My five year old is a jackass

[DCJenn]

Sounds horrible doesn't it? But it's true. I hae no idea what happened to my sweet boy but yikes, he's a jerk. I have never been told "No" so many times in my life. Even basic stuff like "please come to the table for dinner."

We had a doozie of an argument this morning- I was the one having the tantrum at the end.
He just had this little smirk on his face because he knew he got under my skin.

Rick even gave him a smack on the but last night- probably the second or third one of his life because he was just being such a smartass. And hauled back like he was going to hit me because I asked him to sit and finish his dinner.

He's kicked me, hit me, sasses me, refuses to eat.

Tonight we're instituting a sticker system because obviously our current plan isn't working. On the walk to school today I told him we were going to have to try something different because I didn't like yelling at him and I thought this would be better. "no it's not and I'm not going to do it."

Oh dear god. How long until Thursday and he leaves for five days...

Jenn

[L.Jane]

Oh wow, that sounds so rough. I am sorry you are going through that. Is there maybe something going on at school that set it off?

[MrsK]

Yeah, this doesn't sound good. I'd recommend nipping it in the bud. Maybe time outs would be more effective than yelling and spanking? Not that I'm opposed to yelling and spanking but he seems to enjoy the attention. If he had to just sit in the corner for 5 minutes and be bored, maybe he'd quit. Also, I'd start revoking privileges such as TV. As for refusing to eat, I'd let him skip a meal. He'll eat when he's hungry.

[scrub-jay]

I agree with MrsK, perhaps attention-isolation would work better. Time-outs in the corner and completely ignoring his antics (not easy for you). If he wont come to sit for dinner, fine, no food then - natural consequences. It sounds like he is trying to test every limit you have.

I like the sticker idea, I think positive reinforcement is important, but it may not work alone. I'd say just keep trying new things periodically until something works, each kid is different.

I'm so sorry you are facing this - hang in there.

[PrincessFiona]

Re: My five year old is a jackass

Hugs Jenn. These are the little joys that they don't write about in the parenting books!

You are a good mom. He will grow out of this and turn into a ... Teenager . I'm told to expect it to get better when they are 30. I don't know about you but I will be drooling in the corner by then.

=)

Kris


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[peggyfromwastate]

You know I've been thru this **** way too much to offer advice...

But here I go...

When I read the title to your post, I thought *My 5 yo is a jackass too!*

Anyway, don't give up on the sticker idea. With my kids when they're feeling big and powerful, they sass right back but think about the rewards.

I did *Wii Money* recently- so when we walk to school, if Luke runs towards the cars or runs ahead or hits his brother or whatever, he loses his Wii Money. It's worth 5 minutes of play time, and since the kids can only turn in their Wii Money to play during the week, but otherwise they can't play Wii during the week at all, it is sort of an effective incentive?

But unfortunately, when a 5 yo wants to be a smartass, there's just not much stopping them. I send him away to his room, anywhere really, just so that I can collect myself. I've also served nothing but bread and water before. I remove the entire dinner plate that he's been refusing to eat because it's *so disgusting*, send him to his room for, like 25 minutes or so, and then when he comes back he can eat a piece of bread or nothing at all...

It sucks, Jenn. I found they picked up a lot of new angles to try and more resolve once they hit the general school population.

[Pollyanna]

We had a doozie of an argument this morning- I was the one having the tantrum at the end.
He just had this little smirk on his face because he knew he got under my skin.

I'm sorry, I just had to laugh at this because I've totally BTDT. No great advice just lots of hugs.

I will give you a heads up that for us once we get through the 5-6 crazies they are pretty good up until 9-10, then they seem to lose their minds again.

You know about our 5-5 1/2 crazies. Oy. I find that the time-outs in those situations don't work as well for long-term behavior change. It is only a way to get a break from each other and I would usually do that or send her to her room. Honestly, I wanted to duck tape her to a wall to keep us safe from each other. I'm not sure what helped the most or if she/we grew out of it. There are still issues but not crazy-making like before. Getting enough sleep, keeping her regular (TMI but true, sorry) played into it. I'd say a "catch her being good" approach helped but in May those instances were hard to find -- for either of us.

I did a reward plan with charms for a charm bracelet. A friend gave me that idea -- she used Pokemon cards. Love the Wii minutes idea!

Good luck! Here's to Thursday!

[DCJenn]

Thanks everyone!

I 'know' that he's testing his boundaries and all that 'behavioral/developmental' stuff that we all read about in child psych 101. (or any parenting book) but whoa- totally different when it's your sweet angel smirking at you...

Sending him to his room has proven to be unfortunately reinforcing since that's where his stuff is- toys and books (we don't have a playroom). In fact, he's taken to pretending that he's too full so that he can get out of finishing his dinner OR push us to send him to his room.

Boarding school...

j.

[MrsK]

Sending him to his room has proven to be unfortunately reinforcing since that's where his stuff is- toys and books (we don't have a playroom). In fact, he's taken to pretending that he's too full so that he can get out of finishing his dinner OR push us to send him to his room.

This is why I suggested time outs in the corner or someplace else in the house that is equally boring.

[Sheherezade]

Sorry Jenn. I had a few months like that with DD. Thought I would kill her and end up on the news. I ended up giving myself more time outs than her. Honestly, NOTHING worked. She just wanted to get to me. The only thing that got us through the massive power struggle phase was working to acheive some Zen-like mommy state. I just had to ignore it. So. Hard.

I'm serious about the time outs for you. If you feel the steam rising, just exit gracefully and go read in your room.

(For us, we could find nothing that she valued being taken away enough to protect, she didn't care for trinkets, and she would just sit and smirk about any time outs....and then flip her hair with an "Am I done now?" 'tude. Gaaaah!!!! I'm sosososososo dreading the teen years. Luckily that all vanished after the phase passed and has not come back at all. We are close these days. )

My mom used to send me to the guest room to avoid the toys, etc., but I just started hiding books in there.

I know this was a vent, Jenn. And I totally commiserate. Obviously you know all of the "parenting do's and don'ts" kind of stuff ... the next time he starts up, remind him to do Namaste.

[Michele]

Time out is very ineffectuve in our house. I can't get him to stay in it if he doesn't want to.

I have no suggestions but wanted to say I am so not looking forward to this!

[HouseofWool]

Hang in there Jenn - it get's better... until it gets worse again. Just when you think that no panel of your peers (namely mothers) would convict, he will once again become your little sweetie.