Teacher pulled me aside to report dd's behavior today!

[JaneDoe]

For the first time, I was pulled aside by the teacher because of dd's bad behavior. This is a first for me. I'm not shocked that dd was acting out because she can be a handful. She is extremely strong willed, but it has not risen to the level where I had to be pulled aside. Apparently, dd and another girl were throwing food and then toys at the lunch table at preschool today. This is absolutely unacceptable behavior in our house. I don't know why she was doing it. Dd and the other girl were removed from the room and required to help the head of the school pick up a classroom.

When I learned of this, I told dd that I was disappointed to here this and that she would be losing some privileges today. I've decided that there will be no tv for the rest of the day and no Halloween candy. Am I too easy on her? I'm appalled by this and I want to do the right thing to keep her behavior in check.

WWYD?

[DCJenn]

Re: Teacher pulled me aside to report dd's behavior today!

I don't know- are those things that REALLY matter to her or will she be thinking, "eh, I'll get the candy tomorrow."

If it were my child- he'd be all about the performance art for today- promising to do better, but secretly knowing that it would all be back to normal tomorrow.

If it were my nephew, he'd be hysterical at the thought of getting into trouble and would lose it.

I guess it kind of depends on exactly how strong-willed she is!

Jenn

[JaneDoe]

Re: Teacher pulled me aside to report dd's behavior today!

I don't know- are those things that REALLY matter to her or will she be thinking, "eh, I'll get the candy tomorrow."

If it were my child- he'd be all about the performance art for today- promising to do better, but secretly knowing that it would all be back to normal tomorrow.

If it were my nephew, he'd be hysterical at the thought of getting into trouble and would lose it.

I guess it kind of depends on exactly how strong-willed she is!

Jenn

I guess dd is more like your child than your nephew. Getting into trouble doesn't seem to phase her. I wish I could figure out the one thing that would make her get it. I haven't figured it out yet.

[Phoebe]

Re: Teacher pulled me aside to report dd's behavior today!

My Pre-K daughter is extremely oppositional, especially when it comes to her parents. It hasn't filtered over into school too much, except for teachers to acknowledge her strong-willed behavior and say they had to redirect her a couple times. Punishment doesn't phase my daughter either to the point where she will tell you a spank doesn't hurt or laugh when you put her in time out, etc. I finally told her I wasn't trying to hurt her, etc, just trying to let her know there are consequences to her behavior/bad choices.

It is a fine line for me. The more punishment, the more bad attention, the worse the behavior becomes. I have to choose my battles wisely with my daughter. Throwing food and toys would be unacceptable. I would probably have my daughter make a card for the teachers saying she was sorry. That is punishment. She doesn't like crafts very much.

[DCJenn]

Re: Teacher pulled me aside to report dd's behavior today!

I think that level of apology WOULD work very well with Nikolai, too. Something tangible that he has to DO as opposed to lose does seem to work better.

A letter of apology would work well. In fact, three of the older boys at the school destroyed Nikolai's lunch box and their parents made them each apologize to his face and then each had to write an apology and send it to our house. AND they had to apologize to the School Director, too.

Jenn

[JaneDoe]

Re: Teacher pulled me aside to report dd's behavior today!

This afternoon, she worked on her apology picture. I asked her if there was anything she wanted to say to the mom who was supervising the lunch group and dd said "sorry for throwing". I helped spell the words and she wrote the letters and drew a picture. She will take the picture to school on Wednesday the next day of preschool.

I would also find out if your daughter behaves worse with this particular child, if so ask the teacher if she could keep them separated as much as possible.

Yes, I believe she does act out more with the girl. They are like oil and vinegar. The other girl is also very strong-willed. Often dd will come home and tell about their disagreements. :fight: But, I think when they work together it's nothing but trouble.