seem to entice her. Any other ideas? I think she just doesn’t get the mechanics of sitting and pooping yet, and we also have her on miralax for constipation.

[alotofyarn]

I don't have any great advice, but it took E a lot longer to figure poop out than it did pee. She didn't really poop much in her panties though, she'd just throw a fit and refuse to poop at all until we gave her a pull-up or a diaper. Eventually we ended up just ignoring her when we knew she had to go, and she started going in the potty, but I know that doesn't help you much. But I do think it's normal for poop to take longer to figure out. Would buying cheap ugly panties and throwing them away help, and letting her pick out some fun ones that she can only have if she goes poop free for a certain amount of time? Or letting her poop in the fun ones one time and throwing those away and put her in ugly ones until she can get it?

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Yes to throwing out poop underwear. Dollar store undies usually come in characters and D really did not like when they got thrown away.


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[alison]

Thanks, you two. Potty training is my parenting Achilles heel. I haaaaate it, and suck at it. Yes, to the cheap panties. She was pooping in the Peppa Pig panties that she loves (hell, I like them too—gahh, what’s wrong with me?!).

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Also, because I am evil, when D learned to poop in the potty but preferred to poop in her pull up at nap, I eventually told her (after 6 months) that she couldn't go to preschool (which she desperately wanted) until she stopped pooping in her pull up. I wouldn't do it until it's been a WHILE and you know she can do it since that's cruel if it's before she can do it. But once I know for a fact that you can do it and you're now just pooping in your pull-up because you like it better....no, no my friend.

[PrincessFiona]

Potty training. Ugh. I took my kids into the bathroom with me when I went. I took advantage of willing older siblings and let them be potty examples too. I know with Andrew what worked was having him go to preschool where his peers were potty trained. Man. Those days. We have a poop song and dance. I bribed. I feel your pain.


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[Thirteen]

A week before DS1’s birthday, he announced he needed to poop, and simply went to the toilet. He was almost 4. The previous 6 months were pure hell.

DS2 turned 3 in Sept. I am not even trying. He will probably be close to 4 himself before he just “gets” it.


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[alison]

I just don’t want C to withhold her poop. She’s already got pooping issues as it is, that I don’t want her to keep it in if she feels like I’m harping on her to do it there not here nor here nor there, JUST there. She hasn’t had a pee accident since Christmas Day, and today I got a sitter for her so that I could have some one-on-one time with her poor sister who’s been stuck at home throughout this whole process. Of course the moment I was singing her praises, she got all stressed out by us leaving that she had an accident. Oh well.

How do you know when to put a pull-up on them for poop? Was yours asking for one, T&S? Or was she pooping regularly at nap time?

[alison]

Thirteen, I prefer to wait until as long as humanly possible to potty train. 3.5 is so much more sane than 3 or 2.5. 4 is probably saner.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Regularly at nap.


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[alison]

Yeah, we don’t have that regularity. Otherwise I’d probably sit her on the potty with an iPad until the poop came. We’re sort of all over the map with poo, and I don’t want her in a pull-up for several hours. I hope we’re getting closer—I bought my girls retractable lollipops. Such a silly thing, but C was like “gimme gimme gimme!!” when she saw M with hers. And we did the whole “if you poop in the potty, this magic lollipop could be yours.”

[alison]

Still pooping in her panties. She just doesn’t care that is a stinky mess, nor that her panties are going in the trash. I told her she could have any prize she wants for it. Anything. Anything!!! And she said no. So I’m trying this new thing where once she poops, I swoop in there and yank her away from whatever fun she’s having. And then I take my sweet time cleaning her up. I hope this gets her thinking that it isn’t worth it to poop in her pants. Ugh. So tired of cleaning poop. She goes so often—maybe 2-3 times/day.

[spotty_dog]

That's pretty much the type of natural consequences I had to do around the same age. I always did feel like cleaning poo quickly, so they don't get used to the feeling of squishing in it, only helped in the long run. So when she was having a streak of accidents it was a VERY fast, "OH you poor DEAR that must feel AWFUL to have poo in your pants and not in the POTTY where it BELONGS. Let's clean you up RIGHT away!" I also had her help me clean the floors if necessary.

But ultimately for my DD what I ended up doing was to put her back in diapers. Since we're cloth diaperers, I chose the BIGGEST bulky overnight diaper I could put together, so big she had to waddle to walk with it. I wasn't punitive, just matter-of-fact, "If we can't keep poop in the potty and off the floor, we need to use diapers until we can. That's what diapers are for." It took doing this about twice (and also giving her lots of opportunity for success by reading to her while she sat -- I think they really do lose track of their body sensations while they're busy, around this age) but we got back to reliable pretty fast.

It's definitely enough to make you lose your...shit?!

[Thirteen]

It’s so damn tedious, parenting. I have missed you and am so glad you’re back (even if it is due to sucky potty training experiences).

You’re not doing it wrong, it’s just hard, and I wish I could give good advice to help.


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[JaneDoe]

My ds (4 y/o) is at the exact same stage as your dd. He’s fully potty trained with respect to #1, but still poops in his underwear without fail. Yuck! He will go to a different room “to play” when he needs to poop. I asked him why he doesn’t want to poop in the potty and he tells me “it’s boring”. I’ve offered an iPad to him while he sits on the potty and it doesn’t entice him. I’ve offered other activities to address boredom, like me reading him a book, trucks (his favorite), counting with him (something else he loves to do) and so far nope. Gah! I hate potty training.

I realize my track record with potty training sucks so take my only suggestion with a grain of salt. Perhaps you could ask her why she doesn’t want to poop on the potty to see if she is afraid of something or is it that she just doesn’t want to stop what she is doing. If she is able to verbalize an answer you can then get at it from that angle.