private school?

[Flynn]

It was a no brainer for us since we decided to move out of the burbs and back to the city. We were looking at extremes of the continuum. I will add another plug for single gender education if it's an option. DD is in a class of about 13 girls and it has been such a positive experience. I was half expecting lots of girl issues, but it's been quite the opposite. It's been such smooth sailing. I've heard that the younger boys have really benefitted from having boy class rooms that teaches in constant motion. Studies have shown that girls are more likely to speak up in science and math in all girl classrooms. They do integrate boys and girls for gender neutral subjects (geography, language, etc) in HS and for the AP courses.
.

Annie this sounds fantastic. I think girls learn catty behavior young because of boys in the classroom. Take the boys out and most girls who lean that way behave.

[Flynn]

But three academy tuitions is not chump change.

I couldn't agree more. Having three kids changes SO MANY THINGS. The world was created for a family of four.

(...and for those of you with MORE than three -- you get passes straight into heaven IMO!)

[Pollyanna]

We are very lucky to have a wonderful public elementary school about a mile away and a pretty good (not great) middle school right next door that our children attend. For HS they will all go to a private Catholic high school. So far this has been great for our family.

Observing experiences from other families with a variety of school choices (Montessori, Catholic, secular private, homeschool, etc.) I will say that I am very happy with our particular situation. One big thing for me is that children K-8 should have minimal (if any) homework. My friends whose children go to Catholic school regularly complain about two hours or more a night and book reports starting in kindergarten. My friend who is a Catholic school teacher laughs and says, "that is just the Catholic school way, kill them K-8 so they will be ready for high school" I will say that those children are not any better prepared for high school than my public school educated daughter. They also don't know their faith better simply because they went to a Catholic school. DD will regularly come home and say, "I can't believe those kids from St. So and So's do not know the basic tenants of their faith".

This year has been eye opening watching children from a large variety of middle schools with a large variety of curriculums feed into dd high school. In the end what seems to be the most important thing about K-8 is that the children who come from schools where they felt valued, where they were taught to love learning, and where they were taught the basics do better (for the most part) than the kids that learned to hate school because they spent all their time on homework, or learned to hate school because teachers were poor. You can have the best most cutting edge curriculum in the nation with all highly educated teachers and house those teachers in a big fancy school with all the bells and whistles but if they don't teach your child to love learning in the end all that cutting edge curriculum and pretty buildings is meaningless.

Children are highly inuitive and know when they feel valued. I guess the "Golden Rule" is my first priority in education. Is the district, teachers, and staff treating my child they way they would want to be treated. Do they help them with struggles, do they care if they succeed, do they do their best to place children in the appropriate learning level, etc. It is amzing how if you just go back to the Golden Rule so many good thinmgs follow. I realize my idealism here, but that is what we strive for for our children, right?

I could go on as I have a bunch of thoughts on the matter but I'm already incoherent and babbling...

You can have the best most cutting edge curriculum in the nation with all highly educated teachers and house those teachers in a big fancy school with all the bells and whistles but if they don't teach your child to love learning in the end all that cutting edge curriculum and pretty buildings is meaningless.

I really agree with this. I know folks who have sent their kids (or friends who were sent as kids) to VERY expensive private schools, and the kids didn't do ANY better than those of us who went to public school. I've got 3 friends who went to the "best" Catholic high schools in Cleveland (1 male, 2 female - gender specific schools), 2 barely scraped by at Cleveland State University (1 year of their high school tuition would have covered 2 or 3 years at CSU by the way), and the 3rd flunked out and works at Starbucks as a 33 year old. I've got a friend here whose step-daughter went to a very, very expensive private school here, and when I asked what she was doing after graduation, I learned that she's taking classes at Johnson County Community College b/c she didn't have the scores or maturity to head off to college right now.

And then there is DH and me. We went to the same high school with access to the same classes and programs and very different attitudes and home lives. My mom was so busy trying to keep her head above water that I didn't have anyone making sure I was taking school seriously. We never even looked at a financial aid form. We just didn't know. DH is first generation Indian, which means education is all there is. He and his brother had free reign as long as they had perfect grades. He went to med school. I got a job. Yes, I advanced and made good $$ b/c I'm smart, but I never went to college. Same classes, same AP classes, even. Different work ethics.

You can't buy the .... X factor ... I guess. Agregate test scores and facy resumes are great, but it still comes down to individuals, parenting, and maybe that one special teacher -- and that can happen anywhere.

I wish the all-girl school here started in junior high! Assuming the junior high would be similar in quality to the high school, our decision would be made. Not to mention that this school is half the tuition of the other we would look at.

So far, a plan similar to Tara's has worked for us. As burned out as I am on volunteering, I am satisfied with our local elementary school. Not wowed and knocked over, honestly, but satisfied. I feel like I can fill in the largely academic holes and the gaps. I am pleased with how they have handled social issues. The district has talked (and talked and talked) about changing our school to a k-8, which I think would be fantastic. That isn't going to happen in the next two years.

I am not as keen on the local junior high. It is better than most of the other public ones but sticking the adjective of better on junior high...sigh. This is stressing me out.

Hah, but Evie just opened the front door and is chasing after the cat. Distraction provided! buh-bye

[Sheherezade]

Great thread!

I only have a few random thoughts to add from my own musings on the topic. We are lucky to live in a great nationally rated public school district. My kids are currently enrolled in public school.

My thoughts on private education:

Great extracurriculars. Programming is often "outside the box" in a good way. Smaller classes. Parents have more influence in administrative decision-making because they pay the bills. Much better at stimulating bright kids - even if they aren't technically "gifted" just capable. Not hung up on testing and not constantly concerned with budget issues. Special ed costs do not strain district and cause uncomfortable debate amongst parents. Single sex education does do a better job, IMHO, if you can find it.

Can be intolerant of slow learners - one family I know here had a daughter forced out of the school because she was slowing down the class. They pulled all the kids because they didn't like the way she was treated. Socially, kids can develop bad attitudes about entitlement. Another family here pulled a kid because he become wealth obsessed and was embarrassed to have people over at their "horrible" 3000 sq ft home. Also, moneyed parents (big, big money) can call the shots on lots of things politically. A school here strongly suggests a donation of 10K for the annual fundraiser. ( 10K. I'll take volunteering, thank you. )


On public:

Frustrating. Line between school and administration goes through government. Hard to "flex your muscle" as a parent to get things changed. Discipline, constantly changing curriculum, budgets take up too much time. Special ed costs and requirements drain resources from "regular" kids. That said, if your child has special needs or may develop any, public schools are the place to be. Provides a more diverse community even in a white bread town like mine. You are already paying for it if you pay taxes! More opportunities for parent involvement. Maybe too many opportunities for parent involvement.

[houseelf]

Sherezade's thoughts on private school education is spot on my experience:

Great extracurriculars. Programming is often "outside the box" in a good way. Smaller classes. Parents have more influence in administrative decision-making because they pay the bills. Much better at stimulating bright kids - even if they aren't technically "gifted" just capable. Not hung up on testing and not constantly concerned with budget issues. Special ed costs do not strain district and cause uncomfortable debate amongst parents.

Kelly

This a great thread.

My husband and I were teachers at Waldorf schools before we had kids so all three of our kids went to waldorf school from pre-school through 12th grade except they each went to a different sort of school for a year in high-school - one to a boarding school in Colorado, one to a single-sex catholic school and the third to the largest public school in the state. We wanted to see how their "friend-choosing" radar operated before they went to college and to see if they wanted to freely choose to return to the Waldorf High School. They all "came back" and had a lot more appreciation for it (one did 11th grade at a waldorf school in Paris and another went to 11th grade in Switzerland - we exchanged with other families and had lots of teenagers at our house for a while). Waldorf school are not for everyone but it worked for us and we made sure our kids did activities outside of the school to meet kids outside of their school as they stay with the same group.

They all got great scholarships to college (thank goodness) and say they would probably put their kids in a waldorf school (although since we taught there our kids went almost tuition-free and who knows if they could afford it).

Now I teach in a public charter school in a low-income area and try to create an oasis of learning and calm for the students I teach.

This is one of the most illuminating choices that parents ever make and profoundly affects your family life and I love it that people are so thoughtful about it. I don't always feel that way with the parents from my school but the kids are great!

[houseelf]

This is one of the most illuminating choices that parents ever make and profoundly affects your family life and I love it that people are so thoughtful about it. I don't always feel that way with the parents from my school but the kids are great!

This is so true. All of these kids have parents who are really analyzing what their kids need. They are soooo far ahead of the game because they have parents who are willing to supplement whatever their particular educational route lacks.

Please realize that I'm putting this soothing statement out there more for my own benefit than anyone else.

Kelly

[PrincessFiona]

Choosing the right school and environment for my children is something that I continue to struggle with and my oldest is going into 9th grade, while my youngest will start preschool in the Fall. Schools stuff is so hard. I have nothing to contribute to this thread, but I am enjoying reading it and thinking about what everyone is putting out there.

Kris

[Flynn]

This has been so interesting.

I think PART of this discussion for me and for others has to do with what images, connotations and socioeconomic "suggestions" come to mind when debating whether to send your child to a private school where IT AINT CHEAP, and basically "donate" whatever tax dollars you contribute to your public schools.

Does that mean you think your kid is better than other kids? (of course not)
Will elitism follow? Will they be TOO sheltered? (no and I hope not)
Will you compromise your family lifestyle to pay for school? (not if you really crunch the numbers and PREPARE, it shouldn't happen)

I'm very uncomfortable with the decision as a whole and it fascinates me. I always thought "my take" on education was pretty solid and was based in both research AND experience in a number of different schools and classrooms. Being a parent has altered my priorities unconditionally and as such my issues with education in general has shifted. Bizarre.


DH and I had yet ANOTHER discussion about this today in fact. We're on the same page --we'll take the public vs. private AND the $$$ OFF the table (as much as we can) and evaluate environments when we vist. He's as uncomfortable as I am but for slightly different reasons. I've gotten the green light to look into a few Catholic schools -- all things being equal he'd prefer NOT to go that route but the ones we looked at in our current location were SO OLD SCHOOL -- if we could find one that was not he'd be open to sending our kids there.

The curriculms came in the mail yesterday from both private schools we are considering that are not affiliated with any religion or church. IF the school teaches everything that is listed -- in other words, if what's on paper is TRUE it kicks the public schools ass in the curriculum category. Am I uncomfortable with this? Absolutely. But it is what it is. (I received curriculums from both public school districts where we would likely live in the mail the previous week.)

Does that mean IF my kids go there they will be brilliant white collar citizens who change the world? Of course not. I'm going into this with my eyes WIDE open. But the disparity is there. Now we need to evaluate the culture and vibe of each school we're considering.

Sigh.

I KNOW I'm over thinking this but this is SUCH an important decision!!!!
ARRGHHHH~!

[houseelf]

Is there a local website that moms chat on in the proposed location? (i.e. there is cincymom.com attached to the local newspaper). This can be a good source of information, with the caveat that it is the internet and there come be some crazies.

Best of luck.

Kelly

[PrincessFiona]

Flynn, I don't think you are overthinking it. I am back on a "what-to-do" kick myself. Amanda has been under incredible pressure to be thin and not eat at the middle school. She has turned into a bean pole and she she told me that she is "hungry all the time" but if she eats a snack, etc the girls would make fun of her. She is restricting her food intake now at home too to make sure that she doesn't get "fat". When we talked about it she was nearly in tears about the "pressure" from the girls.

It isn't just academics..it's also social stuff that takes the cake! I feel like I've been in a "what school is best" tailspin since putting my kids in school. It's so stressful!

Kris

[Meenah]

I encourage you all to look into the Friends Schools.

[GrayMatterWife]

Amanda has been under incredible pressure to be thin and not eat at the middle school. She has turned into a bean pole and she she told me that she is "hungry all the time" but if she eats a snack, etc the girls would make fun of her. She is restricting her food intake now at home too to make sure that she doesn't get "fat". When we talked about it she was nearly in tears about the "pressure" from the girls.

Kris

????? That's INSANE. How are you handling that nonsense?? I assume that a lot of this is all about popularity.

You want boys to like you? You need boobs. You want boobs, you have to (1) have some body fat, and (2) start your cycle. Neither of these will happen if you don't eat. Not to mention the damage you are doing to your bones. Boys are not attracted to girls with osteoperosis.

Good grief!!