I'm on a roll

[peggyfromwastate]

This weekend we had our little sports-a-thon. Steven and Isabel happily got hits in their first baseball/softball games (DH said *all that Wii paid off!* Sad... But true.) Kate had soccer, and Steven had soccer. Unfortunately Steven's soccer wasn't good. He only got to play about 12 minutes. Out of a 50 minute game, where he is supposed to be guaranteed to play half the time (It's a Rec league where everyone is supposed to play at least half the time).

This was a problem towards the end of last season where the coach started only playing his favorites and subbing less and less. Last season I just sort of waited, thinking it would sort itself out... But I'm being proactive now... I sent coach an email reminding him this is rec league and he needs to even up the playing time. I'm ready to take on the parents, too. Those abnoxious pieces of work who are reaming out their kids if they miss a shot or whatever. The parents are obsessed with winning.



I have no time for this. Steven's not a bad player, he just isn't one of coach's favorites. And anyway, who is learning about playing a game for the love of the game? And who is learning that it's only fun if we win... And these kids are 8 but they are shoving and hitting and tripping each other. The team superstars are no little David Bekhams, either. And if I have to break it down for one of these parents, look out.

It was really nice though that the baseball/softball leagues I got the kids in are really laid-back with more reasonable parents. Just parents who want to see their kids having fun, learning new skills... They didn't even keep score, and really no one cared.

[Ladybug]

Good for you. I agree that's totally obnoxious.

[civilspouse]

When we moved here I started coaching soccer to have something to do while DH was studying all the time. I coached 3rd and 4th graders and I was amazed at the behavior of the parents. Some parents were great, but I always had a couple on each team who were a little over the top. It was just a rec league, my goal was for the kids to have fun and learn something to improve their skills, but some of the parents were all about winning. I know that I scared some parents when I put one of my not so good players in as a goalie during one of our last tournament games. Strategically it probably wasn't the best choice, but he really wanted to play that position and we were doing ok. We ended up winning the game and his mom came up and told me how that meant so much to him to get to do that. I always tried to be fair with playing time and made sure everyone played at least half the game and didn't sit out for more than one quarter at a time (they had games with four quarters). Some of my better players would complain while on the bench if we were losing, can't I go in for so and so and I had to explain that we were a team, everybody gets to play and you need to take a break so you can be ready when you go back out. I decided not to coach this season not only because I'm pregnant, but I just didn't want to deal with the stress from all of the parents.

[peggyfromwastate]

When we moved here I started coaching soccer to have something to do while DH was studying all the time. I coached 3rd and 4th graders and I was amazed at the behavior of the parents. Some parents were great, but I always had a couple on each team who were a little over the top. It was just a rec league, my goal was for the kids to have fun and learn something to improve their skills, but some of the parents were all about winning. I know that I scared some parents when I put one of my not so good players in as a goalie during one of our last tournament games. Strategically it probably wasn't the best choice, but he really wanted to play that position and we were doing ok. We ended up winning the game and his mom came up and told me how that meant so much to him to get to do that. I always tried to be fair with playing time and made sure everyone played at least half the game and didn't sit out for more than one quarter at a time (they had games with four quarters). Some of my better players would complain while on the bench if we were losing, can't I go in for so and so and I had to explain that we were a team, everybody gets to play and you need to take a break so you can be ready when you go back out. I decided not to coach this season not only because I'm pregnant, but I just didn't want to deal with the stress from all of the parents.

I wish you were my kids' coach!!! Sounds like you truly understand Rec League!

For my kids, they aren't the most coordinated but really they aren't *terrible* players. Steven just doesn't get a fair shake, and now to complicate it all the coach is using diabetes as an excuse for not playing him for long stretches of time. Steven swims for an hour at swim practice two times a week (solid laps and drills) so I think this is over the top. He's not burning through more sugar playing soccer than he is swimming, and he's never had problems with the diabetes while swimming...

Anyway, still waiting to hear back from the coach. I doubt things will change, and I think I may have to take it to the league which will make me the most popular parent on the team, LOL. I'll wait til after the season to do that, tho.

[HouseofWool]

All of this is a huge part of the reason that I haven't signed C up for sports. The poor kid isn't particularly coordinated and I can't imagine that it will be good for his self-esteem if he is on a team and is not playing because he isn't "good" enough.

[peggyfromwastate]

I was going to ask anyone who's kids are super-coordinated superstars to chime in here. I know there are some here on this board!!! As parents of superstars, what do you think?

I've always signed up for rec league where playing time is controlled in the rules. The opposing team could complain to the league about our coach and his unfair playing times and get the game forfeited, for instance. Steven's not the only one who's shafted on playing time. That being said, all the other rec teams I have been on have done a much better job of evening out the time. Sometimes maybe you don't get exactly half, but sometimes you get more than half, and for the other teams the starters always took a turn on the bench. We were just thinking about Kate's 5th grade rec soccer team which was a really strong team, they'd been together for years, they were winning everything, and Kate (and I) didn't even know how to get the shin guards on when she started playing. Nonetheless, the coach played her. She had her fair share of time, and she loves soccer now. That team also won the division, which meant they got trophies. It was a good experience, and in retrospect I see how lucky we were to have that coach and that team at that point in her soccer *career*.

There are lots of non-rec leagues around where the parents of superstars should go if they want their kids to be in more competetive teams. There are no limits on playing time for these leagues. They are much more expensive, involve costly tournament fees, etc. But, that is the situation to be in if you want to monopolize all the playing time and turn the rec league into some sort of *must win* disaster that turns kids off from the sport forever.

[DCJenn]

Peggy- my dad and his friend coached baseball for the Montgomery Village Rec Dept one year and he only did it for one year because of the other parents. His team lost EVERY single game but his mindset was all about making sure that every kid played every game and that every kid learned how to catch, how to hold the bat properly and how to play every base position. So, there were some all-stars on the team and those parents were PISSED when Johnny got pulled and Joe got put in because Joe never could catch a ball even if it was tossed to him from two feet away. My dad stuck to his guns though. The all-stars parents were pissed because a lot of the competitive leagues would scout the rec leagues to get players. My dad's argument was that if your kid was an all-star, it would be just as obvious in one inning as it would in five.

Jenn

[Meenah]

Peggy, you are the best!!!!!