Age for sleep overs?

[houseelf]

What age did your kids start having sleepovers. I'm learning that we are on the very liberal side of this particular issue. My mom would fly up to MN when Cade was 18 months and fly him down to the cabin in TN for a week sans parents. As a preschooler, he stayed overnight with our neighbors's son occasionally as well as with his sitter's son. In kindergarten, he attended to a school sponsored slumber party. At seven, he went to two nights of sleepaway camp by himself. This past summer he spent a full week at camp and tons of time at the grandparents. My kids are like buh-bye mom, let's get this party started.

In contrast, my niece (5) has never stayed an hour away at either of her grandparents. We invited a boy from school over tonight who is nine years old. After dinner he became *really* quiet and started crying. I called his parents and they agreed to make this one a "sleep under" and pick him up at ten. Actually, this is less of a PITA for me, so great news! Still, it makes me wonder if I should feel weird that I absolutely believe that my four year old would be fine spending the night away from me if she was having a good time. :huh:

What is your experience with this?

Kelly

[DCJenn]

Re: Age for sleep overs?

We had a sleepover at the beginning of the summer- (a girl no less) and they were both 4. Didn't have any issues and both kids had a great time!

Nikolai and my nephew Jack have been having sleepovers at the grandparents forever- the most recent was this summer for a week. Again, both are 4.

When I went to Dallas, I farmed him out to the neighbors for a night and again-not a problem. Of course, the neighbor is also a teacher at the school and she and her daughter swam here all summer.

Jenn

[Sheherezade]

Re: Age for sleep overs?

Here, the general "go time" seems to be third grade. (8 or 9 yo) We started on the tale end of second grade. DD has a few friends now that still aren't allowed in fourth grade. Ditto Boston with the DS. Our neighbor did kindergarten sleepovers with her kids, but she was an exception. Man, Kelly. You are a wild and crazy mom! Must be all those family raves with the kids.

ETA: It is always wise to remember that bedwetting is still pretty common for some kids until 8 or 9. I think that can be a factor in some families.

[Cumberland]

Re: Age for sleep overs?

ETA: It is always wise to remember that bedwetting is still pretty common for some kids until 8 or 9. I think that can be a factor in some families.

Hence the waterproof mattress pad on the girls beds and the guest bed at our house.

[poky]

Re: Age for sleep overs?

I went to a week-long overnight summer camp when I was...I'm pretty sure I was 5 the first year. I had probably spent the night at the house of my best friend before that, but I'm not positive. My little sister was older than that before she spent a night away from home; she never did go to an overnight camp. She was always more sensitive to that kind of thing. :huh:

[Phoebe]

Re: Age for sleep overs?

My kids have stayed with my mom since they were young. We set 6 for a sleepover age, but found it to be too young for DD#1. She is anxious about being away from home. She has spent the night away from home once and a night away at girl scout camp. After that she caved and wasn't up for anymore.

I think if your kids are fine with it then go for it. I know other parents whose kids have spent time away. My mom's boss sends their 15 and 12 year kids away to summer camp for a month in the summer. The kids like it. I wouldn't.

[migirl]

Re: Age for sleep overs?

We don't have any experience with sleepovers with other kids, but DS#1 is now 2.5yo and has stayed at both grandparents' houses lots of times without us ... starting when he was 22 months-old.

I guess it's just whatever you're comfortable with.

[houseelf]

Re: Age for sleep overs?

But as your kiddos get older watch for the co-ed sleepover phenomena .

Um, no freaking way. This needs to stop around ten to eleven-ish depending on the kid and circumstances.

As a postscript to this, the child's parents did not wait until 10 to pick him up. They came immediately. I wasn't even expecting them. They didn't say thanks or explain that their son has a hard time with these sort of things or offer anything remotely apologetic. I quizzed my son about what happened, asking if they had a fight or if the neighborhood kids said something.

Eventually I got a call stating that this child refuses to EVER be away from his mom or dad and they were sort of surprised that he even agreed to the sleep over in the first place. He still refuses to be dropped off at a two hour birthday party by himself at nine years old. Uh, could you have given me the courtesy of a heads up so I would have known what to expect? My kid has waited for this sleepover since the beginning of school and now is disappointed and confused. Also, are they going to cave in everytime your kid experiences any displeasure? They couldn't have waited until ten? I was dumbfounded. I sort of felt like I lived in Sartell, Minnesota for a moment.

The thing is these parents seem like nice parents, but they should have communicated some things a little better. At a minimum, a "thanks" would have been nice.

People never cease to amaze me.

Kelly

[Sheherezade]

Re: Age for sleep overs?

Well....my twelve year old still has sleepovers. I have heard about drug/alcohol/porn risks as well with older kids, but I'd have to guess these people don't supervise much. :huh: I'm seriously hanging out with the kids most of the time. They play videogames in our family room attached to the kitchen and then go to bed with a video on the projector in my son's computer free bedroom. I'm not sure when the kids are supposed to get stoned and watch porn 2.0. Once they stop wanting my around or allowing me continual monitoring, I'll give up on sleepovers. I'm guessing that will be in the next year or two.

We have activities as well, and kids usually leave the house around 9 or 10 am after pancakes.

[houseelf]

Re: Age for sleep overs?

I'll have sleepovers as long as they're working out for us too, but I think that the co-ed aspect needs to stop before puberty. I haven't been there yet, so we'll see.

Kelly

[Sheherezade]

Re: Age for sleep overs?

We've never done co-ed. Well....the kids have never done co-ed.

[DCJenn]

Re: Age for sleep overs?

The co-ed thing will stop once he enters kindergarten and will resume (no doubt) on his first night of Freshman year.

C'est tout.

Jenn

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: Age for sleep overs?

What age did your kids start having sleepovers. I'm learning that we are on the very liberal side of this particular issue. My mom would fly up to MN when Cade was 18 months and fly him down to the cabin in TN for a week sans parents. As a preschooler, he stayed overnight with our neighbors's son occasionally as well as with his sitter's son. In kindergarten, he attended to a school sponsored slumber party. At seven, he went to two nights of sleepaway camp by himself. This past summer he spent a full week at camp and tons of time at the grandparents. My kids are like buh-bye mom, let's get this party started.

In contrast, my niece (5) has never stayed an hour away at either of her grandparents. We invited a boy from school over tonight who is nine years old. After dinner he became *really* quiet and started crying. I called his parents and they agreed to make this one a "sleep under" and pick him up at ten. Actually, this is less of a PITA for me, so great news! Still, it makes me wonder if I should feel weird that I absolutely believe that my four year old would be fine spending the night away from me if she was having a good time. :huh:

What is your experience with this?

Kelly

When DS was six months old, I was at my folks visiting for the holidays. Totally last minute, I found a super-cheap airplane ticket to New Haven, where DH was spending four days, interviewing for residency. I hopped a plane and left DS with my folks. They were thrilled to get the time with DS and DH and I got a much needed three-day kid-free break. Last summer, DS spent one week with my in-laws in TX and two weeks with my folks in PA. I seriously doubt he had any desire to return home after either visit! Three weeks ago, he went to my aunt and uncle's home for four days while I was hospitalized with pre-term labor. He has babysitters occasionally (I don't have an issue with babysitters--just the expense). And, of course, he's in preschool.

So, I guess we are pretty easy going. ? Never really thought about it.

I have a cousin who is paralyzingly neurotic about her two young (under five) girls. She will not leave them, EVER, with a sitter, and will not leave them overnight, even with their grandparents. I think it really hurts my aunt and uncle's feelings. The girls are SO shy and very, very clingy. They can't play with the children of the other cousins because they have no socialization experience, I guess. DS has tried to engage them at family holiday parties, etc., but they just don't know what to make of other kids. They are very sweet, mild-mannered girls, but they are afraid of anything and everything new, and panic if they are out of their mom's view. It seems strange to me--that you'd encourage this kind of super-dependence--but I am sure their mom thinks that I am a terrible mother for pretty much passing my kid off to my parents whenever they are willing to play babysitter. Not to mention the fact that I **gasp!!** work outside the home. We just have radically different ideas on child-rearing (and parenting survival techniques).

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: Age for sleep overs?

Eventually I got a call stating that this child refuses to EVER be away from his mom or dad and they were sort of surprised that he even agreed to the sleep over in the first place. He still refuses to be dropped off at a two hour birthday party by himself at nine years old.

OK, seriously. Not to sound REALLY judgmental, but the kid is weird--or else, has some sort of psychological or developmental problem that needs to be addressed. Parents and kid may be very nice people, but that is not age-appropriate. The kid should have been able to handle hanging out at someone else's home until 10PM.

He's going to spend junior high getting his as$ kicked--a girl MIGHT be able to get away with this, but a boy? Sorry about the social stereotypes, but for his own sense of self-esteem, I hope he grows out of this. Seriously, there's a difference between shy and socially stunted.