Tattling....

[Phoebe]

How do you deter your children from tattling in your home?
I am so over hearing about how someone was touched or was called a poopy head or got a toy taken away. My kids also tattle to other adults as well.

My standard line is "That wasn't nice. Tell her you don't like it." I also urge them to work out their own problems unless someone is being destructive to themselves or someone else. I have even gone on to say that tattling on their friends could hurt a friendship. As sibling's they get upset with each other when one tattle's one the other.

Any suggestions that worked for your kids?

[Meenah]

Re: Tattling....

Enjoy it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Before you know it, they will be covering up for one another.

OK, I know you cannot enjoy it, but it really does change before you know it.

Re: Tattling....

I just say "worry about yourself".

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Tattling....

Yuk. I never have the patience to get to the bottom of it. I can recognize the different types of cries, though, so that's helpful.

(Cries of he's teasing me, he took my stickers, he drew with my marker, vs actual pain which rarely happens.)

[houseelf]

Re: Tattling....

Tara...those are great! I'm going to put some of those to use! I've been dispensing a less polished version to my 8 year old: "Really, can you deal with this?"

Kelly

[Phoebe]

Re: Tattling....

Thanks!

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: Tattling....

With my son, on the rare occasion that he is in the position to tattle (currently, he's an only child), I usually say, "I don't like tattling. Deal with it yourself. If someone does something dangerous, then tell me." That usually works. Once, when he tried to deal with something himself, the other kid tried to hit him, and DS came back and said, "Now we're dangerous."

[Momo]

Re: Tattling....

With my son, on the rare occasion that he is in the position to tattle (currently, he's an only child), I usually say, "I don't like tattling. Deal with it yourself. If someone does something dangerous, then tell me." That usually works. Once, when he tried to deal with something himself, the other kid tried to hit him, and DS came back and said, "Now we're dangerous."

[GreyhoundsRUs]

Re: Tattling....

I remember my parents always used to ask as one of us came running, "is anyone hurt?" "Is there something that can hurt you?"

Saying anything before the kiddo opens his/her mouth seems to help dispel the "immediacy" of the tattle!

[diggitydot]

Re: Tattling....

When DS comes out to tattle (since he's the one who's smack-dab in the middle of this stage) he's always asked if he told whomever is doing whatever is bugging him to please stop.

DS has some speech articulation and language processing skills so when he gets frustrated, he isn't always the best about relaying his wishes to others. 99.999% of the time he hasn't, so we make him go back and tell the other kid what it is he doesn't like/want/etc. That usually clears it up. Occasionally, it doesn't and we then tell both of them that if they can't come up with a solution themselves either Daddy or I will. And they know that if we come up with a solution, the it's highly unlikely to be something they'll enjoy.

But, you may not want to take any advice from me about parenting. I'm also the mom who has told her kids that the Easter Bunny and Santa are best friends who compare notes. Yep, pretty sure I'm going to mommy hell... :run:

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: Tattling....

I'm also the mom who has told her kids that the Easter Bunny and Santa are best friends who compare notes. Yep, pretty sure I'm going to mommy hell... :run:

If that's what damns you to mommy hell, I'll see you there.

I do the Santa thing more or less (a lot of focus on the actual St. Nick as versus the Hallmark store version--I can sell it better from that angle), but I just can't muster the Easter Bunny drill. It's not that I object to a secular ritual being grafted into a religious holiday. I don't have a beef with that. I just can't muster the ridiculousness of the proposition. I tried to participate at first, but I just didn't have it in me, and even DS looked like he wasn't buying it: Yes, sweetie, in recognition of the fact that Jesus rose from the dead, a large poop-filled rodent (that I would ordinarily call an exterminator to deal with) is going to break into our house as we sleep and drop off a faux grass basket full of pastel-wrapped egg-shaped chocolates. No, I really don't know how a rabbit got ahold of chocolate, or what eggs have to do with the holiest day in the liturgical calendar (a symbol of life, maybe?), but somehow this is all tied together. Oh, just eat the candy...

So we do the basket, but we just tell him honestly that it's an Easter gift from his grandparents.

I am a terrible mom for not finding a way to be a bigger person and a better liar, and indulge him in this common childhood fairy tale. See you in hell...

[diggitydot]

Re: Tattling....

Oh, that's not awful, at all. I totally see handling Easter that way. We usually just give the kids stuff that they'll use or have been wanting for a while and skip the whole candy/plastic crap. Most recently we gave them all stuff that they can use when we do our next relocation/car trip. (ie, travel games, activity books, small hand held games, small pillows, bags to keep track of their stuff in the car, headphones, etc.)