Boys will be boys

[Vanquisher]

My son, for a little background, is about as perfect a child as one could hope for. He never gets in trouble, gets straight A's on every report card, citizenship awards, good kid. He is very logical and sees things in black and white for the most part, hates doing anything wrong or anything that would dissapoint an adult. He has his weaknesses, but for the most part, I couldn't ask for a better kid, and neither could his teachers.

I just got a call from him at school. He was miserable, crying, and in the "hugest trouble ever!" Apparently, he was looking up words in the dictionary, and came across the word "ass." Thinking this was funny, as a nearly 10-year-old boy would, he showed it to some other classmates. "Look what is in the dictionary!" Apparently, this caused quite the little 4th grade commotion.

My son, "I don't know why I did it!" Wail, cry, moan. "I'm so sorry. I am in huge trouble."

His teacher said this this was a "write-uppable offense" but that she wasn't going to write him up for it because she is calling me to let me know about it, and as long as her parents work with her to let the child know when they have done something wrong like this, she will forgo the writeup. Oh, no, please don't write my 9-year-old up for looking up ass in the dictionary!! Please. I said, "Okay."

I told Ryan I would talk to him about it when he got home, and things were going to be okay, but he was pretty inconsolable. I wonder where he gets that from? :huh:

C'mon. Am I the only one who thinks this is retarded? Seriously? Whatever. The kid is so not gettng in trouble at home because he looked up the word "ass."

Am I off the mark here, or are they?

[alison]

Re: Boys will be boys

Give me a break! "Ass," as in donkey?

In our German classes we have students looking up bad words in their German-English dictionaries and disrupting class with these words. You just ignore them and move on. 99.9% of the time, it isn't that they're looking for attention, but that while they're looking for assigned words, they come across other stuff.

It's also a sign that teachers aren't doing their jobs properly - namely, that I have given too much time on a given task, and students' eyes start to wander onto other, more interesting things in the dictionary!

[poky]

Re: Boys will be boys

Hehheh..hehheh....it says "ass"

Now that my Beevis and Butthead moment is over...

To me, the offense is not looking the word up, or even thinking it was funny, but sharing it with the other boys and causing a disturbance. I mean, if he hadn't done that, the teachers wouldn't even know he'd looked it up, right?

Kinda like how at my schools, the "dress code" always came down to "don't be a distraction to the other students because of what you're wearing". If it's not disruptive, it's not a problem.

You might try explaining that to him; not sure how well he'll be able to make the distinction.

And it sounds to me like he's already punishing himself plenty. I definitely wouldn't worry too much about it.

[Vanquisher]

Re: Boys will be boys

Hehheh..hehheh....it says "ass"

Now that my Beevis and Butthead moment is over...

To me, the offense is not looking the word up, or even thinking it was funny, but sharing it with the other boys and causing a disturbance. I mean, if he hadn't done that, the teachers wouldn't even know he'd looked it up, right?

Kinda like how at my schools, the "dress code" always came down to "don't be a distraction to the other students because of what you're wearing". If it's not disruptive, it's not a problem.

You might try explaining that to him; not sure how well he'll be able to make the distinction.

And it sounds to me like he's already punishing himself plenty. I definitely wouldn't worry too much about it.

Yeah, I understand that it is the offense, but still. Whoop de doo. :huh: I don't know. It just seems lame.

[planet]

Re: Boys will be boys

I agree, totally retarded. I can't remember how old we were, pretty young, but I recall sitting with a friend and a dictionary and looking up every dirty word we could think of. Seriously, at least he'll know the right definition. When he comes home I'd sit at the table and let him look up every bad word that comes to mind. :> For some reason one odd word that I remember is "egghead," "an impractical intellectual."

[rainbabies]

Re: Boys will be boys

meh. not a big deal in my opinion. the teacher should have just said, 'yes..that is the proper term for donkey..sit down and get back to work'

whatevs.

oh, and janet..i totally did that too. i remember looking up sex! oh...bad word. oh and bitch and bastard.

Re: Boys will be boys

To me, the offense is not looking the word up, or even thinking it was funny, but sharing it with the other boys and causing a disturbance.

I agree with this. However, this is such a trivial thing for the teacher to create such a ruckus over. It's not like he was reading from a banned book or sharing porn. There was no need for her to get your son so upset.

I went through something like this with my son when he was in kindergarten and an old, battle-axe, hag lunchlady that could barely prop herself up anymore made DS move to the "bad kid table" during lunch b/c she thought he was talking. (I'm not still bitter ) He said he didn't do anything wrong and fell to pieces emotionally, which led to a severe asthma attack. Anyway, I talked to him about what to do if this situation happened again...that he can't get upset, just listen to whatever the teacher is saying and if he disagrees with it he still has to be polite until I can get there and take care of the witch, er, I mean teacher.

As far as Ryan's teacher, what was she doing at the time? It doesn't sound like she was monitoring the class. Was Ryan given any warning before she lowered the boom? What did she say to him that got him so upset? Teachers aren't supposed to escalate a situation, they are supposed to de-escalate and use the "teachable moment".

I really hate to hear about good kids getting in trouble for trivial stuff.

[poky]

Re: Boys will be boys

Yeah, I understand that it is the offense, but still. Whoop de doo. :huh: I don't know. It just seems lame.

Right. Because it is. And as Alison pointed out, if the teacher was doing their job well, a minor disruption like that wouldn't require a threat of "writing up" to get under control....or just wouldn't happen in the first place.

He seems really worried about being "in trouble". With who? What form does he think this "being in trouble" takes? Sounds like he might need some extra reassurance that he's still a good kid and everyone will still love him even if he messes up occasionally (not that this is really "messing up", but you get the idea).

[Flynn]

Re: Boys will be boys

I'm with you guys with the to the teacher.

If he was a trouble maker and does this on a regular basis (disturb the class) I can see why a phone call might be in order but not with your son.

PLUS -- as the English teacher I am...I like ACCURATE use of language.

If he is calling someone an ass -- ooops.
If he is learning new words that can be a "teachable moment" then shame on the teacher. She could have totally spun this into a learning time for the kids.

I used words like ass and bastard in my high school class (correctly) to debunk the stigma. I got their attention and told them if they used the words correctly, it wasn't a "swear word." They got a kick out of it and it started a great debate on slang, where it comes from, and is it useful or not.

Heidi -- your kid was using a dictionary and found a word with a couple of meanings. Kudos to him.

Re: Boys will be boys

...what an ass.

[madeintaiwan]

Re: Boys will be boys

I'm in between. I definitely don't think he should be written up for it, but I also don't think he should have shared it with the other kids. Time and place. I used to look up words all the time with my friends, quietly at home though. If Jasen did that he would definitely be in trouble with me. That stuff didn't fly when I was growing up and it definitely isn't going to fly in this house. My mom deeply ingrained the whole don't disgrace your family, it's "bigger than just you" into me. When your kids get into "trouble" you get into trouble and that is quite embarrassing. But I am known to be a hard ass. At the begining of last school year when Jasen got into a pushing fight with a kid while they were in line and they ended up knocking the glasses off of a girl and got sent to the principal's office, I made Jasen write apology letters to his teacher, the boy, the girl, and the principal. He never got in trouble again and to this day tells people that he learned his lesson in Miss C's class. I'm all about people, including children, being responsible for their behavior and understanding that their behavior affects other people too. Yeah, I'm a hard ass and that's fine with me and my kids still adore me just like I adore my mom. We still have fun and get down and dance and sing and eat chocolate chip pancakes for dinner.

[madeintaiwan]

Re: Boys will be boys

duplicate

[Phoebe]

Re: Boys will be boys

To start off, I have never parented a 10 year old. I think the teacher went a little overboard. I also feel bad for Ryan thinking he was in the "hugest trouble ever" for him being curious. I don't think I would reprimand my child in this situation except to point out there is a time and place and why the teacher was concerned.

I hope his day gets better.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Boys will be boys

I don't know what her problem is. (the teacher's) When Kate was a 10 year old she got written up for being a bully- this is a huge deal for which she could have been expelled. The offense? She is a big clutz and she tripped over the kid in front of her in line. He was shuffling his feet. The boy fell down and 2 other boys who had been tormenting everyone in the class "came forward" and said that Kate tripped the boy.

I don't know what the problem is with the school system. They seem to pick on *the wrong* kids.

Heidi, he didn't do anything different from what every other kid does. So incredibly stupid. My kids get the "do what your teachers tell you b/c they are an authority figure" speech way more than "do what the teacher tells you b/c they are right" one, which I don't think I've ever said. I am a little bit skeptical about these type of judgement calls- there are too many hypersensitive teachers who aren't always paying attention. I know this is true b/c experienced, wonderful teachers we've had (we've had... 3 now, out of 8 so that's not bad) NEVER tell us our kids give them problems. They have nothing but praise. Because they know how to manage them.

Makes my blood boil... :banghead:
ETA: sorry-- I'm so bad about the hijak stuff.

[fluffhead]

Re: Boys will be boys

Yeah, it seems that an inventive teacher could have thought up a way to make a lesson out of that, like "look how many interesting words you can find in the dictionary," instead of quashing any ounce of enthusiasm for learning that these kids have. But isn't that the job of the school system (quashing enthusiasm...)
OK don't get me started, I'll start singing "another brick in the wall" pretty soon.