Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

[peggyfromwastate]

Because apparently my son has no values. I don't know how to reach him, but this stealing toys from the treasure box in his 1st grade classroom keeps on going on. Today the teacher met me in the drive-thru pick up circle to tell me that "he stole again". He has been punished, talked at, reasoned with, and has made promises to not do it again.

This problem came to our attention on Tuesday via a note sent home. He stole something from the treasure chest, then Izzy saw him and so she took something from another little treasure chest. And the teacher caught them, they got "yellow apples" (it's like a point system- if you get only green apples all week you get to choose a toy out of the treasure chest at the end of the week). So we took away toys and restricted their priveleges, plus daddy was actually home and able to tell them in person that he was disappointed in them, and that stealing is wrong, etc. And we talked about the Junie B books and how she wanted to take things that didn't belong to her, and they could recognize that for her to take that stuff would be wrong. But somehow it's just not clicking for Steven. And I swear I talk to him about it all the time! Now he's in a "permanent time out" until Daddy comes home and he can deal with it. And since today is a half day, we're talking 4 hrs in his room alone... No toys, but books available.

My delightful beligerent little theif...

ETA: does anyone have any suggestions??

[DCJenn]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

How old is he? 4-5, right?

I'm not sure that all kids would get it that there are days when it's ok and days when it's not ok- because the message is inconsistent and they typically don't know the days of the week. I think the teachers have set them up to fail.

Sure, you can review it w/ him but now it's attention and as we all know, negative attention is just as powerful as positive attention.

It's a PITA but maybe he can have his own treasure chest at home that he can pick from every day after school (for a little while, certainly not through high school!)

Jenn

PS- I know you know this logically but seriously, it's not a values thing- it's a tempation in a first-grader thing.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

He is 6... It drives me nuts that they have this thing sitting there all week and the kids have to wait until Friday to choose a toy. Isabel, also in the same class, doesn't get it because since she got a "yellow" earlier in the week for stealing she basically can't redeem herself. Once you get a yellow apple, you don't get a green apple for the week and you won't get a toy. So she was really good today, and the teacher gave her the yellow apple at the end of the day, which Isabel tried to throw away. The apple is all crumpled up and everything. Izzy was crying about not getting a toy, even though she was good "all day".

I hate these behavior reward programs, Jenn. I agree that they are setting the kids up for failure but . Kate never ever got the reward (again, a one strike you lose deal) with the one teacher who did that program- I think it was 2nd grade...

Anyway, I think you may be onto something with the after school deal, so I will maybe set up something that they can choose 5 M&Ms or something for every day where they don't take something from the class???

I also am not sure that they "get" that the stuff that's in the treasure chest is just for the teacher to hand out. In Kindergarten it was really clear that the stuff stayed in the class, because it was out for the kids to play with during class. Even then Isabel took a set of crayons home (like we don't have 10000 crayons here already). We just sent it back; I didn't even think of addressing it as "stealing"...

Oh well....

But, Jenn! How cool to hear from you!!! Are you writing from the spa? I hope???

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

At this point, Steven wouldn't make a very good professional criminal. He gets caught every time...

Kate's class (this was 4 years ago) had a sweet young teacher. She was really a doll.... and couldn't handle my little strong-willed child. At all. So no, Kate never got the reward. She and about 8 other kids all had to sit in during recess on Fridays while the other kids went to have some type of a "party". I think "the bad kids" had to sit at their desks and read. She usually got her red mark on Monday, so then why bother behaving the rest of the week?

But Steven's teacher is a veteran- Izzy says that she yells a lot... so the twins should feel right at home. :> But I was surprised to see this reward system for this age. It's a leap from their expectations in Kindergarten. I guess we'll keep talking about it here at the homestead... And implement our own daily reward system, too. That was a great idea, Jenn!

[Michele]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

Not a veteran mom, but I didn't think that age can understand consequences for an entire week....ya know....I think a daily reward is a great idea.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

Here's his "mug shot"... Lock up your children- this one's a bad influence I tell ya...




Thank you all for your input. I appreciate it so much! Especially since when I ask DH about this kind of thing, he says, "I dunno".

Anyway....

I just asked Steven again how the whole thing went down, and I guess that the kids who earned their green apples went to the treasure chest to get their toy, and he went too, (knowing full well he DIDN'T have a green apple btw), and took a little dinosaur thing. Then his teacher saw him, of course, and asked him about it, and then said, "Did you steal in kindergarten too?" And, "Did you steal from me last week?" I said, well, did you steal last week? And he said, "I don't know what last week means."

*Sigh*

This has not been a great week for our little family. Not helped by the damned treasure chest...

[alison]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

I'm not a parent, but he's a cutie! Go Huskies!

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

thanks

I was trying to capture via photo the "eyebrow trick" he does. So, he's usually not all scrunched up like that!

[Michele]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

cute pic!

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

What a cutie! A thief of hearts perhaps...

ITA that a reward system for that age should mean that somewhere along the line every student gets the reward.

[houseelf]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

complete cutie-patootie...

...and not to take this to an esoteric tangent but:

I hate these behavior reward programs

. Not to take this thread to an esoteric tangent (Who me?) but,once a reward is attached for good work, good behavior, etc., the focus becomes on the trinket or grade rather than the intrinsic reward resulting from mastering a skill or behaving well. The "buy out" becomes increasingly higher. Believe me, I'm not always able to put these principles into place, but I do think that these type of reward programs (and grades before highschool !!!) detract from education rather than enhance.

You may now return back to regular conversation....

Kelly

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

I retract my previous comment and go with Kelly's statement.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

Uh, yeah, what kelly said...

I don't know how to get my kids to 'do well for the sake of doing well.' It's very hard. But in 1st grade, there are a lot of really cool things that they are learning to do that they should be proud of- reading, math without using fingers so much, subtraction... Hmmmmmmmm....

We'll see what happens with my mini-delinquent this week. I asked him if he was going to "steal" again (that's the teach's word), and he said, "I don't know." :angeldevil:

Once again, we talked about how those toys are there to only torment the kids until Friday, when the select few with green apples get to go pick one out... (I said, "If you want a toy from the treasure chest, you need to turn in the green apple and only when your teacher tells you to do so.")

Now tonight I have to at least give him some type of incentive at home to 'keep him honest' during the day. But Kelly, I'm definitely going to incorporate more of "It's so cool that you know how to do "x" now" into my vernacular.

Sometimes parenting is just tooooooo much.

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

I agree that it is hard to motivate or direct changes without a reward. A job well done sometimes is not reward enough. I hear you. It seems like the reward gets to be such a big deal in his classroom, maybe too much. But what do you do when that is the class he is in? Did someone mention having your own treasure chest at home? Maybe try that will make the teacher's seem less important. (bwahahaha)

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Give the loser parent of the year award to ME

but I do think that these type of reward programs (and grades before highschool !!!) detract from education rather than enhance.

You may now return back to regular conversation....

Kelly

Grades before high school- I think you are right, of course. The 1st graders still get the O/S/n/a ratings, I think, and everyone in elem here gets "behavioral grades" even based on how well they work independently and follow instructions. Ultimately the grades in elementary are meaningless. Utterly meaningless.

But in middle school I may start giving grades, at least in 7th and 8th, to get ready for the real world implications of grades and what it means for college entrances. Grades are useful teaching tools for some to get them to turn in their homework. As a rule, we never give rewards for good grades, per se. We are not parents who give "$10 per A" like some of our neighbors. We tell Kate to get her best grade she can, but that if she's not getting a good grade b/c she is not turning in homework, that's on her. If she gets A's, that's awesome, too. But if she works hard and gets a B or even a C ( ) that would be OK- if it was truly her best effort. It is really hard, though. I know that as a kid I was way more focused on getting my A than on learning. And I think that did negatively affect me overall.