Promoting sibling pleasantness

[Phoebe]

I realize sibling rivalry is normal. Maybe having of the three same-sex children is grounds for more conflict, especially in the teen years. They are constantly tattling, crying "Mommmmyyyy, she.... blah blah blah and generally driving me bonkers. Sorry for those of you who would rather not hear complaining about kids. I am really looking for ways to encourage their interaction and more group play. My kids don't play with their toys. If I am not directing them, they are wanting to watch TV, play the computer or acting bored or antagonize each other. I know they are young still, but they should be able to play more by themselves.

I can't concentrate on anything for five minutes without being screamed at by the girls. I rotate their toys normally. Now our problem is that we dont' have a dedicated playroom. I have tried delegating toys to their bedrooms, but now neither of them want the other in their rooms to play together. I feel very overwhelmed by the screaming. Any parenting suggestions besides calling Nanny 911 or Supernanny? I am all taped out and mentally exhausted from them.

Re: Promoting sibling pleasantness

Threaten to make them watch you eat their Halloween candy or throw it in the trash.

It worked yesterday.

Seriously though... :huh: . This ebbs and flows in our house. When they are just picking on each other it drives me nuts. It does work (sometimes) for me to tell them I am not interested and to work it out themselves. As long as it isn't physical or an unfair match (older manipulating younger).

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Promoting sibling pleasantness

We struggle with this a lot. My youngest is a tyrant. An absolute tyrant. He is almost always at fault. When it gets way out of hand, I send each of them to different rooms. We only have a very small dedicated playroom, and they tend to play right where I am, playrroom or not. Drives me nuts.

That being said, usually when my kids are all sent to different rooms for about 10 minutes they can come together and play better than before.

I also, get ready to throw tomatoes, would suggest taking away TV except for maybe 1 or 2 days a week. TV has a bad effect on 2 of my kids. I find it very tempting to put it on, but then when I try to turn it off, it can get to be pretty bad. So, it's actually more peaceful around here when the TV is off, and when they know that it won't come on.

Sounds like you are doing what you can- as far as rotating toys, etc. Can you take them anywhere out of the house (like library storytime, or nature programs, etc) to break up the day?

But again, NO Mommy guilt allowed. Seriously. We can do what we can to get the kids to get along, but somedays it is just hopeless.

Re: Promoting sibling pleasantness

I've found that separating them works well sometimes, but I tend to follow Nellie's philosophy of staying out of it unless there is blood or an obviously unfair situation. They seem to do it largely for the "I'll tell mom!" drama, and I'm not playing into it. I tell them that they need to work it out, because if I work it out for them, neither of them will like what I come up with (I stole that from someone, wish I could give appropriate credit, b/c it's worked nicely).

[Phoebe]

Re: Promoting sibling pleasantness

Thanks for the suggestions. I try to stay out of scabbles as much as possible, too. I keep hearing.... I'm just saying or Mom, I'm talking to you or just plain "MMMMoooooommmmmmmmmmmyyyyyy" when I dont' respond. I ignore. Have I mentioned how persistant my children are? I did separate, yet the younger one wouldn't stay away. I guess I'll keep plugging away and probably lose my sanity.

[houseelf]

Re: Promoting sibling pleasantness

Just offering commiseration. I don't think this is a gender thing or close age spacing thing. Remember yesterday in my blog when I was all braggy about how sweet DS is and how he can get along with anyone? I forgot to add the fine print. He is meaner than snot to his sister. She plays dirty too. I feel like things are a bit different here, however. You wrote:

I can't concentrate on anything for five minutes without being screamed at by the girls.

At least it's your kids screaming at you. Unfortunately, I'm usually screaming at them.

Where is that Mommy protection program somebody mentioned?

Kelly

[diggitydot]

Re: Promoting sibling pleasantness

Any parenting suggestions besides calling Nanny 911 or Supernanny?

I'm sure I'm going to Mommy Hell for this, but I guilt the ever-loving crap out of my kids and it works beautifully. Normally, they all play pretty well together and aren't too obnoxious, but occasionally the girls will get entirely too snotty with each other for my comfort. We'll have a little "come to Jesus meeting" where I make both of them state their case without allowing the other to interrupt. After they've both done their best to sway me their way, I make 'em look each other in the eye and tell them to imagine that for some reason their sister were no longer with us and ask them if they'd like the last thing they ever said to their sibling to be the crap spewing forth from their mouths. They're usually in tears, hugging, and giving weepy I-love-yous to each other before I've even finished the whole routine.

Guilt. A mother's gift. :>

I only use my powers for good...I promise.

[Phoebe]

Re: Promoting sibling pleasantness

Nellie is right, ebb and flow. Since yesterday afternoon they are in total sympatico. I just haven't seen it in weeks. Yeah, for the time being and my sanity.

Re: Promoting sibling pleasantness

Enjoy it while it lasts!

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Promoting sibling pleasantness

Thanks for the suggestions. I try to stay out of scabbles as much as possible, too. I keep hearing.... I'm just saying or Mom, I'm talking to you or just plain "MMMMoooooommmmmmmmmmmyyyyyy" when I dont' respond. I ignore. Have I mentioned how persistant my children are? I did separate, yet the younger one wouldn't stay away. I guess I'll keep plugging away and probably lose my sanity.

For separating, I have the same issue. My 3 y.o. will go to wherever the other kids are. So I have the older kids lock themselves in to the bathroom or their room, that way Luke can't get in there. Since he's usually the one they are trying to escape from, they are usually pleased to do this.